Living With A Purpose

A few of you asked if I’d share more about Morgen’s diagnosis in college (mentioned in this post), but I just didn’t feel like it was my story to tell, you know? There’s always a fine line and delicate balance when your story kind of spills over into someone else’s life, and for a weighty subject such as this, I wanted to pass the pen to Morgen. (He’s the better writer, after all. Trust me!) He was sweet enough to answer a few questions below, after being released from the hospital today, so read on to hear his thoughts on taking risks, staying intentional and what it’s like to live with a purpose…

Upon hearing the news, what was your initial reaction?
I experienced different reactions as I received more news from each specialist. The first night with my first doctor, I was filled with anxiety about my car and where I had left it. When someone says you have a certain condition, you see reactions from those around you that you wouldn’t get to see otherwise. It’s kind of like going to your own funeral without dying. At the same time, you don’t really believe you’re actually going to die. You know it’s a possibility, but we all sort of feel – in some strange way – that we’re invincible. The invincibility complex kind of takes over and all it leaves you with is a weird sense of opportunity. This might sound strange, but I always liked getting called into the principal’s office when I knew I did something wrong, because it put me in an abnormal position to build a relationship with my consequence. And in a way, this was the same thing. It put me in an abnormal position to stretch relationships, but with consequence. My diagnosis was given during a time where stress in my life was stronger than ever, so it’s like, even if – worst case scenario – the under lord kills me after I have given up all my earthly possessions, I still get to wind up in heaven. A pretty solid safety net. It made sense to me in that current state of mind of psychosis or what ever the doctor at the moment called it. I mean I was going to school at night for my master's program, while working in my first real job as an accountant for the IRS auditing agency. Since they are located in Ogden I would get up at 6 am to drive an hour each way to work and then go right to school at the U and then come home to study and my brain wouldn't shut off. I would keep thinking, "I have to sleep, I have to get up at 6am!" But it just would get more wound up and after a week of not sleeping my mind couldn't tell the difference between what is real or not. When I went to Wendover and lost my wallet it made sense to drive until I left my car for the under lords. It sounds really crazy now explaining it but I could smell them when they were telling me what to do. I'm kind of glad that they know now that I have to sleep and can give me medication to help.