Part of coping with my divorce is sometimes telling myself things that will soothe my pain and help make me feel better about my situation, my decisions and my actions. Some self-talk is positive and truly helps me, but sometimes I lie to myself, which is never healthy. Here are my top 10 lies (+ 1 bonus), and my response (of course.)
1. I could care less what happens to Ben. Yes, I do. I will always care until the day I die.
2. I hate when I’m not with my kids. I don’t hate it all the time. Sometimes I welcome the break. Being alone offers reprieve from stress. I don’t feel guilty if I enjoy my time without my kids. Doing nice things for myself and having some life enjoyment (reading, a bath, Zumba) that doesn't involve my kids makes me a better mom.
3. I don’t want to meet anyone and I’m never getting married again. Yes, I do and yes, I might. I'm saying this to protect myself because I'm afraid that I might never meet anyone. I wouldn't be human if I didn't care about being able to love.
4. When I was married, I was really happy or When I was married, I was really miserable. When I was married, I was both. I was happy at times, I try to not be afraid to remember those times, and I was miserable at times. I remember that too. It reinforces the fact that I needed to be divorced.
5. Everyone knows the divorce was his fault. For as many people who are telling me it was his fault, there are that many people telling him it was mine. I need to get over it already. Who cares what people think?! I don't care what other people think about me getting divorced. Actually, I do. I am working on that though.
6. Even if I could find a way, I’d never be interested in checking out Ben's profile on Instagram or on Facebook. Of course I am curious. That’s only natural. I am not on Facebook anymore or I would probably spend too much time on it. Move on!
7. I hate dating. No, I don’t. I hate bad dates. Good dates makes dating really, really fun!
8. My boys are going to grow up and realize what Ben is really like. They probably will, but they will still love both their parents unconditionally, and that’s actually a good thing.
9. I know how to stay away from dysfunctional relationships. When people get divorced, they are vulnerable to getting into bad relationships. I’m not judging. I need to recognize what a healthy relationship is, and NOT be afraid of being alone!
10. I love my new life. It’s okay to say, “this sucks.” I know that I'm not blissful at the moment. I also know that if I work on my life, career, my boys, hobbies and my health, that it will all fall into place. Hope floats.
+ 1: My wedding day was the best day of my life. No it wasn't. Otherwise, I’d still be married. Not going to be afraid to see what I didn't see back then.
