This was going on while I was at Morgen's probation hearing scheduled today. I've been there from their first cries in the world, I know how the monkeys have been gradually trained, because I did it with and to them. I suffered the hurts and rejections the past few years, I know the scars they have, the way an eye saddens or lip pouts when life is hard. I have read the books. I get the thrill of sharing their days and conversations, their dreams and hopes and invented jokes spilling into my heart. I'm greedy for it, keeping them close and loved. I know the shape and shine of them, the belly laughs and cries of frustration, I want to eat them whole to keep them safe, while also looking forward with hope to watching them walk their own paths.
Somedays the balance works out in my favor. Some days are awful. Some are even worse. Some days are fab, and some are just lovely, the calm of nothing going badly and life simply being good. Not today. Today I got the angst and the tears and Morgen's needs. Tomorrow might be Max or Marky's turn. But somedays, somedays I get the rewards.
