Merriest Christmas

From our family to yours...

Life and Times

When I was expecting Max I hoped he would have so many characteristics. I saved the list I wrote in his baby book and it begins: He’d have a good heart, would never give up, would be funny, honest, and athletic, forgiving, musical, and that once, he’d score the game winning goal.

He has a sweet heart and has found a sweet girl to share it with, Kyla. They went with a whole group of friends to see the lights at Temple Square last night and then came back to our house after for hot chocolate and watched a movie until way too late! :) As a result he woke up late for his hockey game this morning. 

He has a persistence in whatever he sets his mind to, and I love his witty sense of humor. He's obviously athletic and would play every sport if I had time to take him. He's forgiven me for so many of the mistakes I've made in being his mom and if I could change some things I would make different mistakes. 

He had a drum solo in the band concert at school on Tuesday night and I could see the smile on his face while he was playing. 

He had the game winning assist today.  

So Max when that little voice says, “You might as well give up,” Remember all the times I believed, encouraged, supported, and all the times I rose to my feet and cheered with tears in my eyes so you could overcome all the trials that have come your way. When that little voice says, “No one needs you,” remember this: Someone does.

Someone counts on me to be there when he wakes up,
When he goes to sleep,
When he is scared,
When he is happy,
When he is sad.

My boys can count on me to be there.

Not perfect.
Not yell-free.
Not toned, fit, and styled.

To be there.

Not always calm.
Not always smiling.
Not always pretty.

Trying and sometimes failing, but getting back up and trying again, hoping to do a little better than the day before. I round up all the strength I have in my weary soul and say these three words loud and clear, at least once a day:

I am here. 

Someone is counting on me to be here, and I am.

I am.

And today, that is enough.

The First Day

"I remember what you wore on the first day. You came into my life and I thought, "Hey, you know, this could be something." - Martin Johnson

I grew up seeing handwritten notes of love. My mom worked long hours teaching us and  she often wrote small, square papers on the bed for my sister, Sheri, and me to find. Sometimes it was just a smiley face, other times she simply wrote the words “love you” in her beautiful cursive, but it was more than enough. Starting in 1980, I started writing notes to my grandma who lived in Portland.  What I loved the most is that Grandma Jo always wrote back. The excitement I felt when I looked in the mailbox and saw a letter in my grandma’s shaky writing never disappeared. Even in college when there were tests to study for and work, I took time to sit on my floor and read my grandma’s letters the moment they arrived. By studying her handwriting, I could almost tell how she’d been feeling that day. In the end, her manuscript became barely legible. Those notes are now treasures.

The words "I Love You" from my mom, written in her signature beautiful cursive, birthday cards containing funny memories, and thank you cards from my friends, students and church members written by hand, and ticket stubs to games I want to remember are all important things I can't bare to throw away.

But I have to tell you, my greatest notes have come from my youngest son, Markus. Around the time I knew I was falling, my son was learning to write words. As I took the steps to be more present, he began writing me love notes. The timing on these couldn't have been coincidental, these powerful visuals fueled my efforts to take a step back.

It's been six years since I went to the game where Markus and I danced to the Macarena like no one was watching. But I still have the ticket, and the notes of love that he has written to me. I keep them here and there around my house. Now they are not so much for encouragement as they are reminders- reminders that time is fleeting.

Because the backward letters have disappeared. The floating letters have been grounded on stable lines. The phonetic spelling has become traditional and the letters are no longer gigantic, but small and neat. But the love, the love is still there.

Throw out some love -- it has a way of coming back to you. As you know I am a lover of words. So Markus inspired me to take 30 seconds on a busy morning to tuck a colorful post-it note inside a guitar case, on a pillow, next to a breakfast burrito, or in a coat pocket on a wintry day. All I have to do is imagine the smile on the face of the one who discovers it and I feel good too.

Notes

They have a way of creating connection despite the busyness of life. What calms a boy's school day fears can be found in the smiley face above the letter "i" or in the curve of an imperfect heart. What creates hope in the heart of a weary mom can be scrawled in all caps on a paper in a neon-colored sharpie and left on the counter. What makes a friend feel beautiful can be a bouquet of flowers with a note of encouragement. What brings my distracted mind back home can be a stick-figure family drawn beneath a giant yellow sun.

What I believe in and I loved can be seen in my handwriting 50 years from now, even after I'm gone. What really matters most in life is at our fingertips. So grab a pen and anything you can find to write on, my friend. Throw out a note. Watch love multiply.

And it may come back to you when you least expect it, but need it the most.

*****

 

Enough

I could never express enough gratitude to you for being my faithful friend and constant source of inspiration on this journey called life. Happy Thanksgiving! I am thankful every day for you.

Sisters 🎉 Friends

46

My sister walked into the café like she owned the place. It was the usual dinner crowd—a mix of salad and pizza, birthday and pleasure, plus the three of us. He carried his hockey stick back to the car and climbed in to the car, in the hopes of skipping the party altogether. He finished half a pepperoni and cheese pizza and downed about the same amount of milk. When our table became the loudest, Max and I agreed it was time to leave. I carried the bill over to the cashier near the counter, he ran to the car, past the woman slicing a loaf of bread on our way out. I caught him just in time, right before he planned to take full rein of the ride to hockey.

http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=x4k9ODlsNYI

High Hopes

{Eagles coaches and Max}

After going through these two years, I can say that one of the most powerful things in this world is hope!  It can truly fuel anything.
Hope can even make a divorce joyful.  During the first year, I felt that.  I had hope.  It truly did carry me. During this second one, I have had very little hope.  I guess because I have felt overdue in putting my hope into my next chapter.  I am grateful for this experience as it has let me know that it truly is time to move on.  I want to cultivate the hope that I can still truly have a meaningful life and make a difference in this world, even though my life has and will continue on in a very different way than I had hoped.  I have the hope that I can once again feel in harmony with my life, as I have for the last many, many years, even without a husband.
Max had hope that he would make the Eagles team when he tried out in early April. And as it turned out, he is enjoying the process of learning to play as a "AA" team hockey player. With a win last night and a loss tonight, he never knows what to expect. He has hope that he might tryout for a "AAA" team in Colorado next year.  
I do not yet know if I will finish nursing school.  

• If I do, (test scores this week = 80.1%) I will have hope that I can embrace that experience with all my heart.  
• If I do not, (test scores last week = 67.3%) I will try with all my heart to have hope for a new life, whatever that may be. 

May you have hope for your life...may it consume you and carry you and help you thrive and live. May it bring you closer to living a meaningful life, whatever that might look like for you.
I have hope for you, whatever is on the horizon.
Yours, 
B

There's Always A Reason To Smile

Find it. 

Who let the Dawgs out?

Max got his jersey two weeks ago at one of the practices at the Oval. He is loving the extra ice time. 

While Markus and I are loving the family pass to skate around while Max is at his practices. At $11.00 a month it's the coolest deal in town! I'm so glad we are finally getting the chance to skate out there. I've been wanting to for years, just never made it happen before I guess. My how everything has changed. 

 

Zumba?

Rain paused on the windowpanes. Came on the wind then stayed put as if each drop had nowhere in particular to be. Warmed oatmeal. Still sick, I danced around on the floor, and wore myself out just as fast. Another request for photos, strawberries, shower. I could feel the rumble in my stomach, the low pains of flu. Not much of a fall break. It’ll get better though, I reassured myself.

All We Have

Today—that’s where it’s at, my friend.

Today is all we really have for sure.

So I am SO glad today was a day I can look back on, in joy, and say today was not perfect, but it was memorable. Why? Because I encouraged. I smiled. I listened. I apologized. I waited. I cared. I tried. But above all, I loved … oh how I loved … and I HOPE my boys felt it from the top of their heads to the depths of their soul.

And when I wake up tomorrow and feel the pressure of future events, I will remember I am simply going to do what I can today. Today is doable. It’s manageable. It’s standing right in front of me requiring no plan whatsoever. Today is just waiting to be lived.

{Monster High girls I taught for tonight's Halloween Show}

"It's a Great Day For Hockey"

Aspen, Colorado 

Very Cool

Monsters have been pulling on my nerves, lightening flashes disrupting my sleep and trying my patience. So many memories I thought long buried have been hauled to the surface - jagged creatures all of them - and I'm at a loss as to why they've suddenly taken to stalking me.

As much as I often want it, I can't ignore the fact that Ben gave me my sons. There was love when we created them, and while that love changed in the end, what we created together then is blooming, cascading, sparkling and bewildering every day of my life in the forms of my sons.

Ben didn't fight me for my sons either. It was clear from the very first discussion we had about what my decision to end our marriage actually meant in reality, the boys were his focus. I have some very cool photos Max's coach took of the hockey tourney in Vegas of the boys on his team, and I still can't believe that they are there without me. I miss my boys so much and I just talked to them on the phone and they sounded like they were having a great time.  

“Missing someone, they say, is self-centered. I self-center you more than ever.” 

I want to see the photos, at least I get a glimpse and they are wonderful pictures, and the boys are playing great. I know the grief it makes to not share them. I still find it galling, to deliberately be generous to a devoted Ironman, to ignore the hurts and do the 'right' thing. I don't want to share the majesty and brilliance of my sons with people who don't care about them. I just don't. I want to be jealous, keep them close by me, carefully shared with those who will appreciate them for who they are, who love them enough to rouse on them, mock them, encourage and look forward for them.

I guess I have to get over myself enough - my scars and pains from past experiences - and give the gift of my sons to their (in so many ways distant) father. Even if the man has no idea what he is getting, or - even worse - what he is missing out on.

So.... It now looks like tomorrow after Max plays in the championship game and I work all day and my boys ride home they will be writing a thank you to Dad, enclosing their current school photos, and then maybe a mental palate cleansing Nerf war and Slurpee. Gosh, I am so tired of trying to be better than I am.

All this over seeing two photos. Which kind of explains why, elsewhere in my head, I had actively ignored a task now one year and counting put off, and continued to carefully avoid taking down the photos I had hanging on the walls in my home staring at me, waiting.

Waiting for me to be brave. Waiting for me to tie on some big boots and go monster stomping. Waiting for me to take a deep breath, a calm afternoon and evening last month, and sink into the deep, ancient, beautiful waters of memory, tiny babies and unbroken promises. Waiting for me to slay the last of the monsters, or maybe face them (warts, fire-breathing, knashing their terrible teeth and all), see them captured in sticky, shiny, matte-finished snapshots, and clear out the cluttered dense corners for better, brighter memories both past and to come.

Celebrate Today

I love the weather, what a way to make the day a perfect 10! Darlin sent me this text this morning...

Here's wishing you a smooth journey. :) 

Birthday Party

My brother's birthday party was scheduled for tonight but instead I went to Max's hockey game vs. The Regulators. I had so much fun watching Max play and I'm kind of sad that I won't be going to Vegas with him tomorrow. He is looking forward to playing some fun hockey games. Eagles, eagles, fight fight fight! 

Max said after the game that it felt weird to be playing defense again and that he kind of liked it. I guess so - he helped his team keep the Regs to one goal and the Eagles scored nine. Way to go Bucky! 

I (❤️) This Time of Year

^*^*^*^*^

http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=LmXaaEvnnOQ&desktop_uri=%2Fwatch%3Fv%3DLmXaaEvnnOQ

Heart shaped puddle from our walk around Silver Lake on Monday. Markus noticed it. He is my noticer. 

Some Answers

Pharm 1250 Answers to “Practice Math Questions”
1. 17.5 mg
2. 15 mL per dose, 105 mL for seven days
3. 42 tabs
4. 0.4 mL
5. 82.72 mg
6. 1.25 mg
7. A.  40 doses  B. 2.5 mL per dose  C. 100 mL dispensed
8. 0.25 mL
9. 0.4 mL
10. 12.5 mg
11. 12.72 mg
12. 30 mg
13. 465 mg overdose
14. 2 tsp
15. 49 capsules
16. 7.5 mL
17. 2.048
18. A.  0.028, 2.8%
B.  0.428, 42%
C.  0.004, 0.4%
D.  0.0025, 0.25%
19. 0.4 mL
20. 0.03 mg

I was at work all day today and it was so busy I didn't have time to study. I am going to study tomorrow in between conference. Units 5 & 6 are going to be on peripheral nervous system drugs and drugs affecting the respiratory system. 

Practice Math Questions

Some practice math questions from my math test in Pharmocology last Friday. I will post the answers tomorrow so you can test yourself. :) I also had a test today on Units 3 & 4. I will not be studying just off the notes from the lectures anymore. It was way too hard to know all the answers to the questions that way, I think the text helps me to understand the concepts better and then I can make my own logical deductions from there rather than trying to memorize all the different drugs and their sub classes and functions. I still got a B but hey, who wouldn't rather get an A? lol

1. The initial dose of a drug is 0.25 mg/kg of body weight. How many milligrams should be prescribed for a person weighing 154 lb.?

2. The dose of a drug is 50 mg/kg of body weight once daily for seven consecutive days. How many milliliters of a syrup containing 500 mg of drug per teaspoonful, should be prescribed for a child weighing 66 lb.?

3. A physician prescribed 5 mg of a drug per kilogram of body weight once daily for a patient weighing 132 lb. How many 100 mg tablets of the drug are required for a dosage regimen of  2 weeks?

4. A medication order calls for 0.2 mg/kg of albuterol sulfate to be administered to a 23 lb. child. The source of the drug is a solution containing 0.5 g of albuterol sulfate in 100 mL. How many milliliters of the solution should be used in filling the order?

5. If the recommended dose of gentamicin sulfate for a patient with normal kidney function is 3 mg/kg/day, divided into three equal doses given every 8 hours, how many milligrams should be administered per dose to a patient weighing 182 lb.?

6. Rimantadine (anti-viral) HCL syrup contains 120 mg of rimantadine HCL in each 240 mL of syrup. How many milligrams of rimantadine HCL would there be in 2.5 mL delivered by oral dispenser?

7. Ciprofloxacin (Cipro) oral suspension contains 250 mg of ciprofloxacin per 5 mL. A physician prescribed 125 mg of ciprofloxacin q.i.d. x 10 days.
a. How many doses are needed?
b. How many milliliters should be given per dose?
c. How many milliliters of ciprofloxacin oral suspension containing 250 mg per 5 mL should be dispensed?

8. How many milliliters of an injection containing 20 mg of gentamicin in each 2 mL should be used in filling a medication order calling for 2.5 mg of gentamicin to be administered intramuscularly?

9. Pediatric Lanoxin injection contains digoxin, 100 mcg/mL. What volume must be administered to provide a dose of 0.04 mg?

10. The dose of a drug is 500 mcg/kg of body weight. How many milligrams should be given to a child weighing 55 lb.?

11. The dose of gentamicin for premature and full-term neonates is 2.5 mg/kg administered every 12 hours. What would be the daily dose for a newborn weighing 5.6 lb.?

12. The dose of gentamicin for patients with impaired renal function  is adjusted to ensure therapeutically optimal dosage. If the normal daily dose of the drug for adults is 3 mg/kg/day, administered in three divided doses, what would be the single (8-hour) dose for a patient weighing 165 lb. and scheduled to receive only 40% of the usual dose, based on renal impairment?

13. A patient weighing 120 lb. was administered 2.1 g of a drug which was supposed to be dosed at 30 mg/kg. Was the dose administered correct, or was it an overdose, or was it an underdose?

14. The adult dose of a liquid medication is 0.1 mL/kg of body weight to be administered as a single dose. How many teaspoonfuls should be administered to a person weighing 220 lb.?

15. How many erythromycin capsules, each containing 250 mg of erythromycin, are needed to provide 25 mg/kg per day for 1 week for a person weighing 154 lb.?

16. A 25 lb. child is to receive 4 mg of phenytoin (Dilantin) per kilogram of body weight daily as an anticonvulsant. How many milliliters of pediatric phenytoin suspension containing 30 mg per 5 mL should the child receive?

17. Write the following as decimals and add:

a. 2/1000
b. 75/100
c. 3/20
d. 5/8
e. 13/25

18. Give the decimal and percent equivalents for each of the following common fractions:
a. 1/35
b. 3/7
c. 1/250
d. 1/400

19. If an insulin injection contains 100 units of insulin in each milliliter, how many milliliters should be injected to receive 40 units of insulin?

20. Digoxin pediatric elixir contains 0.05 mg of digoxin in each milliliter of elixir. How many milligrams of digoxin would be administered with a dose of 0.6 mL?

Practice questions taken from:
Pharmaceutical Calculations 12th Edition
Howard C. Ansel, Mitchell J. Stoklosa

New Net

As per his coaches instructions...

Max is taking on the 5,000 wrist shot challenge again that he started last winter. He started out doing 162 shots a day and was on track to finish by January 1st before he missed a few days and didn't finish. So now he has restarted thanks to his coaches telling him what he needs to work on...shooting in the garage, basement, wherever! 

He took it to heart and this is what he had set up after school. 

He said that his net is too small though so I'm on the lookout for a regulation size net. The new one is different he told me, watching the first game of the NHL season Tuesday night. He is fired up! 

Like a Lightning Bolt

Markus came out for his first Lightning game of the season as just that. A streak of light. He was voted captain again this year and was pretty excited to have Cole and Cutter as his assistants. 

In their first game of the season Markus played defense against the Regulators. Even though they won, 4-0 he still only let one goal in all game and I loved watching him play. Max told him after that he isn't aggressive enough, to which he promptly tackled Max to the ground. Lol

Coach Greg (r) will help them get better all year, I believe and Tony (l) will help as well. 

Daily Inspiration

http://vimeo.com/68901496

Inspiring video from one of the directors at work. One of the many reasons I love what I do. 

http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=S_0yjZEUbdg

Armed and Dangerous

Max played a game with the Eagles last night versus his own JV team. It was fun to watch him play versus his teammates, if not a little bit confusing. 

My parents came all the way down to watch it and afterwards Cole told me that he had protected himself versus some robbers that broke in to my parents house last week to find Cole standing ready with a shotgun! Lol

Goin' Home

The only way to take sorrow out of death is to take love out of life.

That's the quote Craig's friend Dr. Barton gave today at his funeral from a talk on death by Elder Nelson. He also said that he was going to miss having this picture pop up on his phone whenever Craig would call. He also said that Craig was his best friend. As did the next speaker and the next. Craig had that way of making everyone he was with feel important. 

Craig's children all stood together at the pulpit and took turns speaking about their favorite memories of their dad. As they stood there holding hands and hugging each other I thought about how much Craig would have loved to see them and probably would have been taking a photo of them together. 

When a member of our stake presidency stood to speak, the funeral was going on three hours long. President Johnson kept his remarks short and said that Craig had taught him so many things but the one he wanted to speak about was when Craig had been working on one of his cars, he said, "Steve-o, you worry about getting yourself from point a to point b a lot, I want you to consider who you are along the way." And he left him at that. 

His wife Tina has so much to miss. 

Own The Moment

No goal is ever scored unassisted.

Max had a great one tonight in his high school game vs. Uintah. His first JV game of the season at the Maverick center. He helped his team to a 2-0 victory. 

{After the game with coaches Jay, Jeff and Russ.}
 (And a little photo bomber named Sheilds. Lol)

He Lived To Inspire

The bicyclist killed on Sunday in a crash with a minivan in Sandy was a well-known Utah competitive road racer, neighbor and friend.

Craig, was riding southbound on 700 East at 8:11 p.m. Sunday when the minivan made a left turn in front of him at 8275 South, according to Sandy police Sgt. Jon Arnold. His wife Tina and I were in the primary presidency together when Morgen was little. When I talked to her on Tuesday morning, she said that the officer told her he died at the scene of the accident from massive head and face injuries. She said that he had been helping the missionaries change their tires and had decided to hop on his bike and go for a short ride before it got dark. 

{Craig's son Teal (on left) and Craig (right of Ben) riding the same red and white Specialized bike that he died riding this weekend.}

For the last several years, Craig has enjoyed cycling with his youngest son Teal, logging miles together and supporting him through each of his races, loving every minute of this sport. He tried to make time each day for riding because the benefits were so great for his overall health. Cycling enabled him to accomplish many of the goals he had set for himself. He truly loved being in the saddle. About seven years ago he would often ride with Teal, Ben, me, and Dr. Barton. On one of his first times out on his bike, he and Jeff Barton collided and Craig spent a few days in the hospital with a collapsed lung. He was influential in getting Dr. Barton's daughter, Brynn, in to riding and she had just started riding when she was hit and killed by a car in June of 2011. This photo was taken at the benefit ride held in her honor at Liberty Park.

Craig was a great "people person," it was such a natural gift of his – he was so compassionate and caring. He truly wanted to lift others' burdens and help carry them to make life a bit easier for everyone he knew. He was generous, selfless, accommodating, and genuine. Someone once said "He is a true Renaissance Man" – he knew so much about everything and was talented enough to do anything. I spent a few days at our Stake Youth Conference with him as a leader of the Book of Mormon themed production, dressed in Lamanite wear. I can't believe he is gone. He will be missed by everyone who knew him. While Tina and I were crying through my box of kleenex in her driveway after she had run outside in her pajamas to take out the trash (she had heard the garbage truck from the couch that she had fallen asleep on) she told me that she had never taken the trash out a day in her life, Craig had always done it. As I stood there in my night gown, with her holding a handful of weeds and the morning paper, she couldn't stop shaking as she told me through tears that Craig's patriarchal blessing had said he would serve missions. I couldn't help but think that he has served so many people in so many ways.   

Loving, handsome husband, devoted dad, and precious Pop-C, Craig Kerry Buchi passed away Sunday evening, September 22, 2013 at the young age of 58 from injuries sustained in a cycling accident. 

Craig was born August 25, 1955 in Salt Lake City, Utah to Marjorie Wignall Buchi and Keith Walter Buchi, the third of four children. He grew up with a wonderful childhood friends, enjoying all athletic pursuits, graduating from Granite High School in 1973. Craig earned a full-ride football scholarship to the University of Utah where he was the punter and place kicker, and graduated with a degree in Psychology.

It was in Sociology 101 on the first day of school that Craig asked his good friend to introduce him to the girl sitting in front of him. This started their year-and-a-half long courtship and he married Tina Lee Waldram on February 20, 1976 in the Salt Lake Temple for time and all eternity. They are the parents to four of the most wonderful children ever. Craig absolutely devoted his life to his wife and children, providing for their every need and giving to them every ounce of his time. His family was the true joy of his life and his number one priority. Nothing gave him more satisfaction than spoiling and serving them. More than anything else, Craig's greatest source of happiness and pride were his kids and grand kids. He couldn't help but brag and his face would light up when he would talk about them.

Craig is so loved and will be missed by his adoring wife and eternal companion Tina and their very grateful children, Jett (Robyn) and their three children, Riley (9), Shelby (7), and Traden (4); Hailey Buchi Slaugh (Steven) and their three children, Hudson (7), Oliver (6), and Penelope (2); Chelsea Buchi Thackeray (John) and their two children, Gretel (4) and Atticus (17 months); Teal Buchi and fiancé Carly. Hailey and her husband Steve babysat Morgen and Max for me while Ben and I went to Europe for 15 days in 2002. Hailey was Morgen's primary teacher and loved him so much she would always come by to bring him surprises. She was not able to have children for a long time and I think Morgen was like her little son before she adopted Hudson. And then a month later miraculously got pregnant with Oliver. Teal and Morgen were friends from church as well and Hailey used to cut my hair and was the first one to cut Max's curls off, before she had her babies to take care of. Chelsea did my nails a few times before she moved to California. They are the most loving and kind family and I know it was because of Craig's example. They are all devastated. My heart aches for them, I know how much he meant to them. He was everything. I could tell from the countless times that they had my family over for dinner, whether he was in the kitchen preparing the broccoli cheese sauce or at the barbeque with his apron making a perfect pork tenderloin, his family counted on him for every aspect of their life. He was their super griller and chef and loved waiting on them hand and foot. He was always busy with projects and happily working and serving everyone.    

He enjoyed family time together at their Bear Lake cabin - boating, riding motorcycles, golfing, and sitting around the campfire. His home in Midway was another haven he thoroughly enjoyed. He loved to ride the scooters with the grand kids, take them swimming and sledding, watch fireworks on the patio while eating s'mores, and taking the T-Bird for a spin.

Craig was an active member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, serving valiantly in many callings throughout his life – one of his favorites was being in the nursery with the "kiddies." That is where he served eleven years ago, when Max was lucky enough to be in his nursery. He also loved scouting with his boys. Every Halloween he would set up a huge spread in his garage and make homemade root beer and scones for the neighbors to stop by on their way to trick or treat. It was one of Max's favorite things to do.  

Craig has been very successful in owning and operating Craig's Service Center across from East High, the business he bought from his dad in 1983, serving generations of loyal neighborhood families. He fixed my Land Rover I don't know how many times. Tina told me that his great customers had been stopping by the store all Monday to ask if it was "This Craig", and when she called Craig's dedicated employees that morning to tell them, one of them had been wondering why the doors weren't open at 7:30 a.m. like they always had been for the past thirty years. And another one was driving when she called him and he said he couldn't breathe and needed to pull over.

Craig is preceded in death by his parents and by Tina's parents, whom he helped lovingly care for every single day, by his sister Jodi, brother Brad, maternal and paternal grandparents, and niece Whitney.

Tina also told me about all the people who stopped at the scene of the accident who offered kindness compassion, caring, and help, that they put a blanket over him until the ambulance arrived. The Sandy City and Bountiful Police Departments for their diligence in contacting Tina as she was in California for Chelsea's birthday and no one was at the house when the officers arrived. The officers tracked down his brother who lived in Bountiful through the obituaries of his niece who recently passed away. They sent an officer to his house and his wife Denise called Tina at 12:30 a.m she said when she saw the number that she knew something was wrong as she had been trying to get a hold of Craig all night. She said that her sister-in-law could not talk as she was hysterical so she handed the phone to the officer. When Tina heard him say that Craig was dead, she dropped to her knees. She called for Chelsea and Hailey and they knelt together in prayer. They instantly felt at peace and they knew that Craig was with them. She said the veil was so thin. As she was telling me that she felt him with her still, like he is "right there" and was going to miss him so when he has to leave, the sun came out form behind a cloud and I felt a warmth like he was right there standing behind us. She also told me that the last time she saw him was on saturday before he gave her a ride to the airport. He had stopped by her work to have lunch with her and she had told him about a cyclist from San Mateo, that had been hit by a car and killed on a rural road in California. She thought it was so ironic that was the last conversation they had in this life.    

Also, while I was talking with her in her driveway three ward members, neighbors, and dear friends came by to offer food for breakfast, the scouts had tied blue and yellow ribbons to all the trees lining their street and even the UPS driver who was delivering a package stopped to offer his love and support.

I will miss Craig – he was truly "one of a kind."

Healing For Life

When I came in to work today this was on the board:

Irene, Jean and Marcia are three of the kindest women I've ever met. I have said many times that working at the hospital feels like working at the temple and it is seriously because of people like these. I feel so grateful for their examples in my life, they live the healing commitments. Since it was the night charge nurse Jonathan who left this note for us, we decided to get together and take a picture to post on his locker and computer. When he came in for the night shift this is what he found: 

{Irene, Jean, Marcia and B} 

The commitments we aspire to provide to those we serve:

• I help you feel safe, welcome, and at ease.
• I listen to you with sensitivity and respond to your needs.
• I treat you with respect and compassion.
• I keep you informed and involved.
• I ensure our team works with you.
• I take responsibility to help solve problems.

One Fine Day

Say do you remember? 

The 21st day of September...

These fall days are beautiful.

* * * * 

 Not a day goes by that I am not thankful for what I have. I love being a mother.

The joy it brings to me is indescribable.

I love teaching my little boys about their worth and amazing God given gifts.

These boys and I truly have been given so much and I feel so thankful today.

I love to see them develop those talents and show gratitude for what they have.

Skating with {HEART}

I coached my student yesterday at the Oktoberfest competition. My eyes were drawn to a lovely skater-to-be sitting in a chair. The stylist was adjusting the braid and asking questions about its placement.

I couldn't help but notice the anxiety in the young girl’s eyes. Uncertainty gripped her youthful, unlined face. I immediately recognized that pained expression – the one that screamed, “It’s got to be perfect.”

The stylist swiveled the skater around and now all I could see was the back of the girl's head. Her gorgeous waves of dark brown hair were being braided tightly, stifling their lively spirit. The pressure had begun – and it would not stop until perfection was achieved.

I could see decades of pressure ahead.

Suddenly it was no longer a nameless young skater sitting on that stool; it was me, my nineteen-year-old self in nervous preparation for her hair competition day.

I wanted nothing more than to take 1991 B by the hand and guide her away from the disapproving mirror and hair-do vigilante.

I wanted nothing more than to wrap my arms around my young, naive self and whisper words of assurance and love.

A counselor that I went to while I was going through my divorce told me after expressing some much needed comfort, that it was time to get serious. She looked me in the eye and said, “I have something critical to tell you. And it will affect the rest of your life.”

And then she did not stop talking until she said what she needed to say. These were her words:

What I am about to tell you is hard.

I see that you've felt a lot of pressure in your lifetime – pressure to do things at 110 percent performance level, pressure to look and act a certain way, pressure to be all things to all people.

And you THINK that the pressure is coming at you from all directions, but in most cases, it’s not.

That unrelenting pressure is from one place.

It is coming from you.

So in order to spare yourself a lot of stress and pain, I am telling you to take a step back.

Take a step back.

Here’s how she said to do it:

Unite with authenticity. When you choose friends with whom to associate, choose those who are real and allow you to be real. Can you be yourself around this person? Can you reveal your imperfections and remain loved and accepted? If so, friends like those are keepers. Surround yourself with those who lift you up, not those who bring you down.

Choose For Yourself. Refrain from making choices in your life in an effort to please others – your boss, co-workers, family members, and friends. Do what makes YOU happy. Do what makes you feel alive and fulfilled.

Be good to your body. Move your body each day because you can … and that is a gift. Strive to put healthy foods in it, yet don’t deprive yourself of life’s delicious indulgences. Spend time strengthening your mind, soul, and spirit rather than wasting precious time trying to look like a photo shopped image in a magazine.

Measure wisely. Strive for a measurement of success that is not tied to money, status, or appearance. Are you happy? Do you laugh often? Are your boys kind and loving? Have you made a difference in someone’s life? Did you accomplish something you didn’t think you could do? If the answer is “yes” consider this success.

Seek every day miracles. Spot a flower in the crack in the pavement. See messages in the sky. Wonder at the length of a child’s eyelashes. Trace the lines of your lover’s hand. When you focus on life’s simple joys, you connect to something far greater than yourself. This brings life’s petty inconveniences into perspective. Being late for an appointment, having a dress ruined at the dry cleaner, and waiting in line at the post office line suddenly aren't such a “big deal” in contrast to life’s miracle moments.

Let go. You are going to make mistakes – lots of them. Don’t keep reliving mistakes – that is cruel and unnecessary punishment. Learn from them, forgive yourself, and move on.

By now you might be aware that I was questioning her advice to take a step back (I am known to be quite stubborn at times). I argued that I like to please others, that I like to make extreme sacrifices for improvement, and that I like everyone to think everything is fine even when it’s not. And now here I was, four years later, stepping into the rink where my eleven-year-old student sat quietly unsuspecting of what she was about to see.

When she skated, two jaws dropped. After - words of admiration spilled out and embraced her with the kind of unconditional love her mom and dad always bestow on her. And when her mom commented on her skating she said, "I felt you skating from your heart."

And with that wondrous realization, Toni twirled around the room with two of the greatest blessings in life.

As I delighted in this sweet moment when my past merged with my present, words of a counselor came back to me. 

I took a step back. I don't need to prove how strong I still am in a race, or how competitively successful my students have become, or tell anyone the profound impact I have made on the world by engaging in endless volunteer efforts. In fact, I'd much rather do them in secret.

Because I finally “got it.”