Workout

Because I LOVE my body,

not because I hate it.
----\\\----

/// sometimes ///

sometimes

you will never know the value of a moment until it becomes a memory 💗 

 

My Mom

has been making America Great for 75 years

And tonight we celebrated

with a SURPRISE party 

with yummy food

At Monet's home

that she had decorated like a wedding

and filled with love and laughter

Everyone both wrote her a note and said something aloud

Election Results after party

This IS my circus and these are my MONKEYS

My Vote

2002 Winter Olympics Opening Ceremonies

Fourteen years ago I was in the Winter Olympics in the United States of America. Countries from all over the world watched and tuned in to follow their fellow athletes coming here to compete. It's crazy to witness how quickly the reputation of America has changed internationally. At the beginning of the opening ceremonies, it seemed every time I told a young athlete I was from here, they responded with awe inspired curiosity. The presidential election may have changed that, to humorous entertainment. No matter the outcome, this election will forever be a scar on America's history. 

This embarrassment might be a good thing though, from my experience, it seems many Americans believe that the USA is the greatest country in the world. A very dangerous belief. History has shown time and time again that anytime an individual or group believe themselves to be better than everyone else, terrible things happen. Maybe suffering through one terribly embarrassing presidential race will prevent that. 

I've been to 10+ countries - do I believe that USA is the greatest country in the world? No. Sure it's a great country filled with inspiring people, and while it is great at many things, it is not great at everything. I'm still proud to call myself an American, as I would be to say that I'm German, or Austrian,  Irish, English, or most anything. Every country I have visited is the greatest in the world at something. I've found the greatness of these countries has less to do with one political leader than it does with the people who live there in the communities. We the people, will determine what makes America great.

My faith in politicians was shattered when I was at the dress rehearsal for the opening ceremonies, where I had the opportunity to skate right before a private meeting with the President of the International Olympic committee and then director of the Olympic games, Mitt Romney. The 5 or so other professional ice skaters who attended this rehearsal were from all across America. I was there because as a young mom in college who didn't fully understand my self worth, I jumped at an opportunity to volunteer as an unpaid performer and skate in the sub-zero temperatures to practise for this important event. 

From the moment Mitt walked in, things got weird, and as his little processional went on, it just got more weird. The topic of his speech was supposed to be, How can we come together as a country after the tragedies of 911? (If only there had been a young student as a volunteer in the arena to share some kindness.) When the President walked across the ice to get to the stage, I jumped to my skates and offered my hand as he was wearing the fanciest slippery shoes I had ever seen. Mr. Romney just kept right on walking. Well, not really walking...better said, slipping. For 10 seconds he just slid across the freshly zambonied ice, oblivious to the fact that I was standing next to him offering to help him in his time of need. He finally regained his balance, and made it the rest of the 20 feet or so to the other side of the rink. He stood at the microphone and boasted about some cool stats that (90% of studies show that 90% of the country believes that people are good and kind 90% of the time ;)" Nonsense. I waited for him to close with a cheesy optimistic promise, then made his way around the circle of important people surrounding him to shake every one's hand. He missed me on his first go around, so I made my way to the exit from the ice to catch him if he fell, so to speak, on his next go on walking on frozen water. What happened next wasn't really a big deal, but at the moment it was a really big deal to me: He took his hand up to look at his watch, instead of making eye contact with the few volunteers who were left on the ice. He was too busy looking over his shoulder to make sure he didn't miss any of the "important" people in the arena. He smiled and waved at Sting and Yo-Yo Ma who had just finished playing the song that we were skating to. I felt like trash. 

Overtime when exposed to politics, it just feels alien and wrong. The whole charade just doesn't make sense. In my life so far, I've learned that when something feels uncomfortable and doesn't make logical sense, there is a good chance it isn't true. Probably even a lie. 

In a decent world it would be two great candidates working together to figure out who will be best for the job because we are one nation, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all. Hearing people cheer and shout when we elected our first black president is a favorite memory of mine. It's time for another first. 

Mrs Clinton

I dislike racism, sexism, bullying, hateful rhetoric, and violence more than anything else and it's affecting how I vote. Also, knowing what endurance, thick skin, hard work, and resilience it takes to be a successful woman with meaningful work is too. Being oppressed, silenced, judged, and mistrusted at times because I am a woman is disappointing. Because I would really love to do my best to stand up for the value and worth of every human being. Because clearly there are other major issues within our political system that need to be addressed.

Mr Trump

I dislike people who naturally bring out the worst in people. Even if he loses the election, he will leave our country with a slow healing scar. He thrives in the spotlight and his circus being clicked on by us to view his silly stories. The media just "reports" accordingly. 

Win or lose, this will be a great opportunity for every citizen in America to put their actions where their opinions are and live in a way that will keep America the great country we hope and believe it to be. What am I doing to make it better? What more can I do? Three things that come to mind...

1. My family - regardless of who the president is I have the opportunity and responsibility to lead our family with kindness, compassion and service. Family is free, open-minded, well educated, full of faith, hope, hard work, and welcoming to all. 

2. Positivity - news negativity paints a very dark picture of our world. Fortunately, old school news is dying and social media is growing. Anyone and everyone now has the opportunity to share their opinions, thoughts, and voice. Now, we all paint the picture of our world together. Sharing more happiness, and goodness can help drown out the darkness. 

3. Service - I'm extremely grateful to be an American. It's a privilege and a responsibility I feel to be a part of this country whose freedoms are only what I make of them. Am I working hard as a mother to create value?  As a nurse am I sharing goodness and inspiration with the world? Am I using these freedoms and blessings to serve others? 

I'm excited for the presidential election to end. Mostly because I'm excited for our country to focus less on how one individual might control the greatness of America and more on how WE THE PEOPLE can continue making our nation better together. But what do I know, I'm just the young skater standing on the ice with my hand out...

Sincerely, 

BB

No Do-Overs

~4 years ago

Four years ago today, Ben moved out. I wrote about seven months later, a "What not to do in marriage" post about all the things I wished I could do-over. It was my confession. Things I know I could have done better in marriage. 

As I wrote it, I remember thinking I would post a follow up with a list of things I wish he would have done better or differently in our marriage. A list of things that compelled me, to react in unhealthy ways, things that caused resentment, etc. That list would be completely different than the list I was currently writing. I know now that every success and failure of any relationship is two-sided. Yes, I don't get any do-overs. And neither does he. And while his personal list of things I did may be completely different, I wanted to share my own perspective.

I hope that by better understanding me in my failed marriage, I might better understand myself and the people I'm with in the future.

1. For some reason, we stopped being young. We stopped going out to concerts, and parties, and everything else we did when we were first dating. We stopped spending extra money on much of anything. We stopped so many of the things we did as young people, and life got boring with each other over time.
2. My love language is touch. In fact, touch is way up on the list. Not just in the bedroom though, but rather the touch of a hand. At the bottom of my list are verbal affirmation and receiving gifts and no matter how much we talked about love languages, it seemed that he felt a 'thank you for all that you do' was how we would get over or past anything, while he would have nothing to say at the dinner table after being gone to work all day, when really all it did was drive me further away because my real love language was being ignored.
3. In the beginning sex was so fun. But inevitably, over time, sex became a chore. In the future, I’ll make one rule about sex. And that would be that there are no rules about sex. No schedules. No hurdles. No begging. Just let it happen when it happens.
4. I was often considered property. His wife. His last name. His problem to fix. Sometimes I felt like he looked at the 10% of what he liked in everyone else (that I didn’t do) and completely overlooked the 90% of what made me awesome, all while pressuring me to be more (or less) like someone else. All this usually did was make me feel unappreciated and resentful toward him, and toward others who didn’t deserve it. I definitely didn’t like it.
5. I’m not generally a prideful person. But for some reason, he didn't think to do or say things to try and make me feel like he was proud of me. If I did well in a triathlon, he’d train even harder and take swimming lessons until he got there. But the truth is, while he may have felt some sort of security and satisfaction in being better than me, all I really needed was a 'good job, I'm so surprised that you beat me' instead of the way he sometimes did it in such hurtful and unhealthy ways.
6. I’m motivated. I like to believe big things can happen for me and the person I’m with and then I like to work for them. And for some reason he felt the need to tell me why my desire to go back to school wouldn’t work, why I didn't need to have another baby, or why I should give up on goals altogether. He wouldn't tell me I couldn’t do it. Just all the reasons why he wouldn't want me to. And you know what, it was one of the rare times I choose to fight about it, and being a nurse dream never became reality until we were finally apart.

So, there is my list. It is so many of my own needs and struggles that I wish I would have recognized and discussed with him while we were still married. Being married was full of good gestures, wonderful times, and lots of functional communication. I don’t want to forget that as I write about the “needed improvement” part of it all.

For The Love of Hockey

{Heart of Hockey}

One of the boys from the older 14U Outliers team has a cousin who had been on the heart transplant list for a few years. She is 13 and has always wanted to play hockey. An hour before our game versus them started, they received a call that she was getting her new heart. As they played, she was in surgery for the transplant. After the game was over, the uncle of the young girl asked both teams to pose for this photo and he told me, "Hockey is about so much more than hockey. It's about family." Wise words.

{My mom and dad came down for the game vs. the Eagles earlier in the day}

We lost 5-1 earlier

And won 7-0 tonight

Max snap chatted me that he lost his first game this morning 0-1 and tied the one tonight 1-1! He also sent me the snap of his broken stick. All in the game of hockey.

Tournament Weekend

While Max is off in Chicago playing games with his team, and watching the Cubs parade, Markus is here playing in the Park City tournament. With a win and a loss today, he's a tired boy tonight.

time flies

{Hamburg, Germany ~ 2003}

On the steps of the Opera house, where Brahms played his famous lullaby, I hummed it to my sweet baby, Markus. He's 13 now and I although I don't get the chance to sing it to him anymore, the hospital has a custom of playing Brahms' Lullaby whenever a baby is born. So all night over the PA system I get to hear the melody and think of the words. I read about the similarity between the 2nd theme Brahms wrote for the first movement of his Symphony No. 2 and the most famous melody Brahms ever wrote - his "Lullaby." He wrote it for his old girlfriend, who had just given birth to her second child. In the biography of Brahms, where he writes about the Lullaby, "...the ingenuous little tune unfolds as counterpoint to a lilting Viennese Ländler that his Bertha used to sing to him in Hamburg [when Brahms conducted the women's chorus pictured above], when Bertha was young and he loved her, before he let her slip away. The Lullaby is entirely symbolic then, as Brahms hinted when he sent the song to her in July: 'Frau Bertha will realize that I wrote the "Wiegenlied" for her little one. She will find it quite in order... that while she is singing Hans to sleep, a love song is being sung to her.'" 
 
That was in 1868. What his biography also mentions but without drawing any "conclusions" from the observation is that in the summer of 1877 - when he composed the 2nd Symphony - he spent the first of 3 very happy summers at Pörtschach on Lake Worth "near Bertha Faber's summer place." This was the woman for whom he'd written the Lullaby 9 years earlier! 

Coincidence? Maybe, but it might've been on his mind, again. 

And yes, the symphony was composed in four months that summer - unlike the 1st Symphony which he spent 15 years on (there had been another 5-10 years spent on other attempts at getting a symphony started, but 15 years on the music that became the REAL 1st Symphony).

Whether you want to sing in English or German, here are the words to this sweet song about love...

Lullaby and goodnight, with roses bedight
With lilies o'er spread is baby's wee bed
Lay thee down now and rest, may thy slumber be blessed
Lay thee down now and rest, may thy slumber be blessed

Lullaby and goodnight, thy mother's delight
Bright angels beside my darling abide
They will guard thee at rest, thou shalt wake on my breast
They will guard thee at rest, thou shalt wake on my breast

(original German)
Guten Abend, gute Nacht, Mit Rosen bedacht,
Mit Naeglein besteckt, schlupf unter die Deck'
Morgen frueh, wenn Gott will, wirst du wieder geweckt
Morgen frueh, wenn Gott will, wirst du wieder geweckt

Guten Abend, gute Nacht, Von Englein bewacht
Die zeigen im Traum, dir Christkindleins Baum
Schlaf nun selig und suess, Schau im Traum's Paradies
Schlaf nun selig und suess, Schau im Traum's Paradies

Cubs

Cubs Baseball {2012}

Game 7 starts in a few hours...

Guess who we'll be cheering for over here??? My Instagram feed features one Halloween post after another– creative costumes and slightly disgruntled kids standing on the front porch, sometimes holding up pumpkins or signs indicating their character. Pretty much the entire Northern Hemisphere has been watching the World Series. I asked Markus' advisement counselor for her best school advice, today while I was in the office for his high school planning session and you might think she’d focus on study tips, but the first words out of her mouth were…

1. BE KIND! Be kind. Be kind. No one regrets showing kindness; almost everyone wishes they’d offered more. Be kind to your classmates, be kind to your teachers, be kind to your coaches. Everyone on this earth needs affection and sympathy. Markus said, “I can improve on getting my homework done before class.” To which she said, "You're getting all A's and that's a great goal to have."

2. SMILE. Few habits can improve your life more than a smile. Other people will simply assume you are nice and numerous studies prove the simple act of smiling will improve your mood. Markus makes a special effort in the hallways and when seeing friends at lunch, he likes to smile as often as possible. School is stressful; life is stressful, everyone needs to see a friendly face– especially in the mirror.

3. THROW AWAY STEREOTYPES and JUDGMENTS. Scholarships come from a lot of different places. Sports scholarships are just as important as the AP scholarships. She shared how she paid for all of her college with scholarships from music and academics.

4. BRING COOKIES FOR LUNCH. If you have a really crappy day you’ll have something to look forward to and you can brighten everyone else’s day by sharing. Chocolate chip, snickerdoodles, oreo, pumpkin spice…

5. DO COOL STUFF NOW. Why Markus likes his male teachers, he said "The don’t wait to do things they enjoy." Mr. Jewkes takes photos, write stories, climbs up Mt. Olympus after school. Get involved in school activities: go to games and dances, help with fundraisers, run the school 5K. Every activity enriches your life and increases your circle of friends.

6. BE HONEST. Markus doesn't make excuses since that just increases your problem. Admitting faults makes you look smart. He went down a check list today of the things he does well and things he can improve on, one of his strengths was honesty. 

7. TAKE HARD CLASSES. Morgen, my academic superstar agrees, if he wants to do well on standardized tests, take classes that will prepare him. It’s tempting to go for the easy A, but much more satisfying, interesting and educational to engage in challenging classes. And while we were there she added – Markus usually raises his hand, engages in discussions, and joins study groups.

I'd feel pretty proud of myself if I were Markus. He has a whole group of people cheering him on. I know I sure am...

Make It A Norwex Night

Olivia

 is still accepting orders on the party we had tonight. Click here if you're interested...

friends and family who came for food, fun and prizes

Here is a list of my 10 Favorite Norwex Products:

• Norwex Laundry Detergent: Ultra Power Plus HE
• Norwex Dusting Mitt
• Norwex Face Cloths
• Norwex Dryer Balls: Fluff and Tumble
• Norwex Mop: Superior Mop System
• Norwex Cleaning Paste
• Norwex Window Cloth
• Norwex Body Cloth

Like Olivia all their products are amazing.

Ghost Riding

When ghosts go riding and black cats are seen, the moon laughs and whispers is in deed HALLOWEEN

happy birthday ivy

{Dear Sis} 

Thank you for being born 6th and not 5th because someone like me had to be the older sister and clearly with my bossy nature I’m better equipped to handle that responsibility.  Thank you for always being so agreeable whenever I made you do something, wear something, or say something you didn’t understand just to get a laugh. 

Thank you for being 3 inches to the left when you launched that battery across the basement to try and scare me because if you had not been 3 inches to the left the scar I have above my eye from that D battery might have hit between my eyes and I might not be as smart or musically talented as I am today.

Thank you for making that mix tape we used to listen to as kids when we shared a room and accepting Kirk Cameron as your boyfriend just so I could have Ricky Schroder as my boyfriend while we watched Silver Spoons reruns on TV instead of doing home-school.

Thank you for tolerating the fact that I have recently started introducing you as my older sister to strangers just to see the look of confusion that crosses people’s faces.

Thank you for almost but not actually fainting from low blood sugar in those moments right after I walked out of the temple as my maid of honor at my wedding because you forgot to eat that day. 

Thank you for giving me your secret chicken casserole recipe and I won’t tell anyone you don’t actually eat any of it. Oh, oops. 

Thank you for making me laugh every single time I talk to you on the phone like last time when we each described in detail our five step technique for perfect house cleaning.

Thank you for starting the anti birthday card tradition between us in years past. 

Thank you for taking that impromptu trip to Sun Valley with me eighteen years ago and for allowing me the great pleasure of taking you to Despo's and Gretchen's and we talked and laughed so much we were hoarse and could barely speak on the car ride home except to bust out into random songs from when we were kids.  And why have we never taken a picture of us together since this one from 2015?  Hmmmmm?  Your fault.

Thank you for always being supportive and bragging about me to perfect strangers. I could never do that. Thank you for being the strongest woman of humility I know and for showing me time and again how very nice and generous you are. You’re really good at that.  

{Tori, mom and Ivy ~ May 2016}

Thank you for not caring when the kids interrupt me five times in five minutes when I’m on the phone with you and for listening to me talk about things that help me and always keeping my confidence.   

Happy Birthday Sis, I love ya as much as I loved my curly hair in 1988. 

Your *younger* sister, 

xoxo,

Brendi-Boo

balance

never let success go to your head...

and never let failure go to your heart.

She Loved Life

{And it loved her right back}

{Ramen bar after a trip to the hockey store}

{New iPhone for Markus}

{Max writing a paper for psychology}

all while being on call for work...

Max's Top 10

#24

West Coast Renegades * #24 * Murray Hockey * #8 * GPA 3.2 * favorite class RN Environmental Science * Hockey trip to Chicago next Thursday * Preslee * Skateboarding with Markus * Sleep

Sleepless in SL

{Markus and friends}

Monday was the last day of fall break and we took full advantage of it. Hitting the skate parks and skating rinks in full force. I'm kind of enjoying this golden fall weather right now and love looking out my kitchen window at all the colored leaves. I worked the night shift last night and had one of the most horrific experiences I've seen yet. This first time mom had every intention of having a vaginal birth and her doctor tried everything he could to let her, including an episiotomy, vacuum extractor and ultimately ended with a cesarean section. Her pelvic size and babies head just didn't match. In the recovery room she hemorrhaged, and if you're not familiar with a postpartum hemorrhage let me show you...

{my patient lost 1580 ml of blood}

So she was somewhere between the lower left two photos. I haven't seen that much blood all in one place since, well, ever. It was a scary experience for her and although I gave her all the drugs I had and applied continuous pressure to her uterus, replacing her blood lost with IV fluids and giving her oxygen until she started to come out of shock I still felt like it was a traumatic experience. I know I need to get some sleep and I will feel better, I just wish I could stop replaying it in my head. 

100 t h i n g s

100 things that make him happy---

the smell of bacon cooking {whole series of Tanner Fox videos to watch on youTube}  rainbow looming  t-shirts and hats  working on a project  warm chocolate chip cookies   **** Vine   watching a sunset from the roof   a glass of milk with dinner   ~   a water bottle at practice   watching a Chicago Cubs game Outliers Hockey Academy   art   making bracelets  warm chocolate chip cookies  new clothes browsing the internet duct tape  getting handwritten notes  hockey new rinks  no school  blankets made with fluffy yarn scooters  max  my family (always) my new helmet cage  drones  hip-hop music  eating popcorn at the movies  having photos taken  living close to school to walk home  floor hockey  dirty room  the smell of cinnamon applesauce  a good burrito  family movie night  baseball cards  chicken and biscuits  downtown public library  pearler beads  my new shelves  the smell of grass  snowboarding culture  Studio C  watching Netflix  Amazon  our play room  92.5 FM  watching a BYU football game  Sunday rides through the park  a nice new puck  learning something new  long snapchat streaks with Katie  learning a new hockey skill  putting on a defense clinic  chicken casserole  Christmas Morning  FaceTime with Gavin  a warm towel after my shower  a trampoline in my yard  CHEESECAKE  road trips  green apples from the farmer's market  picture of me as a tiger :) fresh fruit  iPhone 7   the Funk Bros.  gallon of lemonade  roller coasters  tail whip  marbles  Dole whips Christmas caroling  dirty clothes on the floor  cheese bagels  entering giveaways  Sherlock episodes  scout camp  sleepovers   playing the drums   first strides on the ice  a-long-weekend  digital edits  hugs from my mom  singing in the shower

Fall Break

Get Air

Our last day of fall break and it wouldn't be complete without a trip to Get Air or for lunch at Cafe Rio. Markus received a gift card from the dentist after he went in to have his chipped tooth repaired yet again from the brunt of Gavin's elbow at one of three sleepovers he has had during this beautiful fall break.

Loving Fall

Even the leaves fall for you

These Dudes Fall List:

• try a new pumpkin recipe
• drive through fall leaves
• pick out pumpkins from a patch
• make caramel apples
• drink hot apple cider
• dress up for halloween
• go to a football game
• watch a scary movie
• carve a pumpkin
• eat candy corn
• bake a pie
• tailgate
• decorate for fall
• have a bonfire
• make s'mores
• go to a haunted house
• wear rain boots
• give thanks

F.R.I.E.N.D.S

{You're pretty much my most favorite of all time in the history of forever}

FRIENDS

F -fight for you
R - respect you
I -include you
E -encourage you
N -need you
D -deserve you
S -stand by you

friends who are there for you, both in good times and bad, is a good sign of loyalty. finding people who are authentic can be difficult, especially if you've sometimes been let down by others. but healthy relationships are those who don't live life purely for their own self-interest, they take pleasure in seeing you happy as well.

friends don't play divide and conquer. not since they were 10 anyways.

"Great minds talk about ideas, average minds talk about events and small minds talk about people."

when I was listening to these dudes talking to each other today, I heard about 50% ideas "lets gap the stairs?", 40% events, "dude, did you see when Tanner Fox gapped 20 stairs?", and 10% talking about people "I love it when Jake Angeles wears his helmet in to Chic-fil-a," most of which was praise.

they weren't two faced: they don't slate their other friends who aren't there, because they have values that they adhere to "Love your tribe", and because their teammates are important to them.

they don't group chat just because they want something. you know the type, the ones who only contact you when they have a favor to ask you. friendship based on bribes is not a friendship worth their time. they don't get taken for granted time and time again. they already are huge believers in give and take. they care about each other as people and are always wondering how they're doing, even at school and off the ice.

these dudes don't succumb to the idea that money, looks, rank and credit are everything. they didn't chose each other based on physical attributes or popularity either.

and they trust each other, are honest, and respect each other. honesty is a quality that flies under the radar sometimes especially among friends. intimidation makes them feel unwilling to criticize them when it matters most. sometimes we need to be told the absolute truth. not rude or horrible, a good friend would rip into your actions with a touch of love.

{best friends: you laugh, i laugh. you cry, i cry. you fall, i laugh then i fall too because i was laughing so hard.}

i think my favorite part about their friendships my boys have developed is that they are there when they're struggling to improve any area of their lives, and make sure they are there during their victories too. they don't pick and choose when to be friends like they're at a pic-n-mix candy shop. they motivate and inspire each other and know that they will do the same for them.

i personally know that i need friends, they're worth putting in time, effort, money, sweat and tears. 'friendship' to me means all of these qualities above and part of my patriarchal blessing said to "consciously seek out the kind of friends i want to spend my time with."

choose your friends wisely: quality takes precedence over quantity.

Play

Winning face-offs 

Scoring goals

and posting some photos from Boise last weekend...Marko was on the ice for 10 of the 11 goals scored for our boys.

After his practice tonight I rented a movie that was about age and our common assumption that younger is always better. Surprisingly smooth, unwrinkled skin and ungraying hair isn't everything.

Of course, when that skin and hair belongs to Blake Lively, it's not easy to have much sympathy at first. She plays the role of Adaline, a young woman with a big secret. Turns out that Adaline, though it is the present time, was born in 1908. She married, had a daughter, lost her husband and then, at 29, almost drowned when a car accident landed her in frigid waters. Somehow, a scientific process involving a bolt of lightning both revived her heart and stopped her from aging.

Looking like a young Blake Lively forever might not seem much of a problem. But it's a lonely existence, because once she hits 45 or so, Adaline arouses suspicion. She has to basically live on the run, changing identities every decade. She also can't live with her daughter, who's aging normally, which means she can only live with her dog — or succession of dogs, since each will die, sadly, at a normal rate.

As I watched I thought I might enjoy the notion of being youthful instead, because that’s a completely different thing. In fact, that’s something I can actually achieve.

Youth refers to how someone looks; it’s a reference to their body. Youthfulness is a reference to my life energy—a much nicer thing to strive for than my long lost youth.

My yoga teacher says that she can tell your “real” age by how flexible your spine is: If you can still bend it, flex it, and roll it, if it’s still malleable and fluid, you’re doing fine.  (Whether you’re 20 or 70, this is a realistic goal we can all try to attain!)

I agree with her, but from the viewpoint of my own point of view. Youth is something that’s present in your eyes. It’s a way of being in the world, of interacting with it and placing yourself in it.

It’s something you can see in a person’s energy rather than their skin—a liveliness and interest in their environment that regenerates itself.

If I want to stay youthful, I don’t need to go under the knife. Hey, I don’t even have to leave home. I've figured out I need to sustain these three simple-yet-much-more-magical-things.

1.  Play

Play means you’re having fun. It’s the polar opposite of work. Somewhere on the path to getting a career and “growing up” we forget that.

What does it mean to play with something?

• To engage
• in a light-hearted way
• to discover and explore
• without expectation
• or being invested in an outcome.

All of my favorite spiritual teachers have a cunning sense of humor about life and bring it into their teachings as well.

Do you do anything fun with your time?

When’s the last time you discovered or did something new?  When did you do something without trying to get some kind of end result from it, just for fun?

I am thinking it’s time to sign up for that scuba diving course or join a local knitting group once a week. (I hear that knitting can be fun.) Remember: Fun is the process. It has nothing to do with the outcome.  Play. Discover. Explore.

My mom used to say, "Never, ever take yourself too seriously." To ensure long lasting happiness, make this a primary way of interacting with the world.

2.  Desire

Desire is the energy that propels us forward.

It makes us want to stick around to see what happens next. Even a monk who desires nothing is driven by a strong desire—to desire nothing and connect with his higher Self.

Nurture desires. They can serve as the canon which continuously launches me into life.

When I wake up in the morning I ask myself:  How can I satisfy one of my own desires today?

Even if I have to work from 7-7:30 that day I can make sure that I do at least one thing everyday that I consciously chose to do because I enjoy it. It doesn’t need to be earth shattering. Take a long bubble bath, have breakfast with a friend, or write a post.

3.  Adaptability...

is the ability to adapt, to change.  Youthfulness requires me to be able to bend with life.

Case in point: Have you ever seen a baby fall over? Their soft little bodies are usually alright since they don’t break, they bend. 

The older I get, the more rigid I tend to become in both thoughts and bodies. Tension stiffens and leads to breakage. Like an old woman who refuses to change, rigidity about who and whatI am leaves no room for exploration. It means I'm old.

And it's a direct result of fear. Fear and presumption narrow down choices; they close things off to new possibilities and vitality. I'd rather take a risk every now and again. Step out of my box, even if it’s just a little step.

Youthfulness is about my vitality and spirit. I stopped chasing after that twenty-nine year-old skin years ago, embracing the wisdom that comes with age, and the next time I drive in a lightning storm, I'll smile. 

Head Space

Sitting in the sun

I believe that self-care is hugely important to living a happy, healthy life. It doesn’t have to be something big or extravagant or complicated. It’s just about getting to know your body and taking care of it on a daily basis. And I used to be worried about being selfish, until I remembered: I can’t take care of anyone else if I don’t take care of myself first.

Disclaimer: I’m not an expert, and I certainly didn’t invent this approach. This is just the method that helped me figure out self-care, and I hope it can help you too.

• Establish a baseline, a.k.a. stop putting poison in your body. This one may hurt, but cut out caffeine. Unless it’s prescribed by a doctor, cut out all the addictive stuff. Even if you only cut out caffeine for a couple of weeks, it will help you establish a baseline for what “normal” feels like. You might be surprised what you’ll learn about yourself.
• Make a self-care list. Write down everything you do (or could do) on a daily basis to care for your physical, mental, and emotional health. Start with the really easy stuff, like brushing your teeth, and go from there. Here’s my list to get you started: 

1. at least 8 hours of sleep
2. brush teeth
3. wash face
4. exercise
5. stretch
6. meditate
7. write a blog entry
8. eat at least 3 meals
9. take allergy meds
10. clean kitchen before bed
11. pack lunch for next day
12. massage! 

• I added a weekly massage to my list after attending the women and newborn conference where they talked about massages, and I love it! If you’re having trouble coming up with things, go through your day from beginning to end. What makes you feel better, physically or mentally?
• Figure out your priorities and make it manageable. This was the step that made a huge difference for me. Take your list and break it into three smaller lists: need, want, and bonus. The needs are things that are absolutely non-negotiable. The wants are things that you would really, really like to do, but you won’t be completely derailed if they don’t get done. The bonuses are things that you know will help you, but aren’t a priority.
• Don’t be afraid of trial and error. It took me some time to figure out my three lists. Originally exercise was a need and eight hours of sleep was a want. Then I started to notice that on days when I sacrificed my sleep to get a workout in, I almost always had a bad day. I flipped them, and it was a world of difference. I don’t feel as good when I don’t work out, but I don’t have the massive meltdowns I have when I miss my sleep. If you’re anything like me and you’ve spent years mistreating your body and mind, you might have no idea where to start, and that’s okay. Listen to your body, pay attention to what makes a difference, and make changes accordingly.
• Make your needs non-negotiable. No more binging Downton Abbey until one in the morning because it’ll be okay just this once. No more slipping up and forgetting to take your meds. No more working through lunch and figuring that two meals will be fine. Make your needs, and your health, your first priority.
• Use your energy wisely. If you finish all yours needs and you still have time and energy to start working on your wants, try to pick things in order of what will take the least effort and help you the most. I know my morning will be infinitely easier if I take the five minutes to pack my lunch, so that’s usually the first thing I do when I still have the energy. Mindfulness is pretty easy too. If you’re new to mindfulness, I highly recommend the app “Headspace.” A soothing voice walks you through ten minutes of mindfulness, and you won’t believe how quickly you’re able to relax into the practice. (I’m not selling for them or anything, I just really like the app.)
• Be ambitious, but don’t overwhelm yourself. My bonus column is pretty short because honestly, it’s pretty rare that I get to it. If you find yourself getting through all three lists and you still have time and energy, add more things! Even if it’s just an extra half hour of reading, add it to the list. That being said, if you find yourself barely getting through the needs, don’t beat yourself up. You’re on the road to self-care, and that’s the important thing.

Breaking it into these steps has made a huge difference for me, and I hope it can help you too. I’m still pretty new to the self-care game, and it’s not always easy. Some days I can get everything from every list done and still feel great. Some days it’s a struggle to get all of my “needs” done before collapsing into bed. I think (and hope) it’s one of those things that will get easier with time. I’ll be sure to keep you posted.