Driving Mr. Morgen

Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth. ~Erma Bombeck

Morgen is just finishing up his required driving hours. He lost his learner's permit on the first day he was scheduled to drive with his driver's ed teacher. So after taking him out to the DMV TWICE, he has his replacement learner's permit. He drives before school at 6:30 a.m. and with six hours down, and six to go, he is almost to the point of driving on his own. Now, he just needs to buy a car. Oh, and get a job to pay for it. lol

Questions

I won’t write the question, but I will say that it was answered by someone saying that courageous decisions require hope. Make them.

Prayers for Connor

My little nephew Connor is sick. Very sick. He somehow got the German Measles and is covered in the red rash with a high fever. His little heart needs all the help it can get and this is not helping him any. Please pray for him, think good thoughts, send positive energy...whatever your thing is, that he gets well soon. He needs it.

{Connor at his sister's birthday party last month, where he could have picked up this dreadful disease.}

Tell Me

Tell me something happy. Rollerblading up and down the streets of my neighborhood I can describe the anguish in one house after the other:

a baby born still

a house under foreclosure after the loss of a job

a teenage son in jail for burglary

a marriage broken by addiction

the sudden brain-surgery of a mother of two newly born twins and three older daughters

debilitating depression

a grandmother with Leukemia

a father who abandons his wife and 6 children for one of his clients (he was a marriage counselor)

I’ve watched so many lives change in an instant that I celebrate with anyone who is having a season of peace and happiness (and travel!). I especially like those who can find happiness in the midst of sorrow.

My heart is being eased by thinking about a glorious trip to Sun Valley next weekend, where my sister and I will eat delicious meals, skate in the sun for hours and watch romantic comedies.

Tell me something good in your world– a healthy body, a dream wedding, a new quilt on your bed– tell me something happy. Let’s celebrate together.

Warnings

As NYC prepares to evacuate in the face of Hurricane Irene, I wonder if it really will cause as much damage as the Mayor is predicting. I was just reading an article in the NY times about how most residents of the city are not taking the warnings seriously. How is it that even when people are warned of impending doom, they still don't want to change?

When I look back at pivotal events in my life, I am often retrospectively aware of the blessings of advanced warning, little nudges from a loving God who knows I do not handle change well. I guess I function better once the shock has mellowed, when I can respond graciously rather than from a place of fight-or-flight. It gives new meaning to if you are prepared ye shall not fear.

Dreams

The boys just finished the last Regulators hockey practice for the summer. The coach invited them to come back and join them when they have another informal camp over Christmas break. Max was saying on the way home from the Oval, that with drop-in tomorrow he will have had a hockey practice everyday this week. And that he won't have any next week. He then said that he can not wait for hockey season to start and was asking me about playing on another team that practices out at the Oval like a few of his friends did last year that played on his Lightning team. I picked up a flyer on it but didn't sign up yet. I am not sure how I would get him out there with teaching, homework, dinner and Markus playing up in squirts this year at Steiner. I will have to see when the practices are I guess. I really want to support him in his dreams of being a professional hockey player, but the reality of it is a different story.

How do you balance encouraging you children in achieving their dreams and grounding them in reality?

Showdown

The Showdown hockey clinic finished up tonight. Max enjoyed it but Markus had so much fun that he told me afterwards that he wishes he could go to it every night.

Max, Coach Todd and Markus

Some of the skaters from the clinic

{Almost 40 skaters in all}

Moving

The other day while I was driving the boys to school I received a text message from a friend of mine asking for help:

“Hi! I'm quickly realizing how much stuff we have to pack in boxes and we only have until Wednesday afternoon. If you have time to stop by between now and Wednesday afternoon we could use some serious reinforcements to help box our things up. We really appreciate any time you can spare!!! Thank you and love you!!! ”

We all hate to ask, but the truth is sometimes we find ourselves in need and it just doesn’t seem right to deny others the opportunity to serve while we sit there moving, or needing a ride or a friends listening ear. I went home from work that day and cheerfully made my way over to her house, and a batch of this amazing zucchini bread. I was thrilled that my friend would ask and that her simple request turned what would have been yet another day of menial labor—into an act of deliberate and loving service. Service which I was not only able to share with my family and hers, but also with my sister who is staying with me as well. I was also humbly reminded that perhaps I should perform all menial tasks in my life as labors of love.

All because my friend had asked.

Perhaps part of the reason my friend was not afraid to ask (even as badly as she hated to) is because on a few occasions in the past (even as badly as I hated to) I’ve texted her and asked her if she was free to check my garage to make sure that I had closed it (or whatever). Sometimes she was free and ran over to check (and it was closed, I just freak out sometimes since I have had three bikes stolen out of it). Sometimes she’s not and she tells me so (also why I have the nerve to ask–she’s not afraid to tell me “No.” I know not to take it personally when she does).

We’re all aware of so many wonderfully inspiring stories of people who were moved to call, visit or take food to someone who was truly in need at a particular moment. I have complete confidence in the Spirit. But I failed Mind-reading 101. Our lives are so full of things to do and places to be. It’s easy to be distracted by the busyness of it all–church, work, home, play, whatever. Some of us need a less subtle hint.

I appreciate the courtesy of someone who is not afraid to tell me what she needs. And I will miss her living so close. I will especially miss her adorable little daughter blowing me kisses whenever I leave.

Stations

{Markus at the Showdown hockey clinic that started last night}

{He was loving it!}

{One of the great things about it is all of the stations they get to rotate through. Markus is speeding through this one on the right.}

{Max was in with the Bantams and still beating them to the puck}

{They both told me after the 1 1/2 practice that it only seemed like a 1/2 hour. That is how much fun they were having I guess.}

The clinic runs Monday through Thursday this week.

Back To School

I woke up to a small sound at five in the morning, my mother sensors detecting something is not right. There it is again–a soft sniffle, a low moan. Is someone crying? I shuffle into the hallway, squinting from the scant hours of sleep and still half in my dream.

Markus is crying–a soft, forlorn sob that breaks my heart. I scoot over a bit to sit next to him on the floor in front of his closet. I fit my legs into the angle of his (and note for a second how his legs have stretched longer in the last few months) and wrap my arms around him. He spills out his worries and disappointments that have been building under his cheerful 8-year-old exterior. Loneliness, at the thought of Max being in Jr. high school this year and not being around before school to play with (harass) him in the mornings. Fear, that Max will have so much homework he won't have time to play with him after school anymore.

There was a time when my night time ministrations were easier, when, bleary eyed, I could provide milk and nearness and that was enough to satisfy his nighttime needs. Now my role isn’t resolving or satisfying but simply witnessing & waiting while he resolves for himself. Now, I can only keep these things and ponder them in my heart.

{Markus' first day of Third Grade}

He wanted to go school shopping last week

and this Cubs shirt is the only thing he wanted to buy.

{He was soooo excited to see his friends in his class line!}

{Morgen on the other hand...wasn't too excited for his first day of being a Junior in high school. But what did I expect?}

Since Max had his first day of school last week, he wasn't nervous today. And since Markus woke up early enough, he came with me to drop Max off. Then he and I went to have a bagel and egg sandwich before his school started an hour later. I was just thinking why didn’t I do this with my older boys and spend a little more time? What’s so difficult about that? I sigh, stretch my ear to my shoulder and wish for a do-over.

Summer's End

{Max's last item on his summer list - Surfing}

I do NOT want school to start.

Swimming in the pool every afternoon, leaving rooms messy, reading on the porch in the shade. Licking Popsicles, dancing to Katy Perry waaayyyy too late, going to week-long hockey camps and scout camps.

I just got back from a fantastic rollerblade-across-the-park where Max and Markus stopped whenever they wanted to play. This summer my boys ate whatever they wanted, slept when they felt like it, stopped at parks and played outside for hours on end.

Why would I want to end it all?

My kids will be taken from me for 8 hours a day; I’ll be left with the ugly reality of dirty toilets and dusty floor molding. I will stand in my empty house each morning wondering how it all came to this. I might have more time to write, but what will I write about? I’d homeschool them if I thought I could actually teach them anything at all about polynomials or planetary orbits, but I know how home schooling attempts mostly involve reading and playing.

I haven’t always felt this way.

August has usually brought the pleasure of watching my children head out the door for learning endeavors. I would heave a heavy sigh of relief to know that regimented and structured life had returned to our home.

But not this summer.

This summer has been a joy.

It’s been a choice.

I’ve decided that my happiness is mine to choose, I’ve decided to listen to all that advice I so easily dish out to my kids. My happiness is not something bestowed upon me like a royal crown. And since I have no idea how long my life will be, or what my future will be, I’m speeding things up. I’m choosing now to enjoy it. I’m not going to wait any longer for the happy fairy to find me. I dragged her over to my house. Why did it take all that pain for me to realize that I can enjoy my life now?

I choose.

And I did.

Drive-ins and Drop-ins

[Marko, Maxi and Che sitting on top of the car at the drive-in movie last night]

[Mark, Che and Max duking it out at drop-in today]

[These Three Musketeers can play on the ice for hours]

No matter how much time these three little monkeys get to play together - they always are begging for more!

"I never had better friends than the friends I had when I was twelve. Does anyone?" - Stand By Me

Rafting

{Markus meeting his new teacher for this year at SEP conferences}

{Markus, Che, Morgen and Max before our white water rafting adventure yesterday}

{Our group with our fearless guide, Cole}

Remember my friend from the Rockwell Relay last month, Kristen? Her husband, Kyle, owns a water water rafting company and she invited me to come try it out sometime. So we did yesterday after Max had his half day of seventh grade. It was a perfect, hot day for rafting the river and our guide, Cole made it really fun for the boys. Lifting them out of the river and back into the boat whenever they went overboard. I have never been before and neither had the boys so we all didn't really know what to expect. It was so much fun and I would go again for sure if I get the chance. I would recommend Kyle's company, The Park City Rafting Company if you ever want to go on a fun filled adventure!

"Sevy"

{Max's first day of Seventh Grade was today!}

{He learned how to open his locker and find all of his classes.}

{Love that smile!}

Whoop

Whoop, there it is!

Max and Che came up with a basketball act today while jumping on the tramp...

They were talking about trying out for America's Got Talent with it. I think they should probably stick to hockey though! lol

Amazing

The place was in a canyon in the mountains, surrounded by thick green forests. We stopped there to hike to the falls, that used to be called Donut Falls. It was an easy half-mile trail through meadows with rippling grasses as high as my waist. The beauty of the place was a combination of the pieces—the grass, the trees, the mountains, the winding river, the sky—all adding up to a scene that I think is the epitome of beauty.

But more than seeing the beauty, I remember feeling it. I walked a little ahead of the boys, the sun warming my head, and the Spirit warming my heart. I felt an awe for a God who could and did create such a place. And I felt thankfulness for the privilege of walking among such beautiful work.

 

After our little hike up to the falls, my two boys and I found a campsite close to the river so that Markus could finish off his summer list, fishing and roasting hot dogs. Morgen was at his friends house for a sleep over and I had already finished teaching for the day by early afternoon, so we decided to make a day of it. I thought about my own mother who felt such a deep love for the outdoors that she planned and prepared these kind of adventures every summer, weathering the hassle of cooking and hiking with 7 children. 

I’ve always consciously tried hard to recognize and appreciate the unique beauty of each place I’ve lived. Certain things like the way a tree curves, the color of spring grass, or the magic of a cliff above the ocean, where grass, sky, and water all seem to meet. And feeling that awe usually humbles me. In my tiny sphere of responsibility as a mother, I marvel at the creation and perfection of my children’s bodies, the perfect little dimples in chubby feet, the way my son’s eyelashes look when he sleeps, or the strength I see developing in my son’s body. I feel amazed that I was a part of that process–that somehow my body helped create. What do you think? What makes you stop and marvel?

The Bird

Snowbird

At drop-in hockey on Saturday my students dad, that works at Snowbird, graciously gave me more passes to play for free. So today after I finished teaching, I took the boys up. Morgen wanted to come this time and it was a beautiful day to play in the mountains.  

Powerful

While I may lack political power, star power, or excess capital, I still feel pretty powerful. Yes, me, an obscure, mom in suburbia.

I was reflecting and questioning why I felt powerful despite my obvious lack of power in any recognizable way—other than my ability to deliver a mean high spiral. I came up with an unusual answer. I feel powerful because I see potential; I can influence; I can connect; I make things better; I can use positive means to create good things in the world. It’s the power that George Eliot speaks of in his quote:

That I may live to be one of the best women, who make others glad that they were born.

Personal power. This brand of power is one I learned from one woman, my sister Marilee.

 

Marilee with her daughter Candie ~ 1996

Few things have shaped my life like this powerful woman. Yes, anytime I use the words “smart,” “sharp,” “great,” or “powerful” to describe her—I use those terms interchangeably—people think I am being judgemental. But I realize they may not share my perspective. So I’ll explain. I don’t mean she is a famous woman. I don’t mean she only is a woman with a high IQ or a laundry-list accomplishments. Unlike some of the women that are accomplished; she never finished college or worked jobs of any notoriety. She may or may not fit traditional social definitions of being attractive, yet I believe she is beautiful.

I’m talking about someone who brings to the table a sense of purpose, a sense of self. I don’t mean a 1980′s, fakey, “high-self-esteem” self, but an authentic sense of where she fits in. She just gets it; she is comfortable in bringing her own talents to the party. I love that she is her own flavor—like Baskin Robbins. She is totally cool with being butter pecan, even if chocolate fudge brownie is still the most popular. It was while growing up seeing just such a woman that helped me find my own footing.

I appreciate women who choose to emanate great energy and love (yes, choose). In a world of critics and insult, I admire women who choose to build and nurture friendship. This doesn’t mean cookie-cutter similarity; it means connecting despite differences. I draw strength from women who have integrity, who are resilient, who take life and ride it no matter how many times they get bucked around. I love women who tell their stories, who aren’t afraid to get real, personal, and emotional, sharing the good, the bad, and the ugly.

I appreciate those who take the time and make the effort to leave you better than they found you, to change your day with something as simple as a compliment. In my life, she has been the one of those women who have taught me how to skate, taught me how to make bread, mentored me in my profession, encouraged me in business, wept with me, served me, and served with me. 

Sisterhood comes, in some sense, from shared biology and shared experience. However varied the lives of sisters may be—young, old, attached, unattached—the experiences of sisterhood shape and strengthen us and bind us.

My sister is one with whom I shared my growing up years, a bedroom, and Barbie dolls. Since she is eight years older than me, she is the person who was my wing-man whenever we moved to a new place.

So here you get it today: my shout out, pom-poms, rah-rah and so on for my sister's birth. I truly am glad that she was born.

Change

Our lives are intricate webs of relationships and forces – home, church, school, community, family, friends.  A shift in one area, relationship, or routine sends ripples across the whole system. It begs to be static.

It’s why bad patterns cycle over and over again. It’s why relationships stay dysfunctional. It’s why although people express a desire for change, it often never materializes. It’s why we set the same new year’s resolutions every year.

It is a lot of work to change.

One thing I hated about having a dad in real estate was moving. There was something about wiping the slate clean every 3 years or so. Sure it was fun to make new friends. But part of me yearned to never change – to keep the parts I liked and stay somewhere and be the same person.


10 year old B

I was very happy as a child. But as I reached my Jr high years, I really didn’t like changing. I wanted to be the same little girl I had always been. The trouble was it was too hard to not change in a body where everything was changing in front of me. I felt like everyone would notice and that attention would only add awkwardness to my attempts of staying little. When we moved to Utah just before I started high school, I decided to leave that part of me behind. It was hard, my instinct was to be obedient, to be helpful, to not spontaneously do anything without thinking about it. Still, I was determined. I wrote in my journal, "No matter where you go, there you are." Somehow I managed to pull it off. At least for awhile. I didn’t expect much, it only was baby steps, so it became natural to continue. As I looked back years later, I saw how powerful that experience made me feel – how meaningful it was to decide upon change and make it happen. Above all I was grateful for the space to change.

 Lately, I have been thinking about change and growth and how it relates to ourselves, our friendships, our families. Are there things you’d like to change?

Coach Oly



{Coach Oly, Max and Oly's son, Dylan, who just signed with the Chicago Blackhawks for this season}




{Max just finished his camp that has been going on all week}




{Max and his friend Che have been having a great time while getting stronger and faster}



They have also been hanging out after camp all this week as well. Che invited Max to the Regulator's  practice tonight at Steiner and so after three sessions on the ice today alone, I think they will sleep well tonight! 

Discovery



The new playground at the farm



The boys discovered a new playground today! It was on our way home from yet another snow cone run and Markus spotted it. Even though it was 95 outside, they still wanted to stay and play for over an hour.

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I had lunch today with the girls for Olivia's birthday. She also invited me to "The Help" last night with she and her mom, Bonnie, her daughter Maddie, and her sisters Naomi and Rosanne. We all were laughing and crying throughout the whole thing, even though we had already read the book and knew what was coming, it was really well done. Good acting, great directing and a very compelling script.

Oh, Molly!!!

Markus decided to try and dress Molly up today after swimming. He put Max's t-shirt, Morgen's boxers and his build-a-bear army helmet on Molly and she actually left it all on...for a few seconds anyways. Crazy boys. What will they think of next?