Change

It may seem suspect to draw a connection between blogging and change. Blogging is often maligned–and sometimes rightfully so–as navel gazing, and in some cultures those bare midriffs can seem awfully immodest. To be sure, self-absorption is the antithesis of the change we seek as a people. But while bloggers have their fair share of narcissism, I believe most are motivated by a worthy desire to understand and be understood. And I believe such understanding is a powerful catalyst for change.

In my years of blogging I’ve seen empathy shared on the most sensitive of topics, from eating disorders * to crises of identity and faith. Disclosure of personal struggles has traditionally been lacking in our culture, and many among us prefer it that way, yet there is a direct relationship between our level of candor and our level of caring. Of course I want to guard against emotional exhibitionism, but before we can carry one another’s burdens, we must first share them. As one friend said, “The first step toward becoming a friend people is being honest.”

I’ve made more friends than enemies as a blogger (I think), but the diversity of perspectives online and in person, inevitably yields conflict, and that opens space for beneficial sharing and it also opens space for stark confrontation. Even with friends well-suited to my comfort zones, I find my maturity and goodwill tested on a regular basis—and those are tests I often fail. But the challenges of conversing with charity, or at least with basic human decency, are what make it a valuable tool for spiritual growth. I could tell myriad stories about how friendship has enriched my life, strengthened my soul, and made me glad to be alive, but in the interest of time I’ll share just one.

Earlier this evening in a discussion with several friends, two women shared elements of their personal struggle with weight loss, conversation started about the Hcg diet and somehow came to one young woman in their neighborhood who had just been admitted to the hospital for an eating disorder. In hoping to offer companionship to fellow sufferers and perspective to others, I want to share something that for me was life-changing—and for a few, perhaps even life-saving.

Separation from our true selves, and from each other as a result, makes each of us suffer from poverty of heart and spirit. At the same time, our collective wealth of experience and knowledge and compassion as a people is enormous. I just read an interview online where one celebrity regarding the question of her diet recently said, "that I take care of myself, eat what I want without putting crap into my body and am at a healthy weight." I remember saying that same thing to people when they asked me about my diet. A year after I got married my dad took me to the hospital to have me weighed, and although I weighed 92 pounds I truly didn't see that I was too thin. 



{July '93}

 Whether or not I had an eating disorder, there's no doubt that many people who do have one deny it. One of the key diagnostic features of anorexia is denial, one of the important things to understand is that experiencing denial is not a choice. I was not being resistant.

Given eating disorder sufferers' denial, how can people convince a friend or loved one that she might be suffering from an eating disorder - and needs medical help?

I have a friend who found a way to connect with me, she used 'I language' that really helped. Rather than telling me I had a problem, she simply expressed her own feelings and concerns over my well-being. She told me a story about her friend who had suffered kidney failure and was not able to have children. It was enough to scare me into really looking at what I was doing to my body and it truly helped me.

Thank you to you brave souls who have spoken straight. I have never said anything like this before and I’m frankly afraid to say it, but I feel genuine love for those of you who went through the dark, lonely “hour” that I did. And more than that, you have the integrity to admit it. This post today changed something in me, and convinced me that blogging, while sometimes a frivolous pursuit, can also be a sacred one.

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*In the U.S., an estimated 10 million females and one million males are affected by eating disorders like anorexia, according to the National Eating Disorders Association. The conditions, which can be life-threatening, are usually treated with psychotherapy, along with careful attention to nutrition and care for any medical problems associated with the disorder.

Baby Mine

I can’t believe my youngest is already eight. It seems like just last week that I was laying on a hospital bed, waiting for him to leave my body already. I'd come to the hospital early in the morning, not sure that the baby was going to come—and excited to get to see if I was in labor. But then, after a dozen hard contractions, I was pushing. It was like the baby got a turbo boost and decided to come out after all. When my nurse asked if I could walk across the hall to the delivery room, I said “Sure, why not?” I had never had that short of labor before. It seemed like a good idea at the time. When that first push didn’t work, she asked me if I could push more. “What the heck,” I replied nonchalantly. I was too cocky, you see, from having given birth without drugs the first and second time around. Little did I know that a posterior baby can send you reeling through a black hole of pain and confusion so deep and dark, that you think you’ll never make it out the other end alive. I would have asked for an epidural when the pushing kicked in, but I couldn’t even speak, only scream. I was pretty sure that I was dying. And there came a point that I wished I would, just so the pain would stop.

“You can do this,” my doctor encouraged me as he crouched at the end of the table, watching my progress. I stared at him as my body writhed and the baby rammed its head against me. “Ahhh!” I screamed back. And I meant it. The kids' head felt huge—much bigger than I could manage. But the baby wouldn’t listen to that nonsense, and at last he came out. He was beautiful, long and lithe. And his head was ginormous.

As I held him in my arms, he looked up at me with wonderment, like someone had just turned on the lights while he was in a deep sleep. I smiled at him. Then I looked at my husband and he said, “I never want to put you through that again.”

And I won't. Not for eight years now, and not ever. Still, sometimes I miss holding a baby. Sometimes I miss the feel of a tiny hand in mine, the whispy hair against my cheek, and the fuzzy little footsy jammies. Maybe that's why I was willing to crawl into bed with my youngest last night when he asked me too. I held him in my arms, remembering all those nights when he was an infant and it was just me and him, sitting and rocking in a dark room. He is so much bigger now. His hand is no longer tiny, his hair is so curly, and he tells me he doesn't like footsy pajamas any more. I guess what my mother said is true. They do grow up fast--so fast that sometimes I want to give them a speeding ticket. I've waited so many years for them to not need me so much. But as it turns out, I want them to slow down, now. I want them to hop in my car and drive in the slow lane for many more years to come.

My son turned his body to face mine. I stroked his hair as he breathed quietly. Light from the street lamp outside his window fell on the bed in a pattern of lines, illuminating the star wars characters on his bedspread. From across the street I could hear a scraping sound, our neighbor removing her garbage can from the street. I heard the careful closing of a car door, then the low hum of the engine as she pulled out of her driveway. "Do you want me to leave?" I asked my youngest son. His eyes flickered open, looked at me, then closed.

"No, stay," he said through a yawn. I smiled to myself. Then I pulled him closer and rocked him to sleep.

Laser Tag

[Markus wanted to have his party at Laser Quest this year]

[So I Evited his friends Britton, McKay, Garrett, Sam and Morgen brought his friend Austin]

[Inside the vault]

{Markus also wanted to give everyone stick-on mustaches in their goody bags!}

After the round of tag was over, the hostess announced the birthday boy and ...

covered him with T.P!

The aftermath

Other guests included cousin Tanner {love the mustaches he was using for eyebrows!}

Monet and Aria

Lara and Todd

Pizza at Big Apple Pizzeria

He received five sets of Lego's, which he loves!

At the birthday boys request, Strawberry Pudding Cake

{Love my little birthday boy}

I wonder what his birthday wish was?

It was a fun party for a fun loving boy!

Markus turned Eight

Markus turned eight!
It was great!

Markus had Belgian waffles for his breakfast in bed early this morning. That along with opening a present, traditions that although I am not sure where they got started, are sure to continue.

He already knew what he was getting...

but he was still excited to open it!

Since Max had a practice tonight, Markus decided to have his party tomorrow night instead. So he helped me fill up his goody bags for tomorrow at the rink tonight. Between that and running around with his little hockey friends, he had a great day.

*****And*****

Top 8 Reasons I Love Markus 



1. He is my youngest son
2. He is so smart
3. He loves me almost as much as I love him
4. He has an incredible sense of humor
5. He loves to skate and play hockey
6. He adores Max
7. He loves to talk
8. He is not afraid of anything

I love him and I am so glad I get to be his mom.

Happy birthday my Marko!

{Heart} Day



{Markus finished signing all his Valentine's yesterday ~ with a little help from his brother}



{They counted them all out exactly and figured out that they could each eat one of the left overs}

Happy Love Day Happy Love Day Happy Love Day Happy Love Day

My love day included:

7:00 am...crepes for breakfast{woke up at 6 am...(to make the batter)}



{Chocolate Raspberry and creme crepes}

8:30 am...drop off the boys to school (Morgen has late start on Mondays)

9:00 am...came home, took a shower, morning clean-up

9:30 am...back up to school to pick up Markus

10:10 am...Markus has cracked tooth extracted at the dentist office -
I was helping him floss his teeth last night when I heard a crack - and out came part of his tooth. It was a tooth that had a filling in it and the pressure from the new tooth coming in from underneath caused it to crack. My great dentist - Dr. G - was so nice to fit us in today. Thanks to him Markus was not in pain today {not for too long anyways!} and was able to eat all his Love Day treats. 

 



{Trip to the treasure chest before heading back to school}

11:40 am...back to school - just in time for his VIP poster too! He is the VIP in his class this week because his birthday is tomorrow, remember? Mrs. Wetsky {student teacher} helped him hold his poster while he described what he was doing in each photo. Then she opened the floor up for questions. Markus called on all of his friends in turn to answer. 

 




12:30 pm...lunch at one of my favorite restaurants in Old Mill.

{Looks too good to eat}

1:30 pm...back to school {again!} for Markus' Love Day party!

{Sugar Cookie Decorating}



{Muah!}



Markus' mouth was still a little numb even after 4 hours

{Mrs. D reading 'Froggy's First Kiss'}


2:05 pm...text from Morgen asking me to "Pick up some chocolates for Brittani"

{He picked up the flower when we stopped at Dan's for a drink}


3:30 pm...pick up Max and Markus from school and go to the rink to teach

5:30 pm...make pesto tortellini for dinner

6:00 pm...Sheri came over to to pick me up for the
Paul Cardall Concert 
She asked me last month if I would like to go to the "Celebration of Life" Concert with her and I thought it was the perfect thing to do on Heart Day! So she bought us a pair of tickets and brought all her kids over to my house so her daughter Tori could babysit. Thanks Tori for giving up your Valentines night with Dillon so we could go - you are such a sweetheart! <3

{My sister and I before the concert at the silent auction}



{An inspirational concert}



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Every single penny generously donated has the power to directly affect the lives of families associated with congenital heart disease. Our foundation, which my wife Lynnette and I started after I received a heart transplant and an overwhelming embrace of community support, has no paid employees and is devoted to provide education, fund research, and assist fellow organizations and individuals associated with congenital heart disease and other related congenital disorders. Funds acquired go directly to the following:

1. Scholarships
2. Public and private awareness and general education to help bring greater attention to congenital heart disease patients in an effort to prevent premature death, prolong the health and well-being of congenital patients.
3. Seed money for Federal grants associated with selective research projects making a difference in the lives of patients.
4. Financial aid to organized support groups dedicated to strengthening the emotional, mental, and spiritual lives of patients and families.

Again, our foundation greatly appreciates your support and all of those who worked so hard to make a difference. - From Paul Cardall's blog; Living For Eden.

Paul Cardall gave an amazing concert to Celebrate Life tonight. After the concert Sheri, her friend Ashley and I went to buy a c.d. of his songs and his new book "Before My Heart Stops".

After hearing his story, I am pondering the question, "What do I need to do with my life...before my heart stops?"

{Ashley won the princess basket for Josslyn that she bid on at the silent auction}

Third Times The Charm

Max's game yesterday up against the Falcons

The Sioux tried so hard to defend their net

For the third time this season Max's team played his friend Killian's team, the Falcons. Only this time the Falcons won.

Enjoy the Journey

Before

during

and after his game.

It is hard to tell when Markus is having more fun. Before his game practicing shooting pucks in the garage. During, when he actually gets on the ice and plays hockey. Or after, when he runs around with all his little friends from his team. He wears a grin on his face for all of them.



{A Snuggie for two}



 The third annual Love Olympics were held tonight at the home of Aaron's parents. And the winner's were...

Jeff & Nicole!!!

They won a snuggie made for two, which Nicole was very excited about. This was their second time taking home the title of Love Olympians!

Naomi & her friend Ben
Even though have only been dating for 3 days, they still came away with a lot of points

Kelli & Rob won the last place prize of conversation heart plates and some Twilight edition Sweetarts

Justin & Carol took home a prize as well, a C.D. by Stephen Kellogg and the Sk6ers.

I was so excited to win, "Some Kind of Wonderful", I just checked the movie out from the library a few weeks ago.

Dave & Heidi were the winners last year but now they will have to try to win back the title next year.

Todd & Olivia

Our Hosts - Laurie & Aaron

Justin has a torn achilles tendon and is on crutches but he didn't let that stop him from going for the gold!



We ate pizza and salad, with pie and ice cream for dessert and played four different games for points to see who would be the champion couple this year. The first game was a romantic movie line matching game. Then the second was a game with chips for betting called Wits & Wagers. Third, a game of Name that Tune, including the number one songs since 1985. Last, we played a couples version of the Newlywed Game. What a fun evening, thanks for planning Aaron & Laurie!