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| Genius indeed. |
Max's girlfriend Preslee is an expert in strategy, having studied psychology in high school and learning a thing or two from her own three(!) vibrant, boisterous siblings. I’d long admired how she manages to set high expectations for Max without constant nagging, bribes or ultimatums, and a few months ago, she spilled her secret…she was visiting my home for dinner and as she was helping to cut the turkey, she called out to her boyfriend: Thank you for washing your hands!
No nagging. No reminders. No request. Just a simple thank you for a task not yet completed. And sure enough, seemingly out of the woodwork, Max headed into the bathroom to wash his hands for dinner.
My eyes widened, and with a smile, she explained why it works:
Assume the best. They’re smart; they know what is expected of them and, if given a bit of freedom, will mostly live up to those expectations. By offering gratitude for a task not yet completed, I’m communicating (a) the expectation, (b) my trust that the expectation will be met, and (c) the person’s reward (i.e., a simple “thank you”) for meeting it.
She added: I don’t like to use the word “Please” unless I’m making a request, and hand-washing is non-negotiable.
Genius, yes?
And so, a small reminder for myself:
Lead with a thank you, not with a please.
A few weeks ago, a girlfriend called while Markus and I were listening to (loud) music.
I’m gonna take this, I said, turning down the volume on the speakers. Thank you for being quiet.
Markus offered a thumb’s up, then went outside to shoot a few pucks.
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