Wake Up and Live

At one point I did think, in the lead up to this trip, "Yippee! I get to go TO Sun Valley! Life is good, all my dreams fulfilled!"* On the way, having waved goodbye to my boys as I headed northward, I still wrestled with the obvious truth that I was going, and this was my sister's retreat.

Somewhere over the dusty farm roads of central Idaho I rolled the worry and frustration and fear around in my mouth, assessed my bravery for half a second, then snapped my teeth against the thought of insecurities. If I was going to go to Sun Valley with my sisters, I was going to do it like old times, as me, and be able to say at the end of it that I had no regrets.

So I picked up my skates, stuck on clothes, said "Hi!" to the first person I saw and promptly had a blast for the entire three days I was away.

Post-Parade: hot, sweaty, hammered rollerblade fun! Also, had less than an hour to be ready for the last night this year of the "Sun Valley on Ice" show.

The first night, less than an hour after arriving at the condo, I was absorbed into the yumminess of pie after my sisters got back from going out for dinner. Thai food, absolutely delicious, with conversations and laughter and plate swapping going on all over the place. At one point on the drive up I pulled over, due to the lightning storm, and saw an ambulance at the airport on the way into town. I ended up being nearly 2 hours late for the first "catching up" to take place, and when I entered, I came face to face with the greatest gift life can give...my sisters.

Who, it happens, are also my friends. Which I knew would delight several of my friends happily watching my Instagram updates. I went for three reasons. 

B's Three Reasons For Going To Sun Valley

1. Sister time
2. Laughs
3. Skating

I found it kind of appealling, actually, that the month beforehand the Retreat had been arranged by Darlin texting us this:

There is enough room in my friend's condo for 7 people.  3 bedrooms plus a couch in the main upstairs living room. A girl's only trip for helping with my wedding flowers.

My life is so full of opportunities, and I'm shell-shocked, kind of bewildered and flattered at the same time.

I've learned so much from the long weekend away. About my sisters, about my doubts, reflexive reactions, fears and hopes. I've learned I don't laugh enough. I've learned that Darlin has a love for sharing her heart and thrift stores. I've learned.

Yet again, I've been shown by the Lord that He's just waiting to bless me. He knew of my angst and anxiety going to Sun Valley, and my determination to be with my sisters in the midst of nursing school. Then, He took my (sometimes grudging) hand when I went, and yet again poured out blessings over my head, in the shared meals my sisters all treated me to, the perceptions I had to change, the love and the forward momentum the weekend has generated, pushing me forward. Gently, deliberately, but still forward.

*Okay, so I don't say "Yippee!", except with sarcasm dripping in a steady, sticky stream off the exclamation point, but you get the idea.

Come What May (and Love it)

{Max taking a shot (top left) at the beginning of his first Jr. Grizzlies practice}

If there's one thing launching into the absolute unknown will teach you, it's that the thought "What on earth am I doing?" can move really quickly and repeatedly through your head. All day long, too. And at 4:15 in the morning.

It's the fourth semester of nursing school now, and I'm loving it. I haven't had a single moment of thinking "I've made a terrible mistake": if anything, every minute I spend there, or online on the canvas site, or even walking to and from class surrounded by people about half my age is that this is where I am meant to be. I'm feeling my intellect rise stiffly from the mud, and begin stretching, to work out the knots and cramps from sleeping so long. Even walking through the ground of the health science center is inspirational to me, with the architecture making me laugh:

or sigh in admiration:

So I know I haven't made a mistake in my decision to finish what I started all those years ago, and even a year in I can see this semester with pediatrics, obstetrics and mental health nursing are leading to a choice of career that excites me - I'm thrilled just looking at what the next year of studying will involve!

That being said, I've been chewing over this assignment for class.

Strengths, Weaknesses, Opportunities, Threats. 

I've got the Weaknesses listed right off the bat:

1. Self-doubt
2. Self-doubt. (Yes, twice - it's my biggest weakness)
3. Inability/insane difficulty in asking for help

Opportunities are easy:

1. RN degree that fascinates me
2. Emerging areas for study
3. Upcoming job interview New Head Unit Clerk job
4. Letting my brain run free in all areas of my life

Threats (to me and my family)

1. My sleep deprivation
2. Not saying 'no'
3. Time management fumbles

It's the Strengths that have taken up a significant chunk of my mental processing. What I've got so far:

1. Communicator
2. Passionate parent
3. Great test taker
4. Efficient
5. Cool in emergency situations
6.    ??
7.    ......
8.    um....
9.    ...?...
10. Does sarcastic humor count?

Some friends have said "Shouldn't you just be going to school? You know, the whole do something you love idea?" While the idea definitely has merit, I deliberately chose NOT to do that because:

1. I can't think of a better way than to work within the "nursing degree" field to have those learning experiences. Yes, that includes long-hours, on-call shifts, etc.
2. The brain fascinates me, and has for years. Doing my degree will give me a career that has so many different options and pathways I get giddy - and grin - just thinking about it.
3. The careers through my degree are much more financially rewarding and secure than any skating related.
4. Shhhh - it's a secret little fourth one - I'm not really sure I'm good enough to coach skating full-time for a living. Or the work that I'd end up doing (which would already be "settling" - see point 1) would take my attention away from the books and clinical's I need to complete my RN degree.
5. I'm far more excited about simply what's involved in doing my degree than the thought of PSA certificates, and that says a whole lot as well.

So I will keep on writing on my blog, teaching for my students (even when I do get freaked out when so many people call me for lessons), plan and write some nursing diagnoses/care-plans/process recordings, all around the growth and development that my degree will put me through.

And hopefully be able to fill out a couple more of those "Strength" spots. Though looking at it right now, it sure suits the degree I've chosen!

{Max taking a knee after the 1-1/2 hour practice}

Super Nurses

2014 

Courageous 

Passionate

Confident

Gentle

Strong

Careful

Hard-working

Respectful

Intelligent 

Dedicated

Flexible

Kind

Attentive 

Caring

Go the Extra Mile

Compassionate

Not afraid of a challenge 

Comforting 

Observant 

Cheerful

Responsible

First Day of School 2014

Today was the first day of school for my little buddies.

My boys were up, showered and fed in impeccable time and also about 15 minutes early to school.

As I drove Markus to school I began crying. This is kind of a big deal for me--Max in high school?!  It's hard to believe it is Markus' last year in elementary school. I was happy and sad and everything in between. But I made sure he knew that this was a very happy event for him. As I drove him closer to the front door I gave him a little kiss on the cheek. And he gave me a big hug in return. 

{6th Grade}

6th grade

I deeply know that Markus is a leader among his peers. He understands that there is always someone who is suffering, 

someone who struggles, someone who needs a friend and he is that friend. He is aware of others needs, and he looks out for the boys who need help or support, or just a simple smile.

Max is a genuine, happy, kind, sensitive, confident and warm boy. He usually has been and because of those wonderful traits, he will likely succeed at all he does.

10th grade 

14th grade

Back To School Feast 2014

Well, we did it! The back to school feast was held on the day before the night before school started for my cute boys. Partly because Morgen and I started school the day before them and partly because it was a perfect night for it. 

I didn't make crowns or personalized stars, hire a photographer or buy gifts to give my boys but I did set the table with my best dinner ware and wrote on the chalkboard sign. And they seemed to enjoy the good food and time together before we are off to another school year of schedules and homework. 

Max and I prepared: 

Grilled chicken with seasoning

Tossed Caesar salad with freshly grated Parmesan cheese and homegrown tomatoes

Red ripe raspberries with vanilla bean ice cream for dessert 

The end 

Have a wonderful weekend!!!

Life {in bullet point form}

--Remember Blog Every Day in June? This year I am doing Blog No Days in August. It's awesome, you should try it.
--I feel the need to ease back into this. Hence, the bullet points.
--I think I may have forgotten how to write. All creative energies have been channelled elsewhere. (See what I've been up to here, if you're curious).
--[Insert grunting noises and poor grammar.]
--Morgen is officially a sophomore in college. He received his Business Calculus final results, and he aced it! Was also an A/B student in Accounting and English this summer. Pretty sweet.

--Yay, Morgen! 

-- On another note, I have been feeling so healthy lately. I haven't really lost any weight, all I do is hike with my boys and work school homework. I am brainstorming ways to keep myself in this good of shape. I like feeling this way.
--Super moon was nice.
--Morgen's 19th birthday was nice.
--Summer has been nice.
--Max got a summer lawn-mowing job that pays real money... we are excited and confused by this concept.
--That is all.

Congratulations on reading the most boring and ridiculous blog post of all time. I'll try to be better next time.... ;)

Whitney: I mustache you a question?

How did you get to be 13 years old????