Beam

After his first two practices, I took him to eat lunch with me. We sat at the metal table. He gathered three hockey skates today and was putting the tacos back. When he wasn’t looking or trying for that matter, his skates moved quickly across the ice before he picked up a puck then shot it to snipe then celly in the center. His skating was quick and effortless. I made a note to follow his lead.

Out Dream Yourself

I should have seen it coming. The Stanley Cup magically appeared in the living room two days ago after many months in the garage. It’s been the new wake up call since. They lifted the cup together while Max said I have practice at 7 am, Elzy has to have surgery on his hernia. Marko would soon to follow his lead. Umm, what? Forget seven a.m. “Where’d he get a hernia." "From hockey." “Oh, that's too bad.”

Gardening 🌷

The cup of Raspberry Rush tasted sweet. I walked out to the garden to clear my head. The pansies Markus and I planted weeks ago died soon after we tucked them in the ground. A little flurry of snow tailed by a few near freezing nights didn’t help. The roots would have a fighting chance. I looked for green sprouts but didn’t find any sign of the things yet. Grass tufts lined the edge of the garden bed close to the reseeded ground cover that went wild the past two years. The faded silver and yellow pinwheel Marko christened the bed with clicked rhythmically in the stop and go breeze. I imagined the tomato sprouts we started in a container waist high bearing hefty fruit in the coming months. I could hardly wait for summer.

Showers > Flowers

“Hey, what do you think about Marko and I trying out for the Jr. Ducks next month? We could visit Disneyland while we're there and…” “Well the Outliers tryouts are that same weekend and the Jr. Grizz.” I played Modern Nature in the c.d player on our drive to the Parkway last week. Windows down sun angling in, their eyes excited. “Oh, then if we don't make the Ducks we won't have a team to play on. We’ll be teamless.” I looked back in the mirror, his body was slumped against the door.

buddies

Around lunchtime, I walked outside still wearing pajama bottoms and a tee shirt. The cold settled in and caught me this round. The brothers pulled out their iPhones and settled in next to each other last night on the bed. I left my spot and returned with a bowl of noodle soup and crackers. The little one laughed until he had hiccups and sampled a hot pocket before spitting out part of his tooth. He felt the loose edge of his cracked root canaled tooth splay out like a spike; one I would likely schedule an appointment at the dentist for at 2:30 later.

My Love

I used to feed and change babies for fun. I was five and my love for taking care of them was long lived, proven true by the blue and pink blankets I swaddled babies in this afternoon. My grandma kept a play crib and stroller with a gray cushion and creaky pink wheels that once belonged to my Aunt. The crib was stored in the playroom cupboard along with a metal pan set and white teacups and saucer. Something about the wrinkley babies and salmon colored water bottle I drank from this afternoon reminded me of the room that held her childhood things.

Silly Selfies

A storm in the middle of the night woke us all. Wind and rain so close I thought it would split the house in two. It was overcast early on. I watched these two with my camera and shot a ton of photos. The shots were blurry despite my efforts to clean the lens as it sits on my phone. I’d taken them out to eat wings. Later we gathered for Jungle Book, shakes, and hot tamales for the ride to the park.

The Nursery

Hot chocolate and blueberries before work duty began. Assessed both the babies, and mom's, within reach. A rhogam shot given to ward off the B-. Hockey training before he slept on the couch and Max napped in bed. Noodles with sauce, walk down the halls, plant some flowers, Amazing Race: Down to five teams (somehow I think I already know who will win).

Rain

It was light out when the toast popped up. It rained last night. The trail at the river was still a little wet. I buttered two slices for the boys and gave them each a bowl of cereal. Between their conversations, one rollerblading into the other, I overheard on the radio that Prince was found unresponsive in his elevator. It’s so sad! They played a clip of Purple Rain, which I remember seeing him play at the Super Bowl half time show in the rain, at first I cried. I listened to the song again later when Max was in bed and I couldn’t sleep.

A Study In Pastel

They rested on the couch in the evening. “Let’s go outside. We can bike up the mountain and make some jumps. The sun and mountain air will feel good.” “I’ve been waiting and waiting for you to ask.” They gathered shovels and bikes from the garage and headed outside. I grabbed my camera and tagged along. We rode side by side, pulling wheelies and dirt from the road. For a few minutes, he felt just fine.

Simple Abundance

On a Wednesday wading into the end of April, I took monochromatic photos throughout the day, fully by accident. Quite by chance, today’s theme was abundance. Orange tinted sunrise, Zootopia, afternoon nap, watermelon candy. A bit of brown too: buttered popcorn, grilled cheese, pears, and chips. Markus opted out of school all day and we enjoyed the time together.

Grandma's Boys

Country drive through the state. Sky punched clouds and Irish green mountain in silhouette. His reflection in the back window. Dinner at Chipotle. Silver coffin with flowers, I'd wished it was still empty. Warm hugs before sleep. Or not, after all the emotions.

Vignettes

snowflakes lost in the hills, airplane floating over the city like a kite, woman with no hair laying in matching colored coffin (grandma), video of times gone past, red ties beneath three teary-eyed grandsons, 4 year old girl in black dress spinning around on her tip toes, shiny black hearse close to opening in town.

Sunday Our Way

Sunday: Humus and pretzels before work duty ended. Washed down the snack, clocked out, and linens within my mind. A long nap to ward off deprivation before heading to the party. Fruit tray picked up on the way. Hamburgers with guacamole, mountain bike rides, cake with Outliers in chocolate, Amazing Race: Lost in Dubai (lucky for mom and son it was a non illumination round).

Awards Nights

2008

A wreath of tulips we ordered at the florists for the funeral on Tuesday. I sat at the kitchen table while the boys slept. The sun shone although it was a little cold. I finished some last minute thank you notes before the banquet. After Max woke up, I had him sign for his Grizz coaches. I didn't think of getting one for his Murray coaches since I thought some parents that weren't involved would. I snapped a photo of the first awards night Max had for hockey Mites before walking outside. Mostly because he had both the same coaches this year. The one last night, I started thinking about was the assistant coach as I looked at the birds out the window. And the one who was at the banquet tonight, was an assistant instead of head coach, so I looked through the lense and laughed after a quick round of photos. We stopped by a few more places before dinner at the banquet. I passed the movie theater on the way to work afterwards. Disney's The Jungle Book. I made a note to schedule a movie date, soon.

2016

She will be missed...

Something about walking in the misty gray morning reminded me of the time Ma Buck visited. Morgen was seven at the time and we had recently had Markus just a few days before and she had stopped by to hold him and offered to drive Morgen to school and back for me. She wanted to help in anyway she could and she would help a bunch of strangers if she could too. What I knew about her way of living was pieced together from movies I’d seen her watching like Camelot, Sound of Music, and It's a Wonderful Life. By the time she drove Morg to school and back everyday they had talked about his favorite books, Lemony Snicket and the series of unfortunate events, who he sat by at lunch, and shared everything, including our traditional stop at the gas station on the way home (for snacks or chocolate milk). Morgen still has the note she wrote him after she finished the book he loaned her. She would have been 71 today had she endured a few more hours of her cancer pain last night. 

Death and Taxes

{Ma Buck April 15, 1945-April 14, 2016}

"Life is mostly froth and bubble,   Two things stand like stone,KINDNESS in another’s trouble,   COURAGE in your own."

Rebels

Page 104 of 366.

Afternoon rain turned last night’s spring warmth into a blurred memory. The weatherman said it was winter’s last hurrah. I made hot chocolate at work to counter the back to cold outdoors. The beeping call lights and code red hum kept me company while I wrote through the sticking spot in the charting. Of course, I needed a break. I clocked out and noticed the day of the year today was 104 out of 366, still a full 262 blank pages to write with iridescent glitter flaking off the words. I still didn’t know how to keep score so Markus helped me.

Headed Somewhere ❤️

I fried eggs that looked like a heart and toasted English muffins for the bacon. Max and I sat at the counter during breakfast and he talked about his disappointment in not being selected for district camp. We talked about the evaluations and looked at the attributes the coaches placed him higher to each level. His countenance was a little off but he felt fine and left for school. I took the morning for a walk in the spring sunshine, carrying the iPhone. Four jersey's embroidered and I finished my prep for the banquet. I stopped by the bread shop housed inside an old 7-11 and ordered an ice water and cinnamon scone. I fell asleep around lunchtime and the call came from the school’s office about thirty minutes later, Max was tardy this morning, which I already excused and he was on his way home.

+++++

Be Here Now

Yogurt. Work. Hockey. Chic-Fil-A. Amazing Race.

That Smile

Sunday: Hockey. Evaluations from state camp. Outside with the boys all afternoon. More geese eggs. Hike around the yard. Dirt and weeds. More hockey. Salad and sandwiches. Amazing Race on the tv.

Double The Fun

I slipped a slice of bread into the front pocket of my jeans and brought it outside to the geese. They wandered around the yard stopping to pick up grass and sticks. I threw two chunks of bread before the head wriggling and screeching began. I gave up and let Markus watch. We walked around front to the flower garden. The two geese had come in along with the eggs and droppings. We sat with the wind fanning us in the warm spring air. I tore off some bread and handed it to him. He pecked it, spit it out, and looked for more grass in the bed.

You + me = Love

The weather helped the crowds stay away for the opening day. He followed me into the ship and swished the pancho as the wind rose like a hurricane. He swished more pancho after the boat hurried forward. He taking snapchats as the boat went back and forth before he’d had enough. I took his photo then lifted my camera up, wrapped it in a towel. He ran to the hotel with the pancho trailing behind like a cape.

It's Hip To Be Square

Trip Food: Nutella filled donuts, chicken panini, steak and cheese sandwich, NY pizza, rain forest cafe, late brunch at the Marketplace, blueberry, banana apple, breathtaking pancakes, crispy bacon and cold pressed maple butter, hungry???

Under The Sun

Monday: Not much house cleaning done but a pot of soup made. It was 7:25 pm when I finally sat on the porch to write. The boys were wide awake. It was warm enough to wear shorts and tee shirts. I made smoothies for them and watched them play street hockey in the circle. They built an open-air shooting range from plastic boards and sticks. On our drive home from school, Max picked up a new hockey stick and told me a long story about hockey in Canada. We ate dinner together in the kitchen. One of the geese who are living on our street honked in attack. The boys ran over towards me and I went inside for a piece of bread. Of course, this had the geese following us everywhere. It started with juice, missed school, and last minute shift changes, which set the tone for the rest.

Delight In Every Moment

The story began with an invitation casually sent in an email from the league he had played in all year. The president of the league sent it to five players of each team by coaches and other scouts recommendation, accepted the honor from the phone, and said I think I will come after finding out he wouldn't be going to nationals. He laughed. His hand combed through his hair. Heck yeah, what would I have done without it? Certainly, you would have carried on with your hockey likely having not a glimpse of another level of play. I think you’re right. Would you mind standing there just so?

All Nighter

The large snowflakes drifted off. Then there was only flight left through the airport. A cobbled together breakfast: scones, melon, and blueberries nuts. A sip of juice. DELAYED on the screen. The connecting flight missed in the middle.

Dream Big

Record breaking day. The hockey player slept all afternoon so I got to watch the Blackhawks beat the Bruins. I thought about a mix of Canadian and American hockey players. I sorted through photographs from the professional. Then a ringtone from the shower. I listened to the message that our flight was delayed due to the snow storm woke him up and then we dressed to go outside. Markus won his tournament in Park City back at home. Before we were ready, it was time.

Hello there handsome

He leaned his back against the railing before heading under the falls. We sat in the blue ponchos next to the hurricane. We soaked a winter’s worth of water in fifteen minutes. The Maid of the Mist circled us in a loop followed by the canadian boat close behind. The whole afternoon left me wanting to write and take photos.

We're Not Fooling

Gray most of the day. The two of us went for a walk after dinner. Wandered through the state park with the river close behind and Niagara Falls far ahead. Arms entwined, Max and I slid on puddles of mud on the way back. Tufts of green crocus leaves popped around the trail. We made it to the key note speakers a little early and watched ESPN after until I fell asleep. I couldn’t remember the last time I spent a whole night with just him. Max explained the combine concept and players from Canada on his team so I was kept up to speed.