First things first: 2020 was the year I learned a million things about myself, but one of the most important was my inability to live a calm, peaceful and encouraging existence while fueling my body with junk food. (I know – obvious statement of the decade, but I’m a slow learner.) Although I’ve usually been a particularly healthful eater, I started making changes in my diet when I met Martin. Together we cooked dinners we thought were nutritious because they were made from ingredients at the grocery store, rather than a drive-thru. And they were nutritious, for the most part: fresh bread, fresh peppers, charcuterie, etc.
But what I didn’t realize was that my diet prior had contained loads of not-so-fresh chemicals and additives and preservatives and natural flavors I couldn’t pronounce. And when my boyfriend passed along his diet to me earlier this year, I couldn’t ignore the facts. It was as if someone was writing a memoir about my life: n more sluggish mornings, energy slumps in the afternoon, cravings all night long. Instead of frequent breakouts, bloated stomach, boggling headaches I was suddenly healthier. Mine eyes had seen the glory, forever and ever, Amen. I'm so happy it was time to make a change.
So I decided to give it a go last spring (the official post is here, if you’re curious), thinking it would be fairly simple to cut out sugar. I already cooked mostly at home, and I’d given up spicy while nursing after realizing Morgen was allergic (and then later realizing I was, too – again, slow-learner!). But, simple it was not.
Don’t get me wrong – it wasn’t so magnificently difficult that it’s impossible, and it was one of those purposeful hards, like the kind where it’s pretty easy to press forward because you are learning something about yourself. After just one week, my head felt clear. This one’s hard to explain, because I didn’t realize my head wasn’t clear before. But suddenly, focusing was easy and my productivity was unbelievable and I just felt, kind of superhuman. Like a put-together version of myself that wasn’t continually at war in her own head. (Told you it was hard to explain.)
I distinctly remember a morning that was particularly frenzied – we were out of coffee and I’d just stubbed my toe and Divy was being of the general child variety and I was late for work. Non-Sugarless Brenda would have yelled, for sure. And maybe stomped, out of maturity, of course. But there was this weird holding period, like my brain knew reacting in a rash way wasn’t going to help anything, and I actually took deep breaths. (I’ve always read about the kind of people that take deep breaths, and I always wondered how they trained themselves to do that. Turns out it’s kind of natural if you take away the raging sugar telling you to scream.)
And after that moment, I was a changed woman. I realized that I’ve been fighting against myself for years now – trying to calm those anxious moments or stressful days or tense moments with everything other than the fuel I was offering my very own body. I was trading my peace for – quite literally – a slice of cake.
It sounds funny when I put it that way – like chocolate and cake and cookies are more important than daily sanity or peace or clarity. I mean, I always think of that story in the Bible where Esau gave up his birthright for a bowl of porridge, and it sounds like the silliest thing until I realize that I do this every.single.day. I trade self-control and will power for the comfort of food and a raging sugar high. And it just needed to stop.
Here’s one of the things no one tells you about eating healthy: it’s not really about the food. It’s about the clarity; the realization that food affects you on a very, very cellular level. It’s about devoting a month to learning that you’re stronger than a craving, that you can make better decisions that you think, and that it doesn’t have to be this hard to tap into the energy you already have.
I now eat healthy roughly 90% of the time and am slowly learning my balance. There have been days of over-indulgence that leave me achy, bloated and lethargic the next morning – the trigger my body provides to remind me to clean up my act. And I’ve learned that I can tolerate some additives more than others (for me, sugar is a non-negotiable; the stuff makes me act like a child).
And now that I’ve written a novel, I will be posting on here are a few of my favorite resources, recipes and ideas to help you clean up your diet, should you be interested! Stay tuned.
And lastly, a tough love quote that made me smile: “Don’t you dare tell us this is hard. Giving up drugs is hard. Beating cancer is hard. Drinking your coffee black. Is. Not. Hard… It’s only thirty days, and it’s for the most important cause on earth – the only physical body you will ever have in this lifetime.”
Tell me, would you ever giving up sugar a go? Have you ever tried a food “cleanse”? I’d love to hear your experiences!
