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| {Max's last item on his summer list - Surfing} |
I do NOT want school to start.
Swimming in the pool every afternoon, leaving rooms messy, reading on the porch in the shade. Licking Popsicles, dancing to Katy Perry waaayyyy too late, going to week-long hockey camps and scout camps.
I just got back from a fantastic rollerblade-across-the-park where Max and Markus stopped whenever they wanted to play. This summer my boys ate whatever they wanted, slept when they felt like it, stopped at parks and played outside for hours on end.
Why would I want to end it all?
My kids will be taken from me for 8 hours a day; I’ll be left with the ugly reality of dirty toilets and dusty floor molding. I will stand in my empty house each morning wondering how it all came to this. I might have more time to write, but what will I write about? I’d homeschool them if I thought I could actually teach them anything at all about polynomials or planetary orbits, but I know how home schooling attempts mostly involve reading and playing.
I haven’t always felt this way.
August has usually brought the pleasure of watching my children head out the door for learning endeavors. I would heave a heavy sigh of relief to know that regimented and structured life had returned to our home.
But not this summer.
This summer has been a joy.
It’s been a choice.
I’ve decided that my happiness is mine to choose, I’ve decided to listen to all that advice I so easily dish out to my kids. My happiness is not something bestowed upon me like a royal crown. And since I have no idea how long my life will be, or what my future will be, I’m speeding things up. I’m choosing now to enjoy it. I’m not going to wait any longer for the happy fairy to find me. I dragged her over to my house. Why did it take all that pain for me to realize that I can enjoy my life now?
I choose.
And I did.
