Kinda Chic

To fly to Seattle 

To show up for my niece Whittney

After watching her grow up 

This is how I still see her 

 

Tapps Island

Tapps Island

Mt. Rainier

More photos from yesterday 

Of Whittney’s wedding in Washington 

 

Whittney’s Wedding

Whittney’s wedding 

Was today in Washington

Martin and I flew to Seattle this morning 

To Tapps Island

To enjoy the setting 

Relax

& Celebrate

My niece Whittney’s wedding day 

To her love Jay

With dinner

Dancing 

& fun 

 

Invited

Laurie invited me to her Great Artist program mom retreat 

I’m also invited to my niece - Whitney’s wedding tomorrow in Seattle. I can’t believe she’s all grown up now I still remember changing her diapers.
 

Engagement Party

For Markus & Sam

At Tsunami

With Sam’s mom Amanda

And her dad Isaac

We are excited for the union of these two 

And went to the new candy shop across the street Sugar Moose

 

31-derful

 Morgen turned 31 today. 

He texted me that he didn’t really feel up to celebrating. 

I recorded Happy Birthday on the piano and sent it to me. I also paid off his student loans from when he graduated at the U. I love him. And I hope that he knows just how much. 

The Price of Peace

 I called it being easy to live with.

I kept the peace at home for years, and I thought I was very good at it. No fights, no yelling, nothing anybody had to apologize for afterwards. I thought I was giving my loved ones something I had always wanted growing up.

What I was actually doing was making sure nobody in my home ever heard what I was actually thinking.

It took me a long time to realize, because it is not a failing. Keeping the peace was intelligent. In the rooms where I go now for my recovery, the peace is not a fragile item and I don’t  really have to be the one who can hold it. But growing up - it worked. It kept me safe and it kept me loved.

But I still was never free. I paid for it one sentence at a time, and the person paying was me.

And here is the part the people in Al-anon say out loud. I kept the peace to stay close to the people I loved. The peace is the exact reason none of them have ever heard a true thing from me.

I was protecting the closeness. The protecting is what kept it thin. It is what kept me from feeling all my feelings. Now I know that I get to express my anger as well as my love and peace. All the feelings.