Life is a journey...

it certainly is a complicated, ongoing journey.

To make it really good, though, I NEED daily exercise and meditation (for me, yoga-like stretching and breathing), as well as close friends who I can talk really openly with. Really being listened to–by someone who clearly remembers who I really am, and isn’t distracted by whatever I might say, who loves me exactly as I am–is one of the best therapies around.

I also do much better when I’m realistic about what I can do in a given day, when I say “no” and don’t allow a day to become over scheduled, when I’m easy on myself about how much housework and cooking I’ll do. I do better when I set aside time every day, kind of like an appointment with myself, to do things I really enjoy, to rest and relax. (When was the last time you did that?)

Recently I’ve also been reading about noticing, and allowing myself to experience, emotions as they come. So instead of trying to talk myself out of being angry or afraid or sad, I let the feeling wash over me right when it comes (if I can). When I first read about this, I couldn’t imagine what it even meant. But with a little practice, I’m beginning to understand.

For example, a few weeks ago I felt a sudden rush of fear over something. I was in bed. Instead of deep breathing it away, or trying to ignore it, I paid attention to the feeling. I let it wash through me, carry me. It felt like the terror of falling, not fearing the crash at the end, but just falling forever without stopping. It was extremely frightening and overwhelming, almost more than I could take. But then it was over, and I could think clearly again. Turning my mind over to it, I found that, though the situation hadn’t changed and I still felt concerned, I wasn't afraid anymore.

Beginning to learn how to be present in my emotions–so that they don’t become bottled up, saved as future, ongoing anxiety and fear–has been a powerful tool for me. It doesn’t mean I have to do anything about it. I don’t have to DO anything but just notice the feeling and really feel it. This is very new for me–I’m still practicing.

(It occurs to me just now that giving my full attention to positive emotions, letting them wash over me in the same way, is also great.)

I have to give credit to the Lord throughout this journey. Most of these ideas came my way–whether through friends, books, or thoughts–as direct results of prayer. The Lord has been my companion, helping me know what to pray for, putting me in the path of just the right people or information as I need it and am ready for it. Prayer has truly lightened my burdens.

It’s been very slow and step-by-step, with lots of slipping backwards (and I’m sure there will be more of that to come), but I’m at a spot right now where I can look back and see how each piece of the healing puzzle fell into it’s place at just the right time. Writing on this blog has been one of the things that helped get me in that place where I can see more clearly.