All Hallow's Eve

Ooooooooooooooooooooooo.....

Do you like to be scared?

Morgen said you must go to Castle of Chaos. He went there tonight with a bunch of his friends and dressed up as a pirate - Captain Morgen. Haha! 

Here are some pics from this years festivities.

(Those are four of my favorite hockey players.) Markus, with friends Beau, and Cole decided to all dress up as Ninja Turtles. Gavin opted for a red morph suit. And then they trick or treated through not one, not two but three neighborhoods across the valley! 

We drove all the friends to Cole's house - coming home and spending the night before going to hockey practice at 6 am. 

Chili, chips, apple cider and apple slices at our house before heading out to drive everyone around. 

Max and his friend Jake had weight lifting at Praxis Olympic Lifting tonight for his Jr. Grizzlies team and they hung out afterwards, shooting all the little ghosts and goblins out his bedroom window with marshmallow guns. Yikes! 

Markus wore his Mr. Potatohead costume to the school parade this morning - since he couldn't wear his mask from the ninja turtle costume. I love that smile.

Now please brag about your favorite kind of Halloween. I will have to live Halloween vicariously through you next year because Halloween isn't quit celebrated the same way in junior high and Markus will be in the new one they're building next year. 

One of 14,000 things to be happy about: the sound of laughing children at Halloween school parades. 
I got a little choked up as it will be the first in sixteen years that I won't have a child in elementary school. 

Who Are You, Really?

You are not a name

or a height, or a weight

or a gender

you are not an age 

and you are not where you 

are from

you are your favorite books

and the songs stuck in your head

you are your thoughts

and what you eat for breakfast

on Saturday mornings

you are a thousand things

but everyone chooses

to see the million things

you are not

you are not where you are from

you are

where you're going

and i'd like 

to go there

too

{My sister Ivy turned 40 today in Hawaii. This photo with her family was taken in June at Darlin's wedding. }

Somebody Call 9-1-1

I heard two fathers of hockey players tonight after Max's game starting to fight while the rink manager was saying,  "Somebody call 911!"

I’ve had all sorts of emergencies in my life. I’ve needed and wanted different things at all sorts of times during each incident. I’m incredibly blessed to have one friend who is a trained, glorious pianist, and there have been times when I’ve wanted her to play some soul-wrenching, Beethoven inspired piece to accompany the disaster, burning down to ashes. When I needed to tell someone about how much I loved my Grandma Jo, and how her glasses slipped down her nose. There have been times when my deepest, most sincere heart’s wish is for someone to come to my fire hauling a vitamin water. And an extinguisher. With a song, playing on a boombox to add a little extra flourish to the proceedings. One night I wanted someone to come close, sit beside me, and watch the ashes of old love letters floating up to meet the stars.

It's been two years - this month - since my marriage ended, people have approached me to say they wish they’d done things differently. I’ve approached people to apologize for not doing something, even if it was “I have no idea what to say – I’m just so sorry this has happened.” I have to wonder sometimes if with so much perfection and Pinterest we deter ourselves from doing a tiny something because it’s not more… well, significant, and for a lack of a better word- amazing.

My friends didn’t offer to fix anything. They gave me no promises, no scriptural recourse or plans. They were Christlike, as when Christ – just minutes from raising Lazarus from death - mourned with those that mourned. To bear one another’s burdens that they may be light. I'm not asked or expected to take all the pain and flames away – just to lighten the burden, to sit together, in the burn. Just to be there; in the ash, within the heat, amid the life burning down.

Thank you for braving the heat, to be with me in the fires of life. You have done something for me, which reminded me that I was loved, thought of, not forgotten or abandoned in the flames...what do you wish I would bring to YOUR fire?

Experience has helped in my own determination to not be “right outside”, but to brave the heat, bring something, or even play the piano, if that’s what someone needs of me.

Fall Sunshine and Smiles

"Keep your face always toward the sunshine - and shadows will fall behind you." -Whitman

{Markus is loving playing on the '03 Regulators hockey team this season.}

He also brought home his report card today and with a big smile on his face handed it to me. I opened it to find all A's and a hand written note from his teacher, Ms. W.: 

This is one smart, kind, talented young man with a very bright future! 

He's Awesome! :) 

No Place I'd Rather Be

I've been reluctant to write due to the sheer volume of places my head's been at, but I'm hoping to address that soon.

Here is where my heart has been for a while, being reluctant, over at the ice rink...

http://youtu.be/QkhnOs-wdCM

You Light Me Up Inside

Birthday Shout Out

I love you Bro

Smile Lines

God, why all the weight? The boys are shifting, stretching, shuddering into new muscles, growth spurts and needs, and I’m feeling I’m running at a loss. I don’t have the time I want with them, and I’m trying to fit everything in and breaking the laws of physics in the process. It’s these times of stress and pressure I wonder if I’m missing some fundamental component that would make it all easier… and have to accept that I’m not missing anything.

I’m not missing anything, because I’m here in my sons’ need for me, even at the ages of 19, 15 and 11 – ESPECIALLY at ages 19, 15 and 11. As much as I’d love (love as in melt into it like a chocolate fondue pot as a spa bath) some time to wrap my head around the demands and pace of nursing study, or the upcoming buzz and frenzy of the boys lives without any other commotion, it just isn’t going to happen. I don’t think that everything happens at once, and I don’t believe God makes everything happen for a reason – but I do believe He can and will make the happening have meaning and purpose, if I ask Him to, or look for it.

But some days I have the gnawing of a headache as soon as I open my eyes because I went to bed far too late, and so hold my eyes away from any light so as not to stir up some more mischief. Some days I’m not looking for God, even hoping I don’t see Him, because I’m tired and I’m cranky and while the last thing I said to Max before I left the house was “I love you!” the thing immediately before that was “Get ready for school NOW!!”

Today Morg and I laughed over the noises Markus was making because the bat had spit on it, and Marko practiced his drawing skill – just a simple sarcophagus, it’s been the one of the many things he likes doing lately, besides practicing magic tricks and shooting air soft guns, and reading and playing with friends. 

Maxi laughed this afternoon after the tyrant started calming down, watching conference and practicing his snoring, deciding that each practice he has had this week has left him stronger than the last. He’s wanting to know why he should keep doing drawing in high school, and wants to try out for the USA hockey team, and the constant going and busyness of his need makes when he’s asleep an audible balm of quiet and devout unceasing prayer that I will survive his teens, and that he will as well.

Morg’s facial hair is coming in more and darker – I have no difficulty now seeing under his jaw he's so tall, and realized today that half of his chin hair is brown/ginger. I see nothing of myself in him physically, though someone at school looked at us and said “He’s your son, right? It’s plain as day!” and he grinned and I was caught totally unaware. I love them all beyond all expression, and I know that I can’t do everything I want for them, I screw up at something every single day, and some days are just ridiculously stupid, and others… others have the boys playing army with airsoft on the front porch, sun shooting off their golden skin and grins as they ferociously debate the number of hits each can withstand from a pistol, and Max uses Molly as a secret weapon, laughing til he cries at the carnage and look on Marko’s face at being so royally and imaginatively trounced by his big brother.

I ate too many blueberry pancakes today, and they were perfectly crisp, staying soft inside. I ate too many, because I was tired and they were there and I wanted/needed a cry but Max needed me, so we drove to hockey together and let the Sunday morning light paint our car as we laughed and did a whole lot of nothing together.

Some days I don’t want to talk to God because I’m already suffering one kind of stiff-necked-ness and the light chases me wherever I turn, and I hope I don’t see Him because when I’m tired I’m cranky, which manifests as smartaleckey and sarcastic, and I love Him too much (mostly) to keep it to myself. Those days – like today – I know He loves me because He stays out of my way, so I don’t have to see Him, or deal with His love, because love complicates absolutely everything and makes you an addict, especially when it hurts like breaking just from trying. Those days, like today, I know He loves me because He stays where I can’t see Him, and still has my back. Those days, like today, He stays away from me, and instead stands next to the choir as they sing I am a Child of God, and watches Max wash his hands and come give me a damp soapy hug. Then helps me cry when they’re all in bed, sleeping.

Some days I feel happy and lonely at exactly the same moment. I’m extraordinarily delighted to be back at school, to feel my brain rise from hibernation and crack its jaws wide, ready. The boys are a bizarre wonder and a delicious delight, and being their Mom is the purpose to my days, the chaos to my evenings, the smile lines I carry with me. I love and I worry and I pray constantly that I’m doing better than I catastrophise and fear. And I think I am.

{Max and team at the USA Hockey headquarters last weekend.}

Guess What?

Gratitude, that's what, and mountains of it.

Gratitude for incredible, generous friends who contacted me, and gave birthday love and compassion in the forms of bike rides (thank you Queen S!) and being a waffle love benefactor (thank you Sharon!). Tears were shed (mine) and Marko was actually intrugued each time I brought home gifts in surprise.

Gratitude for the Quadro (401 K) processes working incredibly quickly, which has meant money in my bank, in my wallet, and an easing of the delightful eye twitch I've developed over the last few months.

Gratitude for my work being so busy, which has got us over the corset-tight times financially, and has taught me more about what I want to do as a career.

Gratitude for friends who listen, who swear and/or pray for the boys and I, who care enough to offer to come mow my lawn (thank you Nicole).

Gratitude for my ward family who only see me every other week, but will be cranky on my behalf in an instant.

Gratitude for my boys, who will check each other but rarely me in our card games, and who always yell "I love you!" at me when they leave the house/car/room.

Gratitude amongst the thunder and lightning strikes, for being able to laugh and sing and swear and splash in this beautiful mess that is my life.

Muddy Mishap

Nearly 300 college kids were left stranded in the rain, after their unauthorized camping trip turned into a muddy mess. 

"I just want to take a shower," said one drenched camper, this morning on the news. I was surprised to see it was Tezz, standing next to Morgen.  

Enthusiastic party-goers met for a last-minute camp-out on the Salt Flats. 

"Word in the college community was that there was a big party in the desert flats, and so a lot of people came out... there was a 50 percent chance of rain,” explained Alex, one of the 300 stranded campers.  

Sure enough, rain poured down all night. By morning, the campers realized at least 25 of their vehicles would not be leaving any time soon.

"The mud was probably like 6 inches, you know, soft—just soft—wet, mud-kind of clay material; no grip,” he described. 

"My car is sinking right now, as we speak, so hopefully we can come get it out," said another camper. 

For some time, nobody else knew the group was stranded because the campers did not have permission to use the property. 

Meanwhile, the school district sent a few busses to keep everyone warm.

"However, some have been walking down State Road 196, but we're trying to get them all gathered up,” said the police officer. 

Participants say they do not mean to muddy the water but that they have to address their problems...

"Our car was on fire. We put it out with mud," said one man.  

Investigators say they will remain in the area until everyone is out. In the end, the happy campers say their muddy mishap just may have been worth it.

"I mean, it was pretty fun! It was cool. It was a bummer that it rained and that there's kids stuck down there,” another camper said. 

As far as damages and injuries go, police reported one wrecked car and one assault. They say their main concern, right now, is figuring out how to get everyone home.

Meanwhile, I was at the park with Markus & Co. in the midst of a muddy air soft battle. Fun times. 

Good Things

rainy nights
candles
long phone calls
hot chocolate
love letters
the smell of old books
silences that aren't awkward
kept promises
cozy clothes
slow dances
british accents
pinterest
long hugs
cheek kisses
late mornings
you.

{Sunday - after Markus' last time being in the Primary Program}

happy happy happy fall

{What the world is like if we stop looking to get something in return, and love unconditionally}

{We seek it, want it, need it yet it is hiding from so many of us: genuine heart-felt unconditional love}

{When I first heard about unconditional love, that I have to love myself first before I can love another, it sounded so simple, but really it is hard: letting go of making myself, and others, wrong}

When I make someone else wrong, I hold the energy of needing to correct, convince, control, or change someone else (4-C's as my therapist called them). Someone should "be or do" what I expect. When I did that blaming, complaining, or condemning was normal.

When I make myself wrong, I hold up this standard of how I should be, and end up feeling not good enough. Then I see myself and other people as a problem or objects that need to be fixed.

{Not infatuation, lust, or what you think makes you happy, but true intimacy at the level of your soul}

{Creating deep authentic connections with those who matter most}

{Love seems to come in precious moments that time and busy-ness take away. Instead of trying so hard to make love work, I'm letting love flow}

{I grew up in a loving, caring family environment with five sisters and one brother. Being in the middle, I followed the rules and learned what was right and wrong}

My parents, my dad an accountant, both worked hard and taught us strong values of freedom, generosity, and learning to work together. It was critical that we spent time together outside either hiking, biking or traveling. It made sense, and we became two flight attendants, a para-legal, an interior designer, an entrepreneur, a professional ice-skater, and me, (almost) a Registered Nurse.

{With 29 children among us, we all get along with only a little drama once in awhile, and the most amazing family get-togethers. I look forward to the holidays, and numerous birthday celebrations. Surprisingly, it turned out we are the norm.}

{I attribute the love we experience to my mom, who gives of herself like no other with the uncanny ability to know I love peaches! :) She is one smart, highly productive woman.}

{Logical with astounding common sense, she instilled high self-esteem - the secret to happiness. I certainly knew I was loved. Yes something was missing.}

{There was criticism, and judgement growing up I couldn't see-right and wrong and good and bad. It wasn't just in my family, it was everywhere.}

{Expectations of how to behave, what we were supposed to know, who we were expected to be, and where we were to get married were clear.}

{When I enrolled in nursing school, I suddenly found myself on a spiritual path. Suddenly I was learning things that did not fit and I quickly learned what I could no longer share.}

{Harmony does not exist in my family because everyone knows what to say and what not to say. It's the opposite because we have stepped out of the "family box" and shifted something. My happiness grew when I unexpectedly discovered what unconditional love meant.}

I learned:

• Happiness is a changed state of being
• Love can be experienced on many different levels

{Sometimes people say or do things that have destructive consequences. Believing love is putting up with, sacrificing, tolerating, or suffering in silence thinking their commitment is proof of their love, isn't love.} 

Understanding, seeing, hearing, and accepting someone for who they are is love.

When I make someone wrong, there's a value I hold being stepped on. It's black and white in my mind, but in between lives everyone else's perception of truth.

Someone else not living up to my value of "hard work" is "lazy".
Someone who doesn't follow my idea of "giving" I may judge as "selfish".
Someone I judge as "inconsiderate" is not acting in a way I see as "kindness".

When I stepped out of my box, I noticed how it felt when others projected their values onto me. The question is not whether someone is right or wrong, but whether the words and actions are coming from a place of fear on one side or love on the other. The result is either constructive or destructive.

Extreme fear breeds hatred leading to very destructive consequences that al-Qaeda created on 9/11 in NYC on the World Trade Center. Extreme love leads to compassion, and what Mother Teresa created in the world she lived in.

When I let go of needing others to live according to my "right" way, I realize how others respond is just a projection of their reality. A shift happens away from fear, toward love and compassion where I seek to understand, share, teach and live. Trying to be patient was next to impossible in that place I was afraid, but to love and I find all the patience I need. In the search for truth, it is in the eye of the beholder. Discernment not judgement leads me to truth by being curious and noticing whether someones perception of reality comes from love or fear. It is the difference between:

Competition and Cooperation
Doubt and Trust

It will lead to:

Holding on or Letting go

I am not in a place to judge, I have no superiority. No one is inferior. It was a destructive energy of being attached to "I am right" that I projected onto someone else. I noticed what came back when I did that, was always defensiveness because, Hello! No one wants to be wrong. It took me a long, long time to realize being attached to "I am right" was criticism because I didn't necessarily see someone as inferior.

The Golden Rule found in almost all spiritual teachings: are you treating someone the way you want to be treated? Who wants to be treated to criticism and judgement?!

When I let go of convincing, correcting, controlling, and trying to change others, I release a big illusion of love: ownership.

I thought that belonging to someone was wonderful, but the opposite is true. Having the independence to share your true self and allow others the same brings true intimacy. No one makes you happy; happiness is found within. Until I lived with compassion with myself, the love I was giving was conditional.

I am a unique daughter of Heavenly Father raised from my birthday to the present day living my truth based on my own values, beliefs, experience, and understanding. In any given moment I can only "be and do" my "best". My "best" is not the same as someone else's "best". We cling to love wanting it to last forever, but it can't because we are the ones carrying that love, and we are constantly evolving. The love we share is either growing together or growing apart. The paradox of love is that it can grow apart, but it can also grow stronger.

I married someone who fit the idea of what I thought was "right," and my awareness at the time of what I thought would bring me happiness. It did.

I thought it was love, but it was conditional, and that's why it felt like something was missing. Now I know differently, and there is a lot more authenticity. I learn more everyday.

The secret to experiencing deeper love is allowing each other to grow.

On my birthday, I experienced the most profound sense of love I have ever known especially with my three boys where I needed to let go of criticizing and judging them. In the past year I have learned that love is wanting others to be happy without it needing to be about me. This is how I know I love my boys, family, friends, and even my students. They are not dependent on me for their happiness, and I am not dependent on them.

I know I can show up without criticism and judgment and I allow them to exactly who they are and that love is exchanged. Unconditional love doesn't always come with the family we were born into because criticism, judgment, and the resulting expectations are a huge part of family culture. Family love is strong, lasting, and nothing compares. Experiencing unconditional love required breaking free from the family circle to follow my heart, and my own truth.

True love is eternal even if a relationship grows apart. When I surrender judgement, I see the beauty in everyone. Including me.    
  

{This is love}

A Sky Full Of Stars

Just Another Day

time stands still best in moments that look suspiciously like...

ordinary life

-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/

Today was just another day.

The boys - even though it was Sunday - had hockey and I woke to their alarms punching holes in the night even earlier than I do for work.

Today was just another day.

I lay in bed, thinking of what I accomplished yesterday (not as much as I'd hoped), deliberately turned away from this next week, and thought of what needed to be done today. Remembered I had to get Max to Steiner for his last session of mini camp, take two quizzes before midnight (I promptly forgot), and the memory of protein shakes in the fridge waiting to be poured into glasses hauled me out of my cocoon.

Today was just another day.

Marko rushed up to me, snuggled in deep under my arm for a hug, his enthusiasm and "Happy Birthday Mom!" warm against my chest. He asked about my sleep, any dreams I remembered, if he could draw me a picture, mow the lawn, and asked me questions about what happens if a plane hits Mt. Everest and if he could buy a fake thumb and then wandered off to have a read in my bed.

Today was just another day.

Max came into the car, smiling theatrically over my shoulder as I loaded the car. He asked how I slept, what time is the hike, if I remembered ah to buy the trail mix he used to like when he was little. (It's been so long since he was little!) Morg and Tezz chatted about not much at all. Max one sentence about school as he drove to hockey, then ate four pieces of toast, peanut butter and banana dripping joyfully from his grip. He yelled out a denial to Marko's accusation of dusting (shinny hockey game competition had rapidly evolved to best of eleven) and they both sat, slapping at each other, laughing as I sat watching them and watching for cars. 

Today was just another day.

There were no cards, no breakfast in bed, no wrapped presents. Max offered a handful of his favorite nut and chocolate mix from his bag, and the offer itself was gift enough.  We watched as 19 hockey boys made their way up the trail, the beloved Dog Lake, repeating favorite lines together and laughing. Morgen, Max and Marko are all in bed now, snuggled in deep just the way they like it: Maxi in a knotted twist of blankets, dog and limbs, Morg impossibly pillowed with Tezz, and Marko my comforter kicked onto the floor.

Today was just another day.

I had kissed them each goodnight in the family room, saying "I love you" against their cheeks. Five, ten minutes later they each yell out again "Love you Mom!" and I yell it back, a tradition and defense against the world for years now, then their sleep drifts under their doors and down the hallway.

Today was just another day.

Despite the way birthdays excite me so delicately, so I'm an excited bunch of joy but no bleeding, today really was just another day. Another day of being with my boys, listening to them cry laugh and debate, having their laughter soak into my bones. To have Max want to drive me home from the picnic because of my headache, to Marko bouncing onto my bed to read beside me, to have the last thing they say - and hear - being "I love you", was just another day.

Just another ordinary, familiar and wonderful day.

Wake Up and Live

At one point I did think, in the lead up to this trip, "Yippee! I get to go TO Sun Valley! Life is good, all my dreams fulfilled!"* On the way, having waved goodbye to my boys as I headed northward, I still wrestled with the obvious truth that I was going, and this was my sister's retreat.

Somewhere over the dusty farm roads of central Idaho I rolled the worry and frustration and fear around in my mouth, assessed my bravery for half a second, then snapped my teeth against the thought of insecurities. If I was going to go to Sun Valley with my sisters, I was going to do it like old times, as me, and be able to say at the end of it that I had no regrets.

So I picked up my skates, stuck on clothes, said "Hi!" to the first person I saw and promptly had a blast for the entire three days I was away.

Post-Parade: hot, sweaty, hammered rollerblade fun! Also, had less than an hour to be ready for the last night this year of the "Sun Valley on Ice" show.

The first night, less than an hour after arriving at the condo, I was absorbed into the yumminess of pie after my sisters got back from going out for dinner. Thai food, absolutely delicious, with conversations and laughter and plate swapping going on all over the place. At one point on the drive up I pulled over, due to the lightning storm, and saw an ambulance at the airport on the way into town. I ended up being nearly 2 hours late for the first "catching up" to take place, and when I entered, I came face to face with the greatest gift life can give...my sisters.

Who, it happens, are also my friends. Which I knew would delight several of my friends happily watching my Instagram updates. I went for three reasons. 

B's Three Reasons For Going To Sun Valley

1. Sister time
2. Laughs
3. Skating

I found it kind of appealling, actually, that the month beforehand the Retreat had been arranged by Darlin texting us this:

There is enough room in my friend's condo for 7 people.  3 bedrooms plus a couch in the main upstairs living room. A girl's only trip for helping with my wedding flowers.

My life is so full of opportunities, and I'm shell-shocked, kind of bewildered and flattered at the same time.

I've learned so much from the long weekend away. About my sisters, about my doubts, reflexive reactions, fears and hopes. I've learned I don't laugh enough. I've learned that Darlin has a love for sharing her heart and thrift stores. I've learned.

Yet again, I've been shown by the Lord that He's just waiting to bless me. He knew of my angst and anxiety going to Sun Valley, and my determination to be with my sisters in the midst of nursing school. Then, He took my (sometimes grudging) hand when I went, and yet again poured out blessings over my head, in the shared meals my sisters all treated me to, the perceptions I had to change, the love and the forward momentum the weekend has generated, pushing me forward. Gently, deliberately, but still forward.

*Okay, so I don't say "Yippee!", except with sarcasm dripping in a steady, sticky stream off the exclamation point, but you get the idea.

Come What May (and Love it)

{Max taking a shot (top left) at the beginning of his first Jr. Grizzlies practice}

If there's one thing launching into the absolute unknown will teach you, it's that the thought "What on earth am I doing?" can move really quickly and repeatedly through your head. All day long, too. And at 4:15 in the morning.

It's the fourth semester of nursing school now, and I'm loving it. I haven't had a single moment of thinking "I've made a terrible mistake": if anything, every minute I spend there, or online on the canvas site, or even walking to and from class surrounded by people about half my age is that this is where I am meant to be. I'm feeling my intellect rise stiffly from the mud, and begin stretching, to work out the knots and cramps from sleeping so long. Even walking through the ground of the health science center is inspirational to me, with the architecture making me laugh:

or sigh in admiration:

So I know I haven't made a mistake in my decision to finish what I started all those years ago, and even a year in I can see this semester with pediatrics, obstetrics and mental health nursing are leading to a choice of career that excites me - I'm thrilled just looking at what the next year of studying will involve!

That being said, I've been chewing over this assignment for class.

Strengths, Weaknesses, Opportunities, Threats. 

I've got the Weaknesses listed right off the bat:

1. Self-doubt
2. Self-doubt. (Yes, twice - it's my biggest weakness)
3. Inability/insane difficulty in asking for help

Opportunities are easy:

1. RN degree that fascinates me
2. Emerging areas for study
3. Upcoming job interview New Head Unit Clerk job
4. Letting my brain run free in all areas of my life

Threats (to me and my family)

1. My sleep deprivation
2. Not saying 'no'
3. Time management fumbles

It's the Strengths that have taken up a significant chunk of my mental processing. What I've got so far:

1. Communicator
2. Passionate parent
3. Great test taker
4. Efficient
5. Cool in emergency situations
6.    ??
7.    ......
8.    um....
9.    ...?...
10. Does sarcastic humor count?

Some friends have said "Shouldn't you just be going to school? You know, the whole do something you love idea?" While the idea definitely has merit, I deliberately chose NOT to do that because:

1. I can't think of a better way than to work within the "nursing degree" field to have those learning experiences. Yes, that includes long-hours, on-call shifts, etc.
2. The brain fascinates me, and has for years. Doing my degree will give me a career that has so many different options and pathways I get giddy - and grin - just thinking about it.
3. The careers through my degree are much more financially rewarding and secure than any skating related.
4. Shhhh - it's a secret little fourth one - I'm not really sure I'm good enough to coach skating full-time for a living. Or the work that I'd end up doing (which would already be "settling" - see point 1) would take my attention away from the books and clinical's I need to complete my RN degree.
5. I'm far more excited about simply what's involved in doing my degree than the thought of PSA certificates, and that says a whole lot as well.

So I will keep on writing on my blog, teaching for my students (even when I do get freaked out when so many people call me for lessons), plan and write some nursing diagnoses/care-plans/process recordings, all around the growth and development that my degree will put me through.

And hopefully be able to fill out a couple more of those "Strength" spots. Though looking at it right now, it sure suits the degree I've chosen!

{Max taking a knee after the 1-1/2 hour practice}

Super Nurses

2014 

Courageous 

Passionate

Confident

Gentle

Strong

Careful

Hard-working

Respectful

Intelligent 

Dedicated

Flexible

Kind

Attentive 

Caring

Go the Extra Mile

Compassionate

Not afraid of a challenge 

Comforting 

Observant 

Cheerful

Responsible

First Day of School 2014

Today was the first day of school for my little buddies.

My boys were up, showered and fed in impeccable time and also about 15 minutes early to school.

As I drove Markus to school I began crying. This is kind of a big deal for me--Max in high school?!  It's hard to believe it is Markus' last year in elementary school. I was happy and sad and everything in between. But I made sure he knew that this was a very happy event for him. As I drove him closer to the front door I gave him a little kiss on the cheek. And he gave me a big hug in return. 

{6th Grade}

6th grade

I deeply know that Markus is a leader among his peers. He understands that there is always someone who is suffering, 

someone who struggles, someone who needs a friend and he is that friend. He is aware of others needs, and he looks out for the boys who need help or support, or just a simple smile.

Max is a genuine, happy, kind, sensitive, confident and warm boy. He usually has been and because of those wonderful traits, he will likely succeed at all he does.

10th grade 

14th grade