Washington Wins

Their first game against the Vernal team, 9-8 in a late game that just ended. The boys were excited to be out on the field with the team picking up bats. David and Chase played great and were so hungry when I brought them home. I fed them and sent them to the showers. Those were some sweaty boys.

I'm off to wash their uniforms now. Next game is tomorrow at 2:00 but they have practice at 11:30.

Ceremonies

Sitting at the opening ceremonies for the world series, thinking about all the ceremonies in life. I happen to be someone who loves ritual and ceremony to an inordinate degree. I've read Joseph Campbell, I get it. I really do. I recognize that ceremony is essential to humans. It's a circle that we draw around important events, to separate the momentous from the ordinary.

World Series

The 14 year old world series is being hosted by our city this year, and Coach Dewey invited Max and Markus to be bat boys for a team. Since they said yes, I volunteered to host two boys from the same team.

It was fun to meet them last night when they flew in from Washington. Chase is the catcher for his team while David is one of the pitchers. Outstanding boys as well as ball players. I'm so glad I get to host them in my home for a week. Maybe their good manners will rub off on Morgen! Lol

The series started with a BBQ at willow pond park today where the boys all did a skit to "Call me maybe" for the cheerleaders who were the judges. Then the banquet was tonight followed by a pep talk by keynote speaker Scotty McGregor, who played in the world series when he was 14 and again as an Orioles player.

The opening ceremonies are tomorrow followed by games the rest of the week. Should be a ball!

First-Class

Max received his first class scout rank advancement tonight. His enjoyment of scouts is waning, although he still likes the camping.

Finding Our Greatness

Max asked me today after I finished teaching if I would take him swimming at Cottonwood Heights. He said he, "wanted to find his greatness" by going off the high dive like the Nike kid on the commercial. So we're at the pool. We also went to Airborne again yesterday with Markus' friend Cooper and saw three of Max's friends from hockey.

Is finding your greatness hard? Not for Max and Markus. :)

My Sisters, My Friends

Marilee had her birthday dinner at Saba's tonight. And we sat outside in the pagoda, ate sushi, listened to live music and talked, and it reminded me that we are all okay.

My sister reminds me not to worry, because worrying is wasteful in times like these. I won't be made useless or sit and wring my hands in despair. I know my hands are small, but they are my own. They can do so many things. Let’s celebrate sisterhood. Remind me of the wonder of being feminine but strong, nurturing but strict, and forgiving but smart.

We can show each other — that sisters are about more than having “XX” chromosomes from the same parents, it’s about our characteristics that make us beautiful, unique and loved by God.

Tips

"Tips, Tricks and Techniques in speaking to troubled youth without an interpreter, or How to tap dance in a minefield without being blown up." - C. Ramsey

I learned these one line phrases today to use when working with my son. The hard part is remembering to use them all with empathy.

probably so

I know

Nice try

I bet it feels that way

Bummer, how sad

Thanks for sharing that

Don't worry about it now

What do you think you are going to do?

I don't know. What do you think?

That's an option

I bet that's true

Maybe you'll like what we have for the next meal better

What do you think I think about that?

I'm not sure how to react to that. I'll have to get back to you on it.

I'll let you know what will work for me

And my personal favorite:

I'll love you wherever you live


I also learned it is healthy to let him experience natural consequences once or twice. Watching how this changes his perspective is mind boggling. I am to observe what happens next. I'm wondering what Morgen has learned from his natural consequences.

Coming Up For Air

So much has been going on this week, since I last posted.

There has been the Olympics.

There has been angst, tears, prayer, swearing and laughter.

There has been a fire.

There has been part-time, physically demanding work.

There has been the chaos of back-to-school registrations after three months of summer. Morgen will start a new high school, Max and Markus a new grade, and me a nursing degree, my heart slaloms between them all, praying they will be happy.

I have stood at my kitchen sink late at night, swirling my hands and unmatched dishes through the bubbles, listening to music that makes my feet disappear.

I have received emails, texts and presents from friends that have sprung leaks in my heart, reminding me that I am thought of, appreciated, loved.

I have asked for help (because I promised) and didn't explode or dissolve as a result. I have been surprised.

I have been insulted, complimented and challenged. By friends, and events, and the Lord.

I have been blessed. By friends, and events, and the Lord.

I will be writing again. More often.

I am still here.

He Survived

Max finished Oly's hockey camp today and the T-shirt says, "I Survived!"

He did and loved it.

"She Believed She Could So She Did"

Carol gave this to me tonight and I cried.

The depth to that statement is so profound to me!

"She believed she could, so she did."
So simple.

But wouldn't it be great if it were that simple. I've been thinking about this a lot lately. Maybe it's because so many things I've encountered...conversations with other people, prayers with God, thoughts I've reflected on, words I've read...it's all related to one thing...

Dreams.
What keeps us from them?

When I read that, it explained it all in one sentence.

How many times do we as women----
daughters, sisters, friends, mothers...wish we could do something.

Say to ourselves...if only.

If only I looked that way, if only I had that talent, if only I could do that, if only....

How many of us have a dream, a love, a passion...that we keep tucked away. We tell ourselves "not now" or "I never could" or "I'm scared"...

That last one seems most common.

But it's a lie.
Intended to keep us captive in our thoughts and in ourselves.

Meant to keep us from trying....
from fulfilling a dream that was placed in our hearts
for a reason.

We have to believe that we can...
That we have this passion, this talent, this gift...
for a reason and with that, comes the ability to fulfill it.

And I have to let my heart be known.
Our passions let out from the secret place we've kept them in. Just as my friends encourage them in me and in one another. To lend confidence when it's lacking, encouragement when there is doubt,
and continue cheering through the success.

One day, when I look back on my life, I want my boys to be able to say they had a confident mom. A mom who encouraged them in their dreams and talents. Who taught them to encourage others in their dreams too. A mom who taught them not to compete or compare, but to love themselves and each other.

I want them to see a woman who not only said she could, but did....

...So they will know they can too.

Swinging into summer

Bee's

The Tribe was announced as the State Champs tonight at the Bee's game

Kaiden, Max, Taylor, Camden and Cash all having a good time!

Seventeen

He was just 17, and you know what I mean...

Morgen is practically a man now. He already was taller than me last year on his birthday and this year he has grown up (a little) in maturity. :)

After I made him his favorite dinner - steak with mushrooms, corn on the cob and pasta, he opened his presents. When he told me thank you he gave me the loooongest hug ever and said, "Thanks mom, I love you." Awww I am so grateful that he is my son. I love him for so many reasons. Not the least of which is his ability to love.

I love him to the moon, and back.

Willow

Pond Park

Markus was really looking forward to swimming last night in the pond at Willow Pond, however when I read the sign no swimming was allowed. So he used his goggles to find fish instead. :)

Friendship

Sitting at Airborne today while the boys are playing with their friends. Friends they also played with last night and yesterday and the day before! Lol And Morgen is with his friend Austin- they went to the twilight concert series last night with Austin's dad, since Morgen broke up with Bree yesterday.

Anyways, it started me thinking. I’m a female who needs other females. But I’ve found myself in a time of life when my access to the energizing power of other women seems to be waning. I didn’t assume this would be the case when I was younger. When I had Morgen, I’d read a lot about the isolation that can occur when women decide to become full-time moms, an isolation that can be a real risk, especially for women who leave full-time work (and all their childless friends and co-workers) behind. But, for me, I entered into that time of my life actively determined not to be lonely. Either through church or the community or even my own little condominium community that offered opportunities to make real friends: play groups, book clubs, loosely organized “let’s meet at the park” days once a month. I took advantage of those opportunities in my twenties and made some of the best friends I’ve ever had during those years. I even found myself accidentally making friends: when your kids are little, you go where they go, and the moms of all the other little kids go there too. You wind up spending three hours on a Wednesday afternoon sitting in the driveway with your next door neighbor while the boys whack each other with light sabers on the lawn. And suddenly you know more than you ever thought you would about your neighbor’s first marriage and terrible mother-in-law and, BOOM, just like that. You’re friends.

But now I don’t spend very much time sitting in the driveway (although I do spend a ton of time driving up and down the driveway in my car, shuttling kids to games and practices and scouts and friends’ houses). I also don’t have a lot of time (or desire?) for the book clubs or card groups or Relief Society Enrichment meetings that I couldn't wait to run to when my kids were little. Back then, nothing felt better than handing Ben the baby - making sure I'd changed the stinky diaper and disappearing out the door at 7:00 p.m., knowing that the boys wouldn't be tucked into bed by the time I returned at 9:00 but okay with that anyways. But now? Now the hours between 7:00 and 10:00 are the craziest of all, with homework and kids’ sports and chores filling over into the time when all I want to do is put my head on my pillow and sleep. And during the day? Many of the moms from the cul-de-sac have returned to work, part-time or full. And it’s hard to find excuses to get together with those who haven’t. When kids were little, the kids were the reason: let’s take them to the zoo! Want to go with me to the park? But now, there’s not much to do with other stay-at-home moms of school-age kids besides go to lunch, which is fun (don’t get me wrong, I LOVE a good lunch date), but is either too expensive or feels too self-indulgent to do on a regular basis.

And then there’s me. I’m tired. When I moved to this neighborhood, in my mid-twenties, I started two different book clubs, one in my ward and one with friends. I printed out invitations. I made schedules. I read the assigned novel for both clubs every single month. But now the thought of starting a book club doesn’t feel like an opportunity or an escape, but an obligation I’m not sure I could follow through on. I’ve lived in my current home for over fifteen years and I know my next-door neighbor’s first name (Mindy), but the women inhabiting the three houses in the circle and the one on the right? I know they told me their names when they moved in, but I’ve since forgotten, and too much time has passed for me to ask again without outing myself as the half-a$&ed neighbor I’ve become.

I don’t want to make it sound like I don’t have any friends here. I’ve met some wonderful women, mostly through church, and I like the rare opportunities we have to get together and connect. In fact, I’ve often wondered how other stay-at-home moms of school-age kids without a church community make lasting friendships at all. It would be so easy to hide inside your house and never come out. Nobody would be the wiser. I also don’t know what I’d do without my girl night-friends: my soul sisters, the hockey moms, my old friends from high school and my young motherhood years. These relationships keep me from feeling more isolated than I already do, and I’m grateful.

But, wow — it’s frighteningly easy to find yourself without a support system of other women as a 39 year old mom of kids. If you find yourself without the little kids necessary to head to swimming lessons on a Tuesday afternoon and sit on the bench with the other moms and chat - Hours, days, weeks can go by, without a meaningful conversation with another adult.

I read a study today that talked about men needing friends and the studies that have been conducted about their behaviors when they don't, but only the study I read here talked about the impact friendships have on women. It actually increases oxytocin in our system and in turn increases our nurturing/loving responses. Most women, in fact, don’t need scientific studies to validate what we know to be true deep in our bones: women need other women. Without them, we’re not as confident, healthy, happy, or successful as we would otherwise be.

In fact, no matter your sex, age or your time in life, the challenges of cultivating and maintaining friendship is real. What do you think?

Food, Friends & Fun

Whitney's luau birthday party in her backyard was as much fun as you can pack in to a party!

Whitney = 11

Fun with Connor

The Food

The birthday suit! lol

Presents

Friends

{Sweet Josslyn's playhouse}