Early Riser

We flew east into the blast of sun. Past the clouds full of tornadoes and the silvery windowed towers covered in raindrops. Past the Sears Tower we didn’t see and the hockey shop that had two Buffalo Stars coaches talking combine inside. Then we took turns drifting off to sleep, Max early me late.

Let Your Inspiration Shine Through

Wednesday: water, salad, a page from Norwex catalog, dirty diet cokes, snacks, Last one out from work (The Blood Transfusion), pack for Buffalo, hockey, spaghetti, another hug from Marko.

Be Awesome

I wanted to call in sick. Maybe make a jar of raspberry jam. Read a book on the chair. Write a little too. That would have to wait for another day. I walked into the labor room and filled up the tub for the second time mom first thing at work. It was warm enough in the room to smell the clean towels, sheets and water. On the drive home from work, I remembered dinner. There wasn’t much in the freezer. Frozen blueberries, corn and peas, bread, popsicles, chocolate chips, pastry dough. Of course, I remembered crab that Marilee treated me to, for buying solar panels. Not dinner but brunch.

What Dreams

In the dream, my camera fell into a hole in the frozen river. I had been standing on the ice with Markus. Max and Morgen were skating around. I could see their heads bobbing like bobble heads. We were talking about skating in the 30 year anniversary of Christmas Eve on Sesame Street with Big Bird. When I leaned into take a picture, my camera slipped from my hand. I skated past my mom on the bridge down to the riverbank where I jumped in. The water was deep and cold. I swam in circles feeling for the camera, all the while, I thought about the photos I lost. Some other people dove to the bottom but couldn’t reach it. The river kept on going like a waterfall. After this went on awhile, I gave up, and wondered who would take my place skating with Big Bird. I woke up then fell asleep again. The waterlogged phone floated to the surface, pictures still in tact.

Ready to hop on this?!

Easter Sunday: juice, cinnamon rolls, cool forty outside, sun then clouds then snow, Polaroid bubble blowing with the boys—mom close behind, eighteen eggs dyed colors, the corrs car ride, Easter brunch out, Homestead looking at the crater, egg hunt in the yard, more seafood, chocolate, laundry, Penny Chenery on the Secreteriat story, the unsent letter.

Let the giggles last longer than the hunt...

Cozy Up Your Corner

It seemed easier to stop by Ikea to shop. I took my three sons along for meatballs. We walked around the shop and tried to figure out which bed Markus wanted. The walls were covered in black and white with twinkle lights tacked up against the corner table where I had to step up to sit down. Shoes were optional. The boys sat on a small sofa, suitable for a studio, and put their legs the same direction. It was too good to pass up. I had the sense of overwhelming love. I came in ready to shop with a lingonberry kick and instead was lulled to lingering by the afternoon light, laughing boys, and spring vibe. We returned with futon and cover on a silver frame, which I slipped in the back to assemble at home staying awake for another hour.

Chic and Easy

After work ended and the boys fell asleep, I wrapped myself in blankets on the bed for the final Mocking Jay.

Hit Refresh

Long after the car was unpacked, and the laundry done, hockey gear aired out, windows down, work finished for today and how not a thing was out of place, we made it through dinner at the Japanese restaurant without too much of a hitch — he finally celebrated with his birthday crew.

Chasing Extraordinary

The anesthesiologist was still putting her epidural in. I checked her anyway and sure enough there was a head. It reminded me of the hardest thing I've done. She said it hurt so bad and that she just wanted him to take the contractions away, big monster contractions with coupling, wrapped her shiny brown hair in sweat, spoke in whispers so we could barely hear her, her water broke this morning, was too embarrassed to come in and be sent home again from not being ruptured, like last week, said “Dr. Apt.” when she came to the hospital, he sent her down to labor, started pitocin until her contractions became regular, said she could wait an hour for the c-section before having her epidural, laid in front of the picture windows with the light cascading all around her and her newborn boy.

I've Got Spring Fever

It snowed all day. I lost myself in working most of the morning and afternoon. The babies were on. I listened to Doctors and anesthesiologist, Nurse Debbie and Kellie on the best way to perform a version. The stress lunch was pizza and the voices swelled through call light bursts into something akin to noise, though not quite.

Series

We drove north on the plowed back roads into the feathery snowfall. The little hockey one fell asleep after five minutes in the car. We sat in the parking lot at dinnertime. It was a late night.

What's New This Spring

Sun, at last. Left the hotel dressed in one less layer, plus lipstick and boots. Somehow it meant driving would be swifter, easy to access while sitting in a sun-drenched car. The kids at the rink drank a pot of gatorade and talked in happy tones about Rampage and Colorado before the conversation shifted to Malcolm and the theoretical liking of the middle. It reminded of the Flying Penguin days. Without the big van or matching shirts. M, G + B. Gladwell's Outlier's and the possibilities of opportunity happening.

Early Riser

After. An hour of hockey cheering support, skates sharpened, bagel sandwiches, leftover soup and salad, one in the shower, me off for a nap. I sat on the freshly made bed and wrote. I remember watching hockey. Start smart hockey in rental helmets. Mite hockey in cross ice format. Max's first check in peewees which resulted in a concussion. Light spilled across the Air Force rink and over the players. I thought of all the players who've played there and picked up my camera.

Too Good To Pass Up

The buffalo sized me up from across the way. I leaned against the doorway and waited for his next move. Markus climbed onto the frame in the park, and then jumped up and down like bursting popcorn as if he were alone.

luck 🍀 cheer

St. Patty's day: cereal, prep for Friday's drive to Colorado, dentist apt., run at the gym (while the sun stayed out), mad dash through Walmart, Max home from practice, Markus' warm hug in my arms, fried rice, out again for chocolate coins and green treats.

The Sweet Life

The smell of toasted chiles paraded through the kitchen then moved on to the rest of the place. Remember working there for two years...Busboy bursting with muscles. Chips and spices hung heavy in the air. We ate so much guacamole, we nearly burst. Cinnamon churros at sunset. Now he sees the slow morning ritual of his roommate pouring granola and berries all over the place. Fresh air through the open window all night long. He said he feels like he lives in a hamster cage, the whole of which he doesn't mind as long as he's not working anymore.

Springing Ahead

The stretched out day began with the measuring and delivering of babies and kept on going from there, until by all of our surprise nothing much happened aside from eating and drinking and washing it all away.

Daylight

Yesterday: the little one leaned his face against the big one and watched the amazing race. I poured a second glass of water and stood in the three o’clock light. He coughed and I wished for his cold to finally leave us so we could sleep and feel okay again.

Friends and Family

#1

“Do we need to bring our Murray jersey's?” “No, Custom designed Allstar jersey's.” I slopped through the muck in the delivery room and drove downhill to the freeway. I tapped on Twitter. Top of the news headlines: Trump on Rally violence, After three loses, Master Go player scores a win (an intelligence game Morgen likes to play) against the computer, Photographer/Coach Tim posts photos from last nights Allstar game including Max, Jake and Dillon, Millonaire's poem to find his gold in New Mexico.

Life Flight

I turned around. She grabbed a towel from her forehead and sunk her teeth in. That was after a few attempts at an epidural and before pushing. The day went on in a similar fashion. I picked up legs in the delivery room. He dumped a bottle of iodine over the half-made bed, soaking the openings and underneath. I left a towel on the spot to dry, and shut the outside door. I hung pitocin and sodium chloride into the patient's IV; he mixed the lidocaine into the bowl and all over the perineum floor. Clearly, he wanted to see how numb worked. A NRP code was called overhead . . . I gave him a look to read, and for the first time in a long time, the baby next door was life flighted to Primary Children's.

See It In A New Light

The lingering cold and stressing about state kept him from sleep. It was the same with Max last year. The exact moment you feel stuck in a game time warp, begging for another period of play or a different call by the referees, the thing that kept them motivated and out of nationals moves along. I waited all game for the shift and it didn’t happen, not this year anyway.

I Know You'll ❤️ This

The park walkers passed by, one then the other in opposite directions, about a minute apart. I watched them on my walk home from where I worked, delivering babies like it's lambing season. A bunch of emails filled the air as I replied to banquet requests back and forth, never seeming to make her satisfied. I would pay someone in chocolate, soup, and bread, whatever it takes to finish this stage of preparing the details for the party. Cookies too. I am dead serious. Any takers?

Delight In Every Moment

He wanted me to take him to get his hair cut, drove him up and down, and then back to school. “How did your group assignment go you know at, school?” “Yeah, my professor in accounting said the average score for the class was 170. Then he asked this kid in the front row if he got the high score of 240. The guy said no he had a 190. He didn't know. I was like I got the highest score in the class. And my professor had no idea it was even me. I guess that's cool?" "When you put your mind to it, you can do anything well. I'd be pretty proud of myself if I were you.”

Beauties

They found out they would play on the Allstar team. It was late Wednesday, last week. The six Grizz players all wore their different jersey's from their respective high school teams. It fully worked. The playing was fast and the passing shorted out making for super bursting puck flying. They loved it all the same so we kept it loaded with potential and let them rock out until the rink filled with applause.

Still Biking

Back with a cold. It hit just Max this round. I poured a cup of hot cider and he sat at the table, head stretched tight and throat dry as if he had been stuffed with cotton from the shoulders up. I waited for car door lock repairs and thought about the photographs of State Playoff games, specifically a portrait of Max with Markus' posse.

Live Your Dream

Sunday: I rushed out the door after the night shift, hot chocolate, and a hope to stay awake for the drive up. Dave Matthews (still, possibly, my favorite band) Crash on the car stereo, backpack in the backseat. I teetered on the brink of sleep, leaned into watching Max for support (hoping to forgot about being tired and hungry), and watched hat tricks from a bench close to the freshly made ice. Max assisted, offered three goals to Thomas, stayed out of the box, and defense upon request. The team on the bench helped too (thank goodness for tall boys) and two hours later, we were out the door and down the hill for Downton Abbey at my Mom and Dad's.

The Coolest Ice Hockey

I set oatmeal, milk, and frozen blueberries on the table for breakfast. I pulled up to Marko's game an hour before so he could warm up. A trip to Wal-Mart later and I was watching him play. A handful of goals in the net, the Park City team stayed put at 1, while I cheered and took video of Markus' goal. I left that rink to drive to another much colder, unable to thaw my fingers out, and instead photographed them as they celebrated.

State Play

"Let’s see if the ski jump is open.” “I'm hungry, do we have to?” “Come on, it’ll be fun.” “I'm guessing, more people want to try it since Eddie the Eagle came out.” I waited outside the locker room for the boys then drove down the freeway after they almost made a comeback. “Oh, I love watching you play, can I tomorrow again?!"

Attack

He curled up next to my leg like a pill bug, legs tucked into his stomach, cheek smoothed into Star Wars sheets. His body lay still for the first time since morning, fever subdued. Max chased him in the kitchen late evening while he ran laps from one end of the house to the other and around again. When he stopped to point his air soft gun and fix his face mask, I snapped a couple of photos and put some soup in my mouth before they were back in motion.

Swept Away

Two batches of babies were on the way soon to be turned into sons and daughters. I looked at the blood still stuck on my gloved hands while he slept in my arms waking each time I lifted him into bassinet. It wasn’t a day I could nap with him, though I wished it were so I could return to the story I fell asleep to last night, Downton Abbey first season. From the start there was a death and a relationship teased out from the first line, it gnawed at me, the unknown, and I would just as soon let the babies multiply until they filled the entire hospital Ghostbusters-style than miss out on the ending. But the timer went off, the little one fell deep asleep, and I had a c-section to prep for.

Pretty As A Peach

My cousin Christie sent me this picture today circa ~ 1986.

I smelled burning French toast from the other room. I ran to the stove, flipped his piece, and then scraped the black edge with a knife. He wouldn’t eat burnt food. I flipped it again and cut it into triangles and set them on a plate with a bowl of peaches. He got up from bed and ate breakfast on the stool. His eyes were on the peaches. “You're as pretty as a peach,” he repeated when I put on some lotion from a bottle that said the same. After a shower, he climbed in the car and I drove him to school. His compliments get me every time.