“If you do nothing unexpected, nothing unexpected happens.” ~Fay Weldon
Sometimes in life I get these crazy ideas and suddenly decide to grab the steering wheel, and make a hard right from the road of life. Yep, this may involve a lot of nerve and a yearning for adventure, that is part of it.
The other, more interesting part of it for me (this may sound like a bumper sticker) was to feel the fear and do it anyway.
It's about having faith that things will work out and trusting that the universe is on my side.
I didn’t know exactly why I was starting nursing school but just had a deep sense that this was what I had to do at this time in my life. Funnily enough, "the whole universe thing" became my motto, and when I started to obsess over every last logistical detail, I had to give myself a pep talk.
Once I let go of the expectation of what the experience should look like and put my inner control freak back in her place, the strangest things started to happen.
Darlin texted me last night that she was just getting her epidural. However, part of the deal with having twins is that she is going to be taking unpaid leave. While having her own business is nice, those familiar with the being your own boss in Sun Valley will feel her pain as I type this.
Instead of panicking, she just accepted that if she isn't able to deliver without a C-section and back to work in ten days she would be fine. That’s what an emergency credit card is for. As they say these days #YOLO!!
Again, once she had given up any outcome, three days after she was due to be induced my sister Darlin and her husband Jan have their baby boys in their arms. They had some troubles with the epidural only numbing half of her body. Darlin sent me this text this morning at 5:07 am...They are here. Hallelujah!
After much victory dancing in the kitchen, I went to work. I took a break to text my friends Olivia and Heidi about going to dinner at Pizzeria Limone tonight since it turns out I could go. Cheers!
And so, the moral of this particular story is that sometimes in life I need to stop and listen to that little voice inside that’s desperately trying to get some attention. It’s trying to provide me with the wisdom to trust and follow my heart, not my head.
Following your heart does not necessarily have to involve grinding your life to a halt and taking six weeks off work to have a baby or two; that’s just Darlin's experience. It’s about listening within to whatever it is that your heart is telling you.
It may be telling me to work less and spend more time with my family. Or have more fun in life. Or cultivate more self-care by taking a pure barre class on a regular basis, or even taking ten minutes of my day to sit quietly and just breathe.
Whatever it is, know that in doing so I am subtly making a change. Like the moon last night, it can rise up and it really does not matter how small or how big, it is beautiful.
Some people might go all out and create huge life changes, such as moving cities, ending a toxic relationship, or changing careers. Some might just choose to create more peace in their lives or remove a bad habit that no longer serves them.
The point is that whatever you choose, if it is coming from your heart know that you will be supported throughout whether you realize it or not.
The end result might not look the way I anticipated or even have any resemblance to it. The universe works in mysterious ways, but it will provide the best for me whether I like the outcome or not; it is just easier if I do, I am here to learn and live.
Just get out of your own way, let go of attachment to outcome, and simply allow.
Understand that this is a process and we are only human, so do the best you can. I chose to bat this little voice away time and time again, like a persistent fly, focusing instead on my job and generally trying to keep my head above water.
But that little voice kept getting louder and louder until it was a roar in my ear. “Can you hear me now? Can you hear me now? I’m not going to stop poking you until you stop and listen.”
Hands over my ears.
“Still not listening? What if I push you out onto the corner of Out Of Luck Ave & Bad Karma Street until you are so stressed out that you have no choice but to hold up a white flag and surrender?”
It took her quite some time to finally concede, fully surrender, and accept that she had to make some big decisions, and from those decisions, big changes. But finally, cautiously, my little sister stepped out of her comfort zone, peeking her head out much like a baby coming out of womb.
It may feel strange deciding to let that little voice take the reins of your life, even for a short while, and even incredibly terrifying, but so far it’s been the best decision Darlin has made in quite some time.
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| {Meet my newest nephews- Jax and Grey} |
