It’s funny the things I remember about becoming a mom. Like the exact hour and minute you came into this world—3:23pm on a Saturday. Or the warm blankets they wrapped me in after I delivered you at the hospital that has since been torn down. And the people that came to visit us in those early days. I’ll never forget the spot on your head that I kissed for the very first time. The spot I’ve kissed every time ever since.
I’ve thought about this day, your eighteenth birthday. It’s strange. I wondered what you’d be like and if I have done an ok job raising you. I imagined how smart you would be and what your voice might sound like. I hoped you’d still remember our days of light sabre battles and movie marathons.
But I never imagined how hard it would be to reach this day. A day that you likely have waited a while for. A time where you feel your independence is no longer in question or disputed. An age that labels you an adult and frees you from the clutches of your controlling and overprotective mother. A day where I’m supposed to let go and pat myself on the back because my work is done, while sending you off into the world. But here’s the thing my son … Motherhood is never done.
And so a few things I share with you today on this very special day, which I hope someday you’ll read again with the same parent feelings that I write this with. And hopefully one day you’ll understand the depths of my love for you.
While you’re frustrated by the lessons I have to teach, know that it’s taken twice the amount of time, heartache, and self-doubt to figure out how to teach it to you when I could have easily been indifferent.
While lately my strong will might seem to limit your choices, know it was this strength that helped me rock you to sleep every night you were sick or afraid or teething.
While some days you question my need to protect you, know that it is this fierce nature that ensured you were never injured and always safe.
While sometimes you may wonder if I think about you when you’re not here, know that it feels like a physical part of my body is missing when my boys are not with me.
While right now you wish I would leave you alone, know that I will always carry you with me in my heart.
When you think about a love in your life, know that it was the first moments of your life when you slept upon my chest that you first learned the meaning of unconditional love.
So many more things that I could say, but for now I’ll leave it at this: Happy birthday my son.
Your birth was the best day of my life, your future is what your dreams are made of.
Please, don’t hurry to grow-up—just walk.
Love,
Mom
Xo
