Letter to my little boy

When I was reading through my journals I came across this letter that I wrote to Morgen when I brought him home to our condo at Aix La Chapelle:

To my sweet little Morgen,

I am writing this to you when you are only three days old but I hope that you will read it when you are older one day. The reason I wanted to write you this letter is to welcome you into the world, and to tell you that I’ve been eagerly waiting for you. I have prepared a special place for you in our home and in my heart.

All of your needs are important to me, from feeding and changing you to holding and loving you, I will provide for you willingly. You can be touched and held whenever you want to. You are more important than anything else I could ever do. I love you just the way you are, from the top of your little bald head to your ten tiny little toes. There is nothing you have to do to be loved. I love feeding you, bathing you, changing you, and spending time with you. I want to take care of you and I am so prepared to do that.

I want you to know that you are a gift to the world. In this world there has never been another baby boy like you. Heavenly Father smiled the day you were born.

As you grow I want you to know that it is okay to be curious, to want, to look, to touch, and to taste things. I will make it safe for you to explore your world. It’s okay to feel your emotions and your emotions are important to me. You can be you, and I will always love you.

I will love to watch you grow and learn to walk and talk, and start separating from me. I love you and value you more than you will know. Maybe someday you'll learn to play the piano, or soccer, or hockey. I bet you'll be a little bit serious like your dad and a little bit silly like your mom. And just maybe you'll want to be a dad when you grow up and have kids of your own someday. I wonder if you'll like music or sports or a little bit of both. I wonder if you'll want to be a businessman or a teacher or an artist. (Probably not an artist if you really do take after me) If you like to watch TV, I hope you always pick good things to watch. Maybe you'll love Mexican food like I do and we can have tacos for dinner together and sit on the couch and talk about our day.

My favorite color is periwinkle blue, so I hope you like blue too. But not in the BYU Cougars sort of way. I just like blue because it's calm and sincere and maybe that's why you'll like it too. When you are born, you'll have 11 cousins, 4 of them born this year. They are all really fun and I hope that you can be great friends. They will be friends you can look up to and share your secrets with. (But you have to share some of your secrets with me) Maybe someday you'll go to college and go on a mission and fall in love with someone.And probably someday you'll fall and scrape your knee or lose your favorite toy car in the backyard. And maybe be sick, or sad, or hurt by something someone did or said. I wonder if you will ever have a broken heart or just need someone to talk to and I wonder where you will turn.

When all the good and the bad things happen in your life and no matter what you choose to be, I hope you will always know I love you. And no matter what you look like and no matter who hurts you along the way, I hope you know I will always be here for you. And no matter how many friends you have or mistake’s you make, I hope you know you can always trust me. And I want you to know that on your best days and even on your worst days, God knows and understands how you feel. And more than anything in the entire world, He wants you to be happy - just like I want you to be.

I won't be a perfect mom. But – I will certainly try. Please forgive me when I make mistakes or when I forget something important. Please be patient with me when I don't always know what to do. Please ignore me when I say something bad about someone else. Know that I was just like you once before and that even when I’m not very cool and may be embarrassing sometimes, that I am doing my best to be a good mom. And when I sing "Happy Birthday" to you over the phone or cry at your wedding, remember that my mom did those things to me one day. And even though I was mad at her for it then, I love her for it now.

You can be your own unique self and there is no one you have to please. My love is always with you. I approve of you 100%. I love you.

Mom