I, of course, said yes. Regardless of what I had planned or how many errands I needed to get done, there will always be time for that later. As I sat at his lunch table eating a cheese bagel with him, I listened to his conversation with his friends. And it amazed me how kind they were to each other and to a little girl with a disability, sitting with them. I know there will be unkind words spoken, some intentional, some not, eventually in his life. With that being said, regardless of where I am or how old I am, I can use their example constantly. It’s up to ME to decide how I will handle each situation.
My personal therapist, aka my Dad, often told me, “No one can MAKE YOU FEEL anything!”
Meaning, if someone “makes” you mad, YOU are making the choice to be mad.
If someone “makes” you feel inadequate, YOU are allowing it.
Or if someone “makes” you feel dumb, YOU doubt yourself.
Hearing this through out my growing up years, I have tried to be responsible for my attitude–to ”OWN” my feelings. I really do believe Eleanor Roosevelt spoke the truth when she said, “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.”
Just as my son is choosing his own attitude, I once thought I couldn't. When I was young, I was under the false impression that all adults were kind/considerate and never had hurt feelings. I was certain that survival of childhood meant I’d live happily every after. I realize now, unkind words or actions sadly don’t end at adulthood. So owning my feelings and choosing no offense, has become a life long lesson. A life long challenge!
When I heard this quote from David A. Bednar, I couldn’t help but remember the lesson my dad tried to teach me. He emphasized that we have a choice when it comes to being offended. He said it is ultimately impossible for another person to offend us.
“Certainly clumsy, embarrassing, unprincipled, and mean spirited things do occur in our interactions with other people that would allow us to take offense. However, it ultimately is impossible for another person to offend you or to offend me. Indeed, believing that another person offended us is fundamentally false. To be offended is a choice we make; it is not a condition inflicted or imposed upon us by someone or something else.”
It’s so easy to harbor hurt feelings and build resentment. Then the instinctive reaction is to project those hurt feelings on another person, because misery loves company. Using them as a learning experience, well that’s a lot harder.
I believe the actions of others can invite feelings of hurt / sadness / or happiness. The thing I have full control over is letting those feelings in and how I handle them. In all practicality though, it’s so much easier said than done, something my 2nd grader seems to have fully mastered.
