Summer is calling

Fun Morning To Run

Hockey Is Life

I never thought the time would come.

On Saturday, I read an email from Max's coach. Shock, there is no other word for the news of hearing about a senior hockey player from Viewmont who overdosed, his parents will never be the same. 

Throughout the last 9 years of my life, I dedicated my life to my son's playing hockey. Some of the first memories are of them roller blading around the garage making up situations in their head. They both did it. It’s the championship game in overtime, and the puck is on their stick.

Max met his first friends through hockey, many of whom he still plays with to this day. There’s something about the game that creates untouchable bonds between a group of people. Bonds that distance doesn’t break, which is something so rare.

One thing you learn early in hockey, is how much more important “we” is than “I.” The things Markus says he likes most aren’t scoring goals, big breakaways and back-door feeds. He loves the locker room, the road trips, the stories, the chirps, the parties, the heads that turn when everyone walks into the rink together, and just the overall family that is created when a team is clicking. 

“Hockey is life” lives deep inside him. 

There is something to be said about hockey players. They're a breed unlike any other, it's true the only way to understand it is if you have been a part of it. It’s never just a team, it’s a family. You will fight with your family, but when it comes down to it there isn’t a thing in the world you wouldn’t do to look after them.

Hockey has taught my boys more about life than anything else on earth. They learn about discipline, courage, toughness, teamwork and communication. On the ice, as in life, the person who is rewarded is the person who works and reaches the farthest.

While the amount of turmoil I went through growing up pales in comparison to many others, the ice was always my therapy. You can’t ever skate away from your problems, but you can at least avoid them for the hour or two you are at the rink. When I step on the ice, life is perfect and all my problems have been resolved for the time being.

There’s a reason why it’s much easier to go to the rink at 6 a.m. than it is for work or school.

When life gave me adversity, hockey was my counseling. Most of the time, Max didn’t know how to act or what to say. Markus is a strong boy who refused to accept what was happening. But when they are on the ice playing in front of me, they always know where I am. After games, I love to be the first to greet them both. Win or lose, I don't care. I know they are happy. 

During those moments at the rink, nothing is wrong. 

We’ve already fallen in love with the game because we know it’s something that will never leave us.

Hockey never gets divorced; Hockey never dies. There is always a clean sheet of ice somewhere. There is always a net to be sniped, and that first breath of cold air when stepping onto the ice is a feeling that can’t be replaced.

Without hockey, my life would mean little. Without the people I’ve met through hockey, my life would mean less.

The young man whose memory was honored tonight with donations from each of our players will be matched by team funds as well. It won't help to take away the pain his family will forever feel, but it might help his hockey family to feel like they have contributed in a small way. 

Rest in peace Cade. 

Memorial Day

Letting myself sleep for hours

Filling the house with flowers

Throw open the windows

And unlock the doors

I will remember the reason I'm free to be happy. It's because of the brave. I just learned that today at 3:00 is the national moment of rembrance. Will you please take a moment from your backyard barbecue and remember the fallen heroes? The reason for Memorial Day. 

Sixteen Candles

I am writing this post for my son.  He is only sixteen years-old, but he is maturing so fast. I wish him the innocence of his childhood, the ability to laugh at himself, a spiritual connection with God, and the desire to see the world.  That being said, here goes my top sixteen wishes for you:

1. When I look at you I see my heart.

I never imagined I had this much love to give until I had a baby.  I never thought I could possibly have any more to give until I had you. You have taught me that my heart and my capacity to love is not fixed, it grows and grows and grows.

2. Explore

Get outside as much as possible.  Breathe the fresh air.  Play tag.  Ride bikes.  Skip.  Hop.  Jump.  Run.  Climb.  NOW.

3. Accept others for who they are.

In an age where bullying has taken precedence amongst our youth, I hope I have taught you to see the value in differences – bottom line: It doesn’t matter.  Power lies in friendship.

4. Always keep moving forward.

There will be times in your life when you feel stuck.  It’s up to YOU to decide where you’ll go.  Keep on trekking.  Go, go, go kid.  You’ll move mountains.

5. You are Money Mayweather.

To me – you really do have superhuman strength and speed, the ability to defy the laws of gravity, and immunity to almost all forms of harm.  How else would you be able to move down the ice into the opponent, attack the puck out of it, “check” him – smack right into the boards and get up and walk away unscathed?  Answer: You are Money.  Case closed.

6. It’s okay to cry.

Crying is a natural emotional response to feelings.  We all do it.  Men cry.  Women cry.  Children cry.

7. Always be proud of who YOU are.

You may not be the quarterback of the football team, the homecoming king, or the lead singer in the band – but really now, who cares? As long as you stay true to who you are, everything else will fall into place.  Captain. 

8. No respectable girl wants to see your penis.

Since you are growing up in the technological age of iPhone and texting, you’ll inevitably come to learn the term “sexting.”  Please let me tell you now that sexting is a big, big, BIG mistake. Promise yourself never ever, ever, ever, ever send a picture of a private body part to anyone.  Ever.

9. I wish that you will remember and I taught you enough from a young age how to properly put on pants. One leg in, then the other, pull ’em up at least to your hips, zip, button, buckle. Done.

10. Before you leave for hockey/mission/college, you already are acquiring some skill at performing the following tasks: laundry (separating, washing, drying, folding), making your bed, dusting, mowing the lawn, cooking, grocery shopping, vacuuming, emptying the dishwasher, sweeping the floor, cleaning your bedroom, and watering the plants. You will thank me. 

11. Be a responsible driver.

I have no problem with you hitting the open road and taking your G-Wagon on a cross country adventure.  In fact, I will applaud your independence and desire to see the country from sea to shining sea – but please don’t make me book a 3:00 a.m. flight to Heaven knows where to visit you in the hospital.

12. Live your passion.

Keep working and achieving.  Never stop.

13. You will be my son forever.

There is an old saying that goes, “A son is a son till he takes a wife…” As you grow, I pray you will always remember I love you and that when the time comes when you want to be married, you will meet the girl that you want to tell everything to and want to share every moment of your life with her.

14. Love your Mother Earth.

Reduce, reuse, recycle.  Going green isn’t just a trend, it’s a way of life we are all adopting.  You need to be aware of how you live, shop, and consume.  An eco-friendly lifestyle will positively impact your health, your community, and your world.  Got that?  Now go hug a tree.

15. Be a brother.  Be a friend.  Be a protector.

16. Take the road less traveled.

May you always try to make the right choices, not the easiest ones.  Have the courage to lead, not follow.  And to dream bigger than most others think is possible. 

+ 1 wish to grow on...

Wherever you are in life, you can come home.  I will love you – always.

Science of healing; Art of compassion

{Gayle: Capstone Preceptor}

·        I contacted my preceptor, Gayle to arrange the clinical shifts for this semester.  I am required to work with her 100 hours.  I then give my instructor the schedule and arrange a time to meet with her and to get feedback on my performance. I am responsible to contact Gayle before the shift if I am ill, and arrange with her a time to make up those missed hours.

·        I also have clinical objectives for the experience which I can discuss with Gayle or obtain the information on their own.  I provided Gayle with a copy of these clinical objectives. I will submit a journal to my instructor addressing these objectives.  The clinical objectives are not “hands on” skill based but are a reflection of the didactic objectives which focus on the student gaining knowledge and insights regarding organizations, leadership, management/delegation skills, and strategies to facilitate working effectively with others.

·        Each clinical day, I will have a Preceptor Evaluation of Student Form.  Gayle fills this out and offers constructive advice in areas she feels I could/should improve in. The criteria on this evaluation form are both skill based and behavioral based.   This is a learning experience and her feedback is very helpful to my education. This Preceptor Evaluation of Student Form can be given in a sealed envelope to give to my instructor or faxed to the SLCC nursing department.  If she feels that I am not performing at a “satisfactory” level in any criteria, Gayle will note this on this evaluation form and feel free to call my instructor as well.

·        I am in turn able to, under her direct supervision; perform any skills within the RN’s scope of practice.   Some examples would include: physical assessment, medication administration, clean and sterile dressing changes, catheter placement, tracheostomy care, and IV insertion.  A strong emphasis on prioritization and delegation of patient care would be very beneficial to the student.

My first such clinical shift was today and I was very nervous. I woke up early, didn't eat breakfast before driving to the hospital and promptly fainted at the first epidural given of the day. When I woke up on the floor with sweet Gayle instructing me to "stay down" I couldn't remember what had happened. When the anesthesiologist informed me that he had been instructing me on the insertion of the catheter into the epidural space, I turned very pale and hit the garbage can on the way down. It wasn't the first epidural that I have ever seen done, just the first one on an empty stomach. How was your day?

Top 10 Tips

Today I give you my top 10 tips for hopefully getting through enjoying this last semester of nursing school...

1. wake with the sun - there is no purer light that what we see when we open our eyes first thing in the morning.
2. sit - mindfulness without meditation is just a word.
3. make the bed - the state of my bed is the state of my head. Enfold my day with dignity.
4. empty the hampers - do the laundry without resentment or commentary and have an intimate encounter with the very fabric of life.
5. wash my bowl - rinse away self-importance and clean up my own mess. If I leave it undone, it will get sticky.
6. set a timer - if I'm distracted by the weight of what's undone, set a timer and, like a monk in a monastery, devote myself wholeheartedly to the task at hand until the alarm sounds. 
7. weed the garden - weed, rake, or sweep. I'll never finish for good, but I'll learn the point of pointlessness. 
8. eat when hungry - align my inexhaustible desires with the one true appetite. 
9. let the darkness come - set a curfew on the computer, TV and phone and discover the natural balance between daylight and darkness, work and rest. 



{Breath}




10. sleep when tired - nothing more to it. 

Oh Captain

Five hours of tryouts over thirty-six hours and Max found out he made the AA Jr. Grizzlies hockey team. 

It wasn't much of a surprise as Oly had already asked him to be the Captain this year. Tryouts were kind of a technicality. I still loved watching him play today. 

Still

I found stillness

Today at work it was a breath ~ 

One lovely, slow, deep breath.

Thursday it was a moment drinking tea

at girl night. I noticed the steam curling up.

I decided to watch for spots like these daily. 

To plan for them, even. 

To enter them like I might 

the doorway of a dear friend. 

Friends make good times better, and hard times easier...

My friends, thank you for helping me discover what my truths are. Whenever you say, “You're so resilient” my heart beats stronger and my life’s purpose becomes a little more solidified.

{Nicole}

{Naomi}

{Heidi}

{Laurie}

U Belong

"U" belong...

A son who is filling out promissory notes for student loans at the U. 

A son who is reading all the exceptions to repaying them, including but not limited to...

 - becoming a librarian or joining the Peace Corp. Brilliant! 

A son who proudly shows me all A's in this final semester at the community college. 

A son who sometimes didn't want to study in high school because it was more fun to be with his friends. 

A son who gets up at noon to go to work to pay off the rest of his car making the best gourmet pizza's that you can bring home to bake. 

A son who breaks up with his girlfriend and still feels okay with himself. 

A son who rinses his own dishes and puts them in the dishwasher after making dinner for himself. 

A mom who loves to see him so dang handsome in his brother's silly hat. 

A son who never, ever questions his intelligence - not even once. 

A mom who can't wait to talk with her son each evening. Even though I hear him cranking the music from his room while I study everyday, at least until he moves to the dorms at the U.

A son who won a partial scholarship award for his work in Digital Media class this semester.

A mom who thanks her son profusely for being so determined to be independent. 

A son who smiles. A little.

A mom who loves him. A lot.

A couple of little brothers who can't get enough of his teasing.  

This is where I belong. I love to feel and identify with the stage of life that I am in; I feel powerful when I recognize it and notice the good in every-single-day. When my boys were little, it was them drawing me pictures that I hung on the fridge and walls. I try not to remember the times when I was married, me laying in bed feeling rejected with a sting in my heart and painful feelings that no one knew about. Thinking and praying with all my might to see my worth and love myself, exactly as I was.        

Where do "U" belong today?

Beautiful Laughter

When my sisters and I need to know how much our Mom loves us:  

* You are my sunshine.

* You make my life worth living.

* I love spending time with you.

* Seeing your face makes me happy.

When we need to know she is ALL there: 

* I’m listening.

* My time is all yours.

* My inbox will never be empty. 

When we are stressed or frustrated: 

* What day is your graduation? I want to put it on my calendar, I don't want to miss it. 

* Just do it. You don’t have to be perfect.

* I think you are doing too much.

* I am so proud of you.

When we experience failure: 

* Be kind to yourself. You are doing the best you can.

* Mistakes mean you are human.

* It may not be easy, but it will be worth it.

* I love you.

When we face a challenge: 

* I am amazed at how much you are handling right now.

* Life is hard, and then you die. Lol

* This isn’t the end of the world.

* You are not alone.

Your Eyes They Shine So Bright

{Your eyes they shine so bright}

{I want to save that light}

Recently one night when we were having our jump at Get Air, as I listened to his deep thoughts and marveled at the beauty of his face in the darkened room, a heart wrenching thought struck me like a punch in the stomach. Why must a trip to the ER provide the inspiration to write him a love note? Why must the fear of never being able to talk to my son be the reason I tell my child exactly what it is that I love about him?

As I was about to leave his room after Get Air I called out one more time, “I love you,” just as I do every night.

But I wanted to tell him more. He needed to know more. He deserved to know more. And not because I am leaving. Please Heavenly Father, not because he is leaving anytime soon. Just because I love him, and he needs to know exactly how much.

So I sat down and wrote these words.

To my dearest Son,

I love your kind, compassionate heart.

I love that you are kindhearted and sensitive, and you cry when your heart hurts.

I love that you don’t stay sad for long, but instead try to figure out how to make something. Like the wooden box you spent so many hours making for me in wood shop. If I had to run out of our home in a fire it is the one thing I would grab. 

I love that you cry for others who are hurt and try to figure out how you can make them feel better.

I love that you think deeply about things in life, and that you ask me questions and listen intently to the answers.

I love to watch you skate. It amazes me at how far you have come at hockey. I love that you never gave up on something that was difficult.

I love your kindness and the notes you leave for me.

I love how you teach your little brother so many things. You are so patient and loving with him.

I love how you are so outgoing and making friends for yourself and with your brothers.

I love how you think about God and how you try to use your God-given talents to help others.

I love how you support my dreams of being a Nurse.

I love how you are such a great assistant anytime I teach children at church, the rink or Boy Scouts.

I love it when you laugh so hard that you get tears in your eyes.

I love it when you think about your dad when he is at work and appreciate what a great dad he is.

I was about to conclude my love note to my son when I thought of how our family was ripped apart by my inability to say, “I’m sorry” and “I was wrong.”  These are words I now make a point of saying to my loved ones.  I have learned that words said in an unkind manner, even if they are accurate, are hurtful and warrant an apology. I decided this love note was the perfect opportunity to say, “I am sorry” and admit my mistakes because I am certain that I don’t do it often enough. The words “I am sorry” are beautifully healing. My son needed to hear them. He deserved to hear them. My love note continued:

I am sorry I don’t always take time to tell you these things that I love about you.

I am sorry when I do not make time to celebrate the million things you do right. 

I am sorry sometimes I lose my patience over things that are meaningless and unimportant.

I will try my best to do better on these things that I am sorry about and that hurt your feelings. Thank you for loving me even though I make mistakes. Thank you for  forgiving me. 

I hope you know that being a good mom to you is my most important job, and I am thankful every single day that Heavenly Father blessed me with the job of loving you and raising you. 

I am so proud that you are my son. Nothing makes me happier than to look at you, talk to you, and listen to you. You are the greatest gift my heart has ever known. 

Once I completed the letter, I printed it out and tucked it under my pillow. I wanted to share it during Mom's day's  breakfast in bed that he woke up early to prepare so he could have it ready for me before church at 9:00. 

I started by telling him that I had written him a note and wanted to give it to him. He smiled and quickly stood up as if he didn’t want to be embarrassed.

He started by reading all the things I love about him. While I opened the gift he and Markus went to store to buy, with their own money from mowing lawns. I was surprised to find a FitBit all lovingly wrapped up in a beautiful bag. 

His face immediately shined. The way he smiled reminded me of when he holds my older son’s excessively cuddly cat.  In his eyes, I saw tenderness and love; I saw growing self-confidence and pride; I saw happiness that only true connection with another living being can bring.

While I ate the eggs and toast and strawberries that Markus helped him to make - he got to the apology section, and immediately dropped his head. His hair hung forward, and I could not see his face. Although apologies are often uncomfortable for the giver, it appeared that being on the receiving end was difficult for him. That made me realize that I don’t apologize often enough.  He continued reading although it was difficult for both of us.

When he came to the conclusion of my note, his head popped back up and his beautiful smile returned in full force.

I waited to see how he would respond. I could tell he was thinking. But instead of saying any words, he simply leaned over and hugged me.

For some reason, when I wrapped my arms around him, they felt lighter.  A weight that I hadn’t realized was there had been lifted.

Tonight not only does he know I love him, but he knows every single reason why.

And that, my friend, makes for an incredibly soft place to lay your head.

When is the last time you told your child or loved one what you love about him or her? Grab a piece of paper. Make a list; it doesn’t have to be fancy. Just say what’s in your heart today. Tomorrow has no guarantees.

Sweet As Sugar

I lived today...

As if I'd deliberately come back to this one day, 

To enjoy it, 

As if it were the full, final day of my extraordinary, ordinary life. 

The Hands of Healing

May the work of your hands bring healing to all the people you touch. May the one who formed these hands guide them to bring the touch of Life and bless them to be instruments of Healing. 

In honor of National Nurses Week, the spiritual care team offered this blessing on the hands of all nurses and staff working today at the hospital. Free lunch and ice cream are also being provided.  

http://youtu.be/0put0_a--Ng

A Walk In The Park

Today I took my last final for this semester - my pharmocology 2 final, with the same professor that I loved from OB-Maternity. As sad as I am to see these classes end, I am SO, SO happy to know that it is because I am that much closer to being a RN. And I have been walking in the park. Yes, walking!  In the lovely park! With the blossoms and the lake and ducks and lovers walking hand and hand and children playing in the puddles....all when I should be a crazy study-a-holic studying at my desk like everybody else.   But I have made sure these past few days to jail break outta there once or twice a day and walk my legs 'til I can feel those muscles burn!  It has been exhilarating!!! I can't even tell you the high that I feel. I have such a love of exercise.  It can do the mind and heart wonders in just 1 day!  I just need to break the tiniest sweat and take off my jacket.  BB: Don't ever forget this!!!!  I'm glad to be reminded of this cause it has just been one long semester and I've been glued to those books and, not feeling so fun or lively or creative some days. But now, I sneak out every chance I get.  Somehow all that sunshine and air is making me feel smart, happy, alive, healthy, calm, funny, confident, desirable, resilient & grateful! Yes, it's true!   Overall, very best thing for me. :) :) And---biggest bonus.... It helps me to feel aligned with God.  Amazing how this works.  

Luckily I'm ok with getting a 96.4% on my final!!!!

My life is so good!  And spring is lovely. 

A-

A- for Community Health Nursing? I'll take it! Two finals down...1 more to go. Happy Cinco De Mayo! 

http://youtu.be/u3hDQZ21AQQ

[You're Missing Out]

2 new pictures for you + 98% for me on Med/Surg 2 final!