Need for Speed

1. 530am twilight. Birds chirping. 6am sunrise. My first called off night shift in I-can't-remember-how-long.
2. 4pm sunshine. Sitting on a race track, reading a book and watching two of three boys race go-carts.
3. 830pm sunset. 9pm twilight. Quietly observing the end of the day, just as in the beginning.

his girl

Today's good things were wrapped up in a big, creative bundle, infused with ideas and punctuated with beautiful young men and women. I'd like to share:

1. Senior Ball 2017: plan it, photograph it and shake it!
2. Check out Benihana and day date ideas here or here.
3. Sample and participate: Post Dance.

Skippin'

Skip & Morgen

1. Mocha: Chocolate bar on the way home from the store.
2. Mocha: Chocolate ice cream at home with Morgen (yes, I am woman enough to admit it).
3. Mocha: Reading about chocolate in a book from the library!

Good thing or I might have had another chocolate bar.

Lone Star

1. Love letters: The tax audit letter was fun to open, to which I sent 10 pages of my 2014 tax return and $2 of postage.
2. Like a rainbow: In a cloudy suburban taqueria, two sisters with a smile.
3. 2k: I took Morgen to work in 15 minutes. He invited me to his scholarship banquet in November to prove nothing is impossible. It was from the Deloitte foundation, after he finished at the top of his class. That came with my warning that sometimes things happen for us not to us, and are disguised. He didn't believe me and I bought him a peanut butter snickers.

Hiccup

(sitting on my bed)

‘For your scrapbook - got these at school today:

National Honor society for leadership and success certificate, pin, sticker and t-shirt. 

Morgen also told me he was sorry for freaking out. Not your fault buddy. 

‘The three grand essentials for happiness in life are: (1) something to do, (2) something to love, and (3) something to hope for.’

The Zone

It appears to be snowing outside. No wonder I feel like I am in the Twilight Zone.

1. Afternoon: met some nice peeps from SLBH.
2. Evening: got some great advice on a doctor. Yes, I am still dreaming of helping my son (maybe it's hormonal).
3. Overnight: took my time strolling through a 24hr drugstore. All the Easter chocolates were half price.

I hope one of these three will snap me out of the Zone.

Not Feeling It

I'm just not feeling it today.

1. Shopped, cleaned, cooked, cleaned - and finally rested. So very grateful for the help of my parents as my son hospitalized.
2. My sister offered me dinner and books. Fried chicken can certainly brighten up any evening of mine.
3. Listening to music, had a healthy little cry and played with some new photos. 

Time for that movie with Morgen!

Stand-By

1. I learned that I had just enough miles left in my points program to go hang out in Minnesota.
2. I received an unexpected phone call from my son and best friend.
3. Perfect timing as Markus and I left our hotel/rink, hopped in a shuttle and tried to catch the last flight home. I don't usually like flying stand-by, but if you're saving yourself $570.00 you have to at least try. Didn't work out tonight, it looks like the flight is less full in the morning. 

5 games played

Colorful

It was a colorful day full of colorful language.

Each of the three utterances below gave me a belly full of laughter at some point today (though none as much as the story of my son, who while putting together a puzzle had a new guy admitted to his unit who was freaking out and messing up his work - including the pieces he had just put together. Or the guy he gave his shoes to, or the man who traded his wedding ring for a bowl of oatmeal).

1. Herb Brooks
2. Super Rink
3. Kodiaks

Timing

1. Hello: Somewhere in Mall of America in Minnesota,  there is a color world, sponsored by a crayon company, that allows unlimited free creativity to anyone in the world. From that creativity, I received a call from my son who thought of me.
2. Perfect timing: Fresh quinoa and beets, right out of the bowl, at the yard house. I've never had a more comforting salad.
3. Support: Olivia, for her text and this quote:

‘When I am anxious it is because I am living in the future. When I am depressed it is because I am living in the past.’ — Unknown

Concierge

In Minneapolis today:

1. A concierge at an airport hotel let a tired and frustrated old woman check the internet using the hotel wifi.
2. A hockey/dad driver suggested the hungry woman get a wedge salad for lunch, which could not have been more perfect.
3. The woman's son dropped some quality hockey onto the ice for her to watch and enjoy.

Untrue

It turns out that Morgen's diagnosis is actually Psychosis (no alcohol or drugs in his blood stream).

I arrived home late Monday night to find Morgen in his chair in the hallway of our downstairs. Frightened, he told me of the missile crisis in Korea. He also spoke of people killing police officers (this was before he was sited at the Capitol for improper backing and possible DUI). Different police officers who had called me at work Tuesday to ask if I was okay, as Morgen had informed them I had been killed by his dad, before they took him to the county jail. And before I brought him back from jail to the hospital and ‘zombies eating brains’ downstairs in the bedroom. The young adults are vulnerable; who was I not to believe him?

I took a deep breath and walked in to find only an untidy, comfortably appointed bedroom. When I broke it to him that no one was there, he reacted in horror, jaw dropping, raising both hands to cup his cheeks. Splashing water on Markus and Skip and I saying, ‘I have to save you from the zombies!’

We sat together in the middle of the night, looking at heart rate monitors, repeating the same conversation over and over, his memory constantly lapsing (his doctor assured us he would be fine). My son's independence looked an awful lot like loneliness.

His doctor called me his guardian angel - untrue. But even though he's not over the hardest part yet, I suspect I wouldn't mind being, as he put it, ‘Morgy's Angel.’

You're Beautiful

1. Umbrella-clad sister answered my cry for help from the rainy cold and made me hot apple cider.
2. Two hockey coaches did me the honor of loading my dryer downstairs, offering their insights and assistance.
3. I was inspired by John Nash, the star in Beautiful Mind.

{Monet hosted Easter dinner at her home}

Higher Power

3. A higher power gave me a terrific compliment.
2. A higher power gave me the help to make it through today.
1. A higher power gave me a gift card for a massage (thanks Michele and Jen).

{photo from Easter Sunday}

Kumbaya

Snap from Preslee's mom

1. Banana Nut: Someone I work with was nice enough to surprise me with muffins, which functioned as breakfast.
2. Comatose: I toiled all day on onerous infant. But I did not suffer alone! It was a kumbaya work-all-day love-in with M, my partner in pain.
3. Sisters: I met an Indonesian kindred spirit. Actually, I spent the whole day meeting really cool women, all of whom were literally running the show(s).

Sticky: Toni Basil's ‘Oh Mickey’ was playing at the cafeteria where I picked up lunch. It stuck. Almost as much as ‘Kumbaya, my Lord’. Those two battled it out all day in my head like an out-of-step 80s mix.

state camp

I love state camp! Why?

1. Incredibly good use of time: skating, scrimmaging, shooting, checking, relaxing at Provo beach resort, gearing up, winding down...

2. Rich and sometimes wildly entertaining material: coaching, simulation, stories, ideas...

3. Bumping into old friends, neighbours, acquaintances: even if it's not welcome, you deal with it (or get up at the next break).

We also have a neat little tradition in Utah, as I see it. Some call it politics, but I emphatically disagree. We leave our best players behind for the next season (we even ask each other for certain teams, in rare moments of communication). I can't bear to see talent wasted - I like to see people playing!

Only the Lonely

1. Markus and I helped sort through our family's antique book collection.
2. My phone did not ring once. I felt a twinge of isolation, but got over it quickly and enjoyed my silent Friday.
3. Unable to buy groceries, I consumed my fruit quota in the form of dried, sweetened mangoes.

‘Being alone is not the same as being lonely.’

Life in a Northern Town

A free meal is always a good thing because this guy loves to eat. Sometimes there is such a thing as a free lunch!

Today is dedicated to food, one of the three best good things in life.

3. Chomping away on carrots after work with meatballs over a bed of rice, garnished with fresh pineapple and an orange cut into the shape of a flower.
2. Crunching into the marcos pizza my boss gave everyone for the stress lunch today.
1. The very happy memory from this song...- the memory alone will do - of the wafting sweet smell of pancakes outside the clinton street bakery in New York on a Saturday afternoon.

Press

1. Continuing education: I learned a lot about fetal heart monitoring today.
2. Edamame and matrix, topped with tasty sauces. Starving and wet from the cold snow on Sunday, Markus and I filled up at Yoshi, a midtown Japanese grill restaurant (one with sushi).
3. Stop the press! This weather is what dreams are made of,

and walks in the park with these fellas.

Passage

1. Women who email: Instructions enabling NCC certification.
2. Women who bond: Downtime on our shift tonight at the women's center.
3. Women who write! See passage below from a book I am reading. I picked it up from the library before work yesterday. 

“To make real friends you have to put yourself out there. Sometimes people will let you down, but you can't let that stop you. If you get hurt, you just pick yourself up, dust off your feelings, and try again.”

Bonus: Sweetness

last supper

The April 2 photo was taken from Last Supper by the talented, terrific Michele F. Her work for the team this year was quite an experience. Coach Beau is still holding dryland tonight at County. Other than that, the Outliers are finished. 

Gift: Max

To my son Max:

Making the starting line up didn't make you a man, neither did being the strongest, fastest, or having the best six-pack(!) Being a man is not about raising yourself high above the rest, but bending down low enough to wash your friend's feet. Real men don't build their own kingdoms, or egos. They're builders of hearts, lives and relationships. I will never look back on my life and think, "I spent too much time with my boys." I'm so proud of you. I just wanted to tell you in case I forget at your graduation. 

i don't miss you

yesterday, i looked at a picture of us, and missed the way your arms felt around me, the way your breath tickled my neck when you hugged me from behind, secrets kissed behind my ear.

today, i realized that i don't miss you. i miss being happy, and you are simply a face in all my good memories. you have left a hole where my heart was, though it isn't you that i miss, but my heart.

tomorrow, i will wake up in my bed and my hands won't shake when i realize that you're not here. there is scar tissue in my chest, but i will not pick at it. instead it will heal, and some days it may still bleed, but at least i'll know that i've reclaimed the hollow spot in my chest where my heart was.

b.b.

Valued

1. Values: smart, articulate, creative men in my life.
2. Valuable insight and inspiration at work events.
3. An email offering thanks, making me feel valued.

And Max, my sweetheart senior son. I will write a separate post for him tomorrow. Right now, a hot herbal tea in bed and good night . . .

Avalanche

In Colorado today:

1. A manager at a downtown rink let a few young boys check the ice using their spring break downtime.
2. The dad/driver suggested the hungry boys get a sandwich for the drive home, which could not have been more perfect.
3. The boy's (Konrad) dad dropped some quality photos to bring home with them and enjoy.

Avalanche

Hockey Is Their Life

I've been thinking about you

1. The words, ‘I'm thinking about you’ from a friend on the walk to my car on a warm spring night in the city.
2. Max: I let him use my cell phone to check his snapchat. His screen was broken this morning.
3. Morgen gave me a hug when I got home from work at the end of the night.

Love & Pride

Have you ever looked at your sons and had your heart fill with so much love and pride that it brought tears to your eyes??? I have and it's amazing. 

Mentor, Ohio

1. After a deliberately slow and careful morning of oatmeal, and an afternoon walking about, we successfully located the student section and purchased cheap tickets to the Pens game. This was no thanks to Siri who had no idea where to go. ‘Take us to Mentor Ice Rink.’ ‘Look, there is the Cleveland clinic!’

2. We got dolled up for a big night out on the town, doing as the locals do. Bahama Café was full of smoothies and seafood. These are places to see and be seen. Along the way, we had the great pleasure of getting a call from Adam, my brother calling all the way from Texas, to congratulate Max on his playing at Nationals.

3. We were in turmoil – literally in tears – as we got the group text over Nadalynn trying to kill herself of a drug overdose. My sister Ivy was absolutely, positively, 100% sure this had happened from her not being a good mother and was all her fault. Could one person have control over another human being like that? I told her this was in no way her fault. Some people have mental health diseases just like they have diabetes. 

Hope is Stronger Than Fear

I have finished blogging my trip! March 29 - April 3 below. It was nice to re-live it again.

Skip while we were gone...

1. had a wrestling match with the leather footrest - the footrest lost.
2. played ball with Morgen
3. and taught him how to shake. 

Lip-Sync

to Beiber

1. Amidst hip-hop and rap music in the karaoke/party room, big boys giggling hysterically - and contagiously.
2. A crystal clear afternoon in Ohio (Cleveland's version of Central Park). My charming, young 17-year-old son, Max, chats me up for half an hour. He compliments me like crazy and says thank you for taking him to Nationals. He tells me he loves me. He even tells me he appreciates all that I did for his team.  The gratitude: This varies in sharp contrast to the really cool Markus I see these pictures of afterwards, with whom I (sadly) play musical states (we are both too far away from each other to see him on the way home).
3. Brilliant skate out with Gavin and Beau to practice for the Kodiaks. Lots to ponder (excellent team). Little did I imagine I'd end my visit texting, albeit poorly, over the flight home. Just the same, it is confidence-building.

for the week of Spring Break...

back in Colorado

a little extra:

1. My seat mate from Chicago to Salt Lake was a jolly elderly dude. He showed me his doctor's certificate: ‘this man has a steel heart.’ Four and a half years!
2. My son Morgen picked us up at the airport and included news of his interview. It seems he not only got the job he was hoping for with Deloitte but also an offer with EY. To say he was ecstatic is an understatement.
3. It's beautiful here in the spring. 

Postmortem

PITTSBURGH, Pennsylvania

1. Afternoon? Morning? Same difference. Max is text messaging while birds are singing. Rat-tat-tat. Tat-tat-tat...
2. With Italian sandwiches to go, walking through Fort Pitt, sun on our backs. Stunningly beautiful, sunny day.
3. Collaborative communication: we two successfully patched together an extensive speaker phone conversation with a non-speaking Marko.

There is the death of Stevie and Dewie to tell us about only he can't get the details out because he's crying so hard. It felt like everyone around us was looking. I took him off speaker and listened to him tell me all the details of finding them both deceased in their cage, only one of them had eaten some of the other. It was a sea of red! Rather un-sunny, but I listened until he calmed down and then told him I wished I could give him a hug.

****************

Post update:

These were placed in their burial spot. 

RIP Stevie and Dewie

Charming

After the morning game, a bonus. For the second time in two days, Murray scores the first goal (they also only lose by one goal, which I've seen hard-pressed to find). They don't do this against South Dakota, which I'll have to look into.

Cleveland, Ohio

1. Following lunch and a tour of the hall of fame, an incredible three-hour, multi-course dinner at a charming Italian restaurant with some wonderful, warm, welcoming people!
2. With the same intelligent, engaging friends of Max's, quality time spent walking up to the Little Italy district and back down again.

Beachwood, Ohio

3. Drive around town for a late night out, a never-ending stream of hotspots, more friendly Italians, some genetic hotness, some hockey haircuts, paper Cannoli boxes, hiccups, and churches (their doors, anyway) wide open at 10pm into which we could peek, taking too many snapchats (and using all battery power in both of our cell phones) all of which made it interesting to find our way back to the hotel. 

If you're in Ohio, you might need The Map!