Pleasure

is an attempt to fill yourself

Joy is who you are

I heard some enthusiastic, albeit unusual, compliments last evening from the hospital lab tech (phlebotomist):

1. ‘What beautiful veins you have!’
2. ‘No one has said this before? They are so borrring!’
3. ‘You have made my Dracula Day!’

Predators

Harlan Pratt from Nashville, Tennessee is the coach of the Nashville Jr. Predators. He called to ask Markus to tryouts tomorrow night. I'll be thinking of him when I'm watching Marko on the ice at Steiner, since Markus declined his invite - stating he still doesn't know how to use the washer and dryer, or live without his family.

Now if it was the Jr. Penguins...
might be a different answer(??!)

Poppy In Memory

It was a long weekend in America, so Monday felt like the second coming of Sunday. Taking a moment to remember the ultimate sacrifice.
Do you ever get caught on long weekends without enough groceries? She did. And since she didn't want to eat from a gas station, she scoured her kitchen:

1. Dutch Babies! Eggs and filling! Sorta' lemony fabulous.

2. If life gives you roses, make flower arrangements!  The scent alone was worth it. She really thought she was onto something... admittedly, it was a bit thorny. But with a little care, it might just do the trick! 

3. The rest of her was fuelled by sheer determination.

Lest she feel like a bore, she ventured out, past the stream, for a hike in the cool canyon, over rocks and over-hills. After all, holidays are for celebrating! 

And like her grandmother used to say, with tears in her eyes ‘There are no mountains like these.’

Good At Naps

"i once had a thousand desires, but in my desire to know you, all else melted away." - Rumi

Let Yourself Be Enchanted

at the ball

Last night, while Max was off dancing with Preslee at the Centennial Ball, I was at work and witness to a woman, poor thing, the moment she received news of her father's sudden death. There was nothing good about it. It was so powerful, it erased the day's memories.

If anything good came of it, it made me reflective. Thoughts of my family. Here are some highlights. (To my son Max, special post for your graduation forthcoming...)

The men:

1. My dad taught me the value of algebra. Years on the ice with a sharp pair of skates, or metal harnesses + honing stones, have rendered my math for life. This was of utmost importance when I eventually ended up in nursing school.

2. My uncle always gave me beautiful gifts wrapped in ugly packaging. The meaning was not lost on me. Then he'd say (and I can still hear him), ‘You got it, Pontiac.’ A car thing?

3. After stopping at a Great Harvest bakery on Monday after walks to get cinnamon bread (always sliced), my son and I would sit on a bench in the park overlooking the big cottonwood creek,  watching little fish coming and going at Old Mill pond not far below.

The women:

3. Rosella (grandmother) and Newell Parley would often come visit us on weekends. In between conference sessions, housecleaning and Lawrence Welk on TV, repeated reminders: ‘Do you see this hand! Yeah, put it in your pocket.'

2. Fern (my great aunt) always brought us Silver Dollars. A very matter-of-fact lady, she and Grandma Jo had no time for our snivelling. ‘One day you'll appreciate your mother.’

1. I better save some for my mom. But what is it Mothers always say? Yup, ‘Life's not fair.’

wisdom teeth {not that wise}

1. I love smiles and I have found the best place in Salt Lake for fixing them. Wisdom Teeth. I haven't seen a wiser surgery center anywhere.
2. I am dizzy for Morgy, who took time out of his day to help me bring back my newly, gorgeously (and much needed) sleep. 

3. I clean when I am happy; I clean even better when I am happier. So a lot of good came out of my happiness late in the day.

you rock

one of Max's presents from his momma

1. Lil Uzi waxed poetic about music, which got my mojo going!
2. My neighbor needed to borrow a cup of sugar. For real, she also invited me in and we chatted about Little Red (cycling event - not the girl) next weekend.
3. The flowers were born. Shabby weeds do not a garden make.

Bonus: Max

1 year old

Happy birthday Maxidoughshis, I love you.

I don't know that you've been waiting for this day, I do know that you have big plans to celebrate. Before you go to the concert with your friends, I wanted to tell you some things now that you're an adult. Soon you will be headed out in to the world, and it tugs on my heart as nothing ever has before.  I love all of my three boys equally, I bonded with you in such a way I think because you're my middle son, and I am a middle child as well. I hope that the choices I've made along the way have been the right ones for you. Your future is in your hands. It seems like yesterday I was bringing you home from the hospital, helping you take your first steps, taking you to kindergarten while I cried my eyes out, kissing your owies, and reading you bedtime stories...there are so many "firsts." You made my life better just by being in it. I couldn't have asked for a better son - even in my wildest dreams. You're:

• wonderfully loving
• sweet
• thoughtful
• generous
• caring
• smart
• funny
• young

I'm just the lucky mom who gets to claim you and love you. 

I don't mean to embarrass you with this; however I do believe that it's my prerogative to allow my emotions to overwhelm me at certain points of my life. The opportunity to begin the next chapter of your life as you enter into adult-hood is one of them. It's because this means that my chapter as your mom is going to begin changing as well. So please be patient with me as I'm crying as I write this. From the first moment you were in my tummy, I experienced this unimaginable joy and love. Unconditional love, from the first look in your eyes to the first time you wrapped your little fist around my finger, I was instantly in love with you. I remember standing by your crib for hours, just looking at you, watching you sleep. I was in awe that such a precious, perfect little baby was mine. I would sometimes just cry little tears of joy as I held you, and some nights I would get up and hold you while you slept. I feel like the luckiest mom alive to have you for my son. It's been 18 years of pure emotion being your mom, love, joy, worry, sometimes the emotion wasn't even mine, but yours. When you're happy, excited, or sad, I feel those things too. Did I help you feel important, and did we find enough time for the important things like memories of laughter, hugs, and "just the two of us" moments? Did I show you enough that you mean the world to me? And more importantly, do you know that I love you? I hope so and that I helped you feel cherished and loved.

I find myself looking at you wondering if I've told you all the things that you'll need to know to go out on your own, where I'll no longer be a part of your everyday life. There will be college (hopefully) work, maybe hockey, Preslee who stole your heart, some career that keeps you busy. I know that my opportunities to teach and influence you will soon slow down to only Sunday dinners sometimes, and holidays. You are responsible for your own life, and as scary as that sounds, your emotional well-being, your fortune, your happiness all essentially belong to you to steer in any direction you choose which is also exciting. I'll still be here to hold your hand for as long as you'd like (I'm not going to move all your belongings out into the driveway like Dad's mom did. Not yet anyways. :)) I know you aren't sure what life has in store for you, but like I've said before, just plan to be surprised. Some of the best things in life are surprises. I'm a little nervous for you and at the same time glowing with pride at the young man you have grown up to be. The days are long, but the years are short.

Pay attention to the things you're naturally drawn to. They are often connected to your path, passion, and purpose in life. Have the courage to follow them. Next week, at your graduation from high school, I hope you will know, of all the things in my life that I might have, could have, or should have done differently, there's one thing I'd never change, and that's having you for a son. If I didn't say it before, I'm saying it now, and I hope I always showed it - I'm proud to be your mom...forever. 

I love you my sweet, baby boy... with all my heart and soul. 

Happy 18th birthday!! xoxoxoxo

********************************

Please wish Max a very happy 18th birthday today! He really deserves all the love and good wishes he can receive, from everyone I know. 

Allies

Woven throughout a happy and fulfilling birth-day of fun encounters, my boys were my allies:

1. An ally in Max at our house.

2. An ally in Markus at the wild west Jordan park.

3. An ally +1 in Max and Preslee at Red Basil cafe.

I have to add that he'll never forget having Thai food with strawberry cake - sassy!

La-La-La

I am waiting at Provo Beach. My pineapple Dole Whip sends me into raptures... I chuckle, imagining my son Max wearing his ‘Whip It’ button in highschool. I hear from Morgen when we get home that he went to Momentum today in a summer intern program unleashing his harness of climbing (go, Mission Impossible) and suspiciously eye him as he proceeds to tell me, self-consciously, of the owners climb of Mt. Everest. I wait for him to open the conversation and he confirms the idea that climbing Mt. Everest is something he would like to do, a $70,000 transaction that takes a month of time. He does no such thing and returns to his harness. I snap back to reality – the boss is pulling out, twice. After Morgen confirmed that several of this man's climbing partners have died attempting to climb Mt. Everest he tells me that the idea of him climbing it has come and gone, just like my Dole Whip.

Sometime prior to my long talk:

3. My dear son chose a Flowrider (not 2 for 1) session at the provo beach resort so I could have his last birthday party for him before he's an 'adult'.
2. My dear other son served me pizza and music on his iPhone.
1. My dear appetite grew strong thanks to my J. Beiber happy dance.

Ferda

1. Wow! This music, like I've never heard it before:

2. which reminded me to visit the wonderful Red Basil...

3. ...and to register a hockey player named Markus, in which every chance you get to Colorado is for the better. Konrad's mom texted us while we were eating dinner that Wes had broken his leg and Markus is the alternate for region camp, would he be able to go in June? For a flight to Denver, and a week long hockey camp in Colorado with his friends, Jax, Konrad and Jared, he didn't see why not. Brilliant.

The camp is not long; there are even a few photos from last year's version. 

Breakfast

To my delight - and to the hope of breakfast food everywhere - I found these four videos (filmed by Markus in the last few years or so). They instantly made my Top Four. Ladies and gentlemen, I offer you Breakfast, the most important meal of the day!

By-way

1. Mr. Colorado - Gavin - is leaving town by way of Boulder.
2. More sleep-over birthdays came to town by way of Airborne.
3. Exercise came to town by way of a flowerider session.

Should I say that my son Markus is one excellent dude, a cute blond (curly) and a good hockey player? He might not want me to (being the modest type), but I will anyway! 100% good. Between you and me, he's going to miss Gavin!

You're A Peach

After dreaming of brownie sundaes...

1. Warm: fajitas and salad with Candie.

2. Familiar: bringing Morgen with me to her birthday party.

3. Polite: after playing trivia during the party on an iPad, my sister said, ‘Thank you.’

E-V-E-R-Y-T-H-I-N-G

1. I bought Morgen lunch at a hot spot not far from the hospital. Here is a young man whose artwork contained a thank you note. It's very moving.

2. I bought some of Morgen's lovely medications, which he said he doesn't need. Some for mood, some for sleep.

3. Oops. Couldn't stick those babies into his closed up mindset. I decided to stop by the mall. He needed some shoe shopping education and I needed it after my night shift! I've shopped around and believe me, this mall (love that it's so close) is TOPS. (I wouldn't want you to walk into any shopping location less divine.) In the end, he didn't even have this diagnosis, just psychosis. Still a big healing process!

Home Again

1. Un-Shopping: My sister Lara invites us all over to her daughter Sierra's home, even though she doesn't have to. All I can think about is redecorating. I can't resist a home as cute as she made it like that.

2. Liquid Lunch: Adam and I find a nice sunny/shady spot for swilling down pints of cold, thirst-quenching protein smoothies. I get a little cold-headache and decide to go for bike ride in the park. Breezy!

3. Couch-Sofa: Whatever you call it, I call it comfortable. I settle in to relax and finish reading a delightful book called Magic Hour. Then I go home after another night shift and settle into bed and dream inspiring dreams.

Fresh

1. The smell of fresh lilacs, everywhere.

2. Timeslot for a massage.

3. Bro met me and brought fresh new music.

I can't get enough of Rihanna's ‘Umbrella’ this time of year...

I'm Still Looking Up

Do you ever look at your children, and you can literally feel your heart melting because you love them so much???

Yesterday went from glam to glum and back to glam again (thanks in part to little men named Max and Markus). Repeat.

1. "I made you breakfast in bed." But this hottie little biscotti named Max at home didn't stop there. With the wave of a hand, he waived the bag open with a pretty little anklet from Thailand. Oooh, he will get good karma back for that one.

2. I saw these two, who smartly brought their wheels. The phone call from Morgen was a highlight, but he kept insisting, ‘I'm wearing Jesus sandals!’ This would normally make me roll my eyes, but today it made me laugh out loud (even if it was with him).

3. I got to see Sierra's bungalow. The girl who not only pays her own rent but decorates like Joanna Gaines. When I got home, I set up the new pillows from my mom. ‘Thanks mom, you're the best!’ And all was well in my world again.

Love Is The Whole Thing

It was a musical Mother's Day of tough mamas and fun women, sprinkled with honorable men.

1. No, no no! My bro and I listened to Norah Jones, Jack Johnson and Jason Mraz... then he helped me get the trees trimmed up in my yard.

2. So, yo, ho! Chicken salad, fresh fruit, ‘Ice Cream Cake!’ This week's food menu.

Last, but not least, the most musical - and toughest and silliest - of them all:

3. 50 First Dates! After lunch, Preslee gave me tulips and called my son ‘hot’. (Her mom had asked if I'd like to come over for Mama's day to which I proudly replied, ‘you betcha’) This was good for him. Who would sons be without mommies?

Your Heart

knows the way...run in that direction 

1. My fit-bit counter surpassed 10,000. Thanks for counting with me!
2. Monica stopped me at the park. I am so grateful when former running mates wake me from my daydreams in public spaces.
3. A quote I love from a book I finished reading:

“It is a kiss that, once begun, never really ends. Interrupted, yes. Paused, certainly. But from that very moment onward, Vera sees the whole of her life as only a breath away from kissing him again. On that night in the park, they begin the delicate task of binding their souls together, creating a whole comprising their separate halves.” 

― Kristin Hannah, Winter Garden

Skip on our walk last night

chasing the ducks