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I think I am simply a mom that loves her son. I'll keep fighting for him. I know that I will fight for all three of mine. I don’t remember when my child’s needs became exceptional, as in, an exception to the obligation the school system has to meet his educational needs. I don’t remember the first time other parents showed glaring annoyance at my child’s needs, as if by having his needs met I was asking for their kids’ needs to be ignored, or suggested I was asking too much of the school system. Or that maybe I was just asking too much of my child.
Challenger school was a good thing for my son. Switching over to the public school (Challenger was pre-K) presented challenges, but I met with the school and did all I could do to be sure he was placed where he needed to be. Fortunately, the principal and the teachers wanted him in the right place, too. I’m grateful that I was able to give him the right school option for the foundation of his schooling, and I feel that all children should have the same opportunity. It can be done. We just have to keep trying.
Every parent’s job is to advocate for their child. Gifted, learning disabled, middle of the road, where ever they fall. Period. If that makes me pushy, then make me a name tag and I will wear it with pride. The Lord gave children parents for a reason, and if we don’t advocate for our kids, who will?
I’m in the camp of those who take issue with the label “gifted” for children. All children are gifted in one way or another and all parents (hopefully) find things exceptional about their children. I don’t think we need gifted programs in elementary school. I do think that teachers and parents need to collaborate to design the appropriate curriculum for each student, no matter where they fall on the spectrum and allow each child to be appropriately challenged. This usually takes a large dose of creativity and a TON of time. Teachers and schools cannot do this alone. They simply don’t have the resources alone. Our school offers amazing services that are traditionally absent or cut due to spending cuts because of aggressive fundraising and volunteerism from the parents and community. For those parents who feel like they have children lost on the fringes, I suggest advocating to the other parents and community to make changes, because there are probably major holes for most students. I’m just objecting to the term gifted for these students. As a parent and an educator, it just doesn’t sit right.
I think I can understand this — it can be divisive if not used correctly. As in, “I’m smarter than you are” or “My kids are smarter than yours.” When I talked to the school principal and teachers about this, they were really deliberate about emphasizing that this wasn’t a race, that it wasn’t about being ‘smarter’ or ‘better.’ It was about being able to be in a class with other children who had similar learning styles. I think when we can, it’s important to put this kind of language around it.
That said, though, I think it’s important to realize, that this IS the term used ‘out there’ when talking about this topic, and that just sort of is what it is. In discussion, it’s also a lot easier than the longer explanations of what is really going on. As far as the argument for “gifted” labeling…I have no idea how my son compares to children his age because he has been with older children and held his own quite well. I dislike labeling of any kind because it can be difficult for the children and parents to get past and create problems in the future when things aren’t always so easy.
“Gifted” in this context means the top 3% of the student population; these students are identified through IQ tests, academic performance, observations made by teachers, parents, and counselors, etc. These children usually exhibit identifiable behaviors and abilities (and there is a whole list of them) that classify them as being “gifted.” Research has shown that these children actually learn and process information in different ways than traditional students do. And I remember when some moms used to tell me that “it will all even out by 3rd grade” I just saw red, because I thought that that meant that all they were doing was waiting around for the younger children.
It is so amazingly wonderful to hear other mothers’ experiences with these issues. It gives me hope and some ideas. Also, I would recommend going to the NAGC website (www.nagc.org) and the hoagies website (www.hoagiesgifted.org); both sites have valuable information on how to advocate for your child. My kids are at a school that is sensitive to the wide range of learning styles. I no longer can agree with the notion that ‘well, that’s just the way it is.’ I have seen first-hand that it doesn’t have to be! I seriously don’t think we could get a better education by paying for a private school.
When you have teachers who are specifically trained in recognizing and adapting to different learning styles, it makes SUCH a difference. AMAZING. And the best is when you have several, and they work together to meet individual students’ needs. We have TEAMS of teachers working with each other, specifically trained, and crossing over when they have to. (e.g., when he was in 1st grade, Morgen was sent with one other boy to the math class for 2nd graders, as well as a reading class — the teachers just worked together to do what makes sense for the kids). It’s DOable!
I can’t imagine it’s easy to get something like this started, though. It takes people with vision, patience, perspective, and a willingness to think outside the box a bit, I imagine. I’m indebted to whoever was the one who got this going where we are. I cannot say enough about it.
Don’t give up, maybe you can be the catalyst for change, for your kids and many more to come. Our district also has a support program for parents, and the book they recommend is Guiding the Gifted Child.
Morgen was in these classes for much of his education and tutored students in math up until Algebra and Geometry. But then he hit Trig and Calculus and I just didn’t “get it” anymore. He just took the AP Calculus test last week and guess how much he studied for it? 0 hours. Everyone is gifted as in talented in some areas. But that isn’t what we are talking about here. When we talk about children with special education needs, we don’t say, “Well everyone has some special needs. I don’t think they should offer special education in elementary school.” One of my friends children needed speech. They didn’t say, “Well everyone talks a little differently. It’s ok he can’t say his “r”s. ” Gifted education is the same thing.
I can understand the ‘gifted’ language. I’ve had to explain to my son a number of times why he’s just got different talents, not ‘more’ or ‘better’. He already feels different enough, but to tell him in subtle language that he’s ‘better’ is hard for me. It’s also hard for his brothers to hear that subtle message.
Yet at the same time, there still needs to be something to meet his needs. There still needs to be a way to advance him, rather than beat him down so he’s more in line with the mid-line. He needs to feel that he can have success at difficult things. He needs to do hard things and have failure so he knows how to grow. I have a lot of STRONG feelings regarding this topic.
The modern day school was created in the age of industrialization. It is like an assembly line which manufactures a product in the most efficient way possible. That’s what we wanted as a society when we instituted public education. Relatively inexpensive and equal access to education for all. You can’t customize a product while it’s on the assembly line…This is not to say that I don’t sympathize with those who have children with special needs. I do! I just accept that the schools will only be able to do so much. Some better than others. Some not at all…
Finding the right balance of services for these kids is essential but falls too often to parents. And why would you NOT want it that way? Who after all has your child’s best interest at heart?
Once upon a time in our society, when we felt we needed something more than what was offered by the community (public schools) for our basic education, we did our best to fill those needs ourselves. Yes. It is burdensome. But that is the stuff of life. A joyful burden. If your child’s special needs were not intellectual would you resent the additional time and effort you had to go through to meet those needs? The modern school after all has art and sports instruction. Perhaps it should meet the specific needs of the exceptionally talented child prodigy in music and athletics as well?
Schools, as a whole, simply will never be able to meet the needs of those with special needs adequately enough to satisfy everyone.
I suppose that is why my mom chose to home school. A different kind of joyful burden. I hope you can find a healthy/joyful balance, but expecting the schools to be something that they were never designed to be will only make you miserable.
So how do you balance the needs of your gifted child and yet make sure that your other children don’t feel inferior in trying find the right curriculum? I have a “gifted” son who was aware of his abilities from an early age. He is becoming insufferable. One thing I know not to do is to brag about your child. Let them hear you compliment them on a wide variety of their personalities, but never brag.
I have made a concerted effort with our “gifted” son to avoid the superiority problem. I have told him that he is smart, but that smart doesn’t mean he knows everything or even almost everything. It just means that he is able to learn well. I remind all my sons that everyone has their strengths and that any kid they meet will be better at one thing or another than they are. Life isn’t about being better than somebody else. I try to praise them for their character, their effort, and their love of learning rather than their academic performance or how quickly they move through the school. So far, so good.
So here’s what I basically have said: You are doing exactly the right thing. Never be afraid of being seen as “that mother” when you are advocating for your child. From my experience, no matter what the needs of the child (be it special needs, typical, or exceptional – or whatever jargon we are using today) the status quo of any school district is generally inertia. It often takes parents to jump start the process, even if that process is something obvious like, “hey, the kids should have chairs to sit on.” Administration doesn’t tend to move on an issue until someone starts talking about it. Why shouldn’t that someone be you? And your actions have the added benefit of paving the way for other kids now or in the future who will face similar resistance.
You have every right to advocate for a free public education for your child, no matter where your child is developmentally and no matter what anyone says. Require that they treat your child (and every child) as an individual as much as possible. Learn what the law says. Quote the law. Call. Meet with the teacher and principal. Whatever it takes. No one is ever going to care more about your children than you. You are their very best advocate. I think as long as you do it respectfully and have a civil conversation with the administration, they understand that too and generally want the same things you want. It just may take some doing to get there.
I know lots of kids with exceptional abilities who didn’t get the services they need and became huge behavior problems in the classroom or, worse yet, dropped out – and ultimately, no teacher or principal wants either of those things to happen. Skipping grades may work for some but in my experience, not many. Sometimes, it’s just hard for teachers and administrators to see that end possibility – especially in the early grades. You are the one who’ll remind them and whether or not they see it that way, that’s a good thing.
So far, Morgen’s done just fine, complaining about being bored sometimes, but generally liking school. And yes, he read on a 6th grade level in Kindergarten, and trust me, I have never “pushed” him to do it. He is just who he is.
It didn’t turn him into a rocket scientist, he hasn’t found the cure for cancer, and I’m sure he would have survived just fine without those more advanced classes. But they sure were fun, and are his favorite memories of school. And doesn’t every kid deserve to think that learning is fun?
And, by the way, The Individuals with Education Act could probably be interpreted a whole bunch of ways to include federal mandates for curriculum's for gifted kids. I haven’t read the whole thing in it’s entirety, but there’s some pretty strong language about meeting all children’s needs that doesn’t exclude gifted kids. Something that seems to be getting lost is that when any parent advocates for their child for any reason, it helps all the kids in the long run. It helps all the kids.
