Blood, Sweat and Tears

Sixteen years ago I wrote the following in my son’s baby book: “It’s a lovely morning—sunny, yet cloudy in the hills with wisps of snow. Morgen and I have had a pleasant morning playing in our bedroom. He squealed and rocked on his hands and knees as I played his baby Mozart tape. Then I fed him a little cereal and read him some of his Moo, Bah, La, La, La book. Now, as I sit with him on my lap, feeding him with his little spoon and listening to him smack his lips and say, ‘Hmmm,’ his baby Mozart tape playing in the background, with just the two of us sharing this happy day, I wonder, did I ever know pure happiness until this moment?”

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I read an article today that made parenting sound more like misery than happiness. Hmmm. I will say that now that I’ve had some experience as a mother, I’ve learned that, though I love my children beyond words, parenting is HARD. Blood, sweat, and tears hard. It definitely can make you vulnerable and susceptible to pain in ways you’ve never experienced before and it has the tendency to thrust all of your weaknesses to the forefront. And yes, sometimes you can go through periods in your life when, despite your best intentions, the demands of parenting leave you stressed out and stretched thin, with little left for anyone, including yourself.

But, I believe it’s precisely because parenting is so hard that it also has the potential for lasting, significant joy. And I mean joy, not the world’s definition of happiness, which can be fleeting and superficial—and hard to quantify in a scientific study. Joy entails work and commitment. Joy is a richer, deeper emotion, closely tied to its counterpart, sorrow, and children provide us with plenty of both.

It’s been many years since those sunny days I spent with my firstborn son, wrapped in a cocoon of new-mother love, full of plans and hopes and dreams. Though parenting has been harder than I ever imagined, that love has deepened, helped and shaped me. Nothing has challenged me and humbled me to the core more than parenting, but nothing has been as fulfilling either. Have you been surprised by how challenging parenting can be?

{Morgen and Max both in my arms just moments after Morgen met his new little brother for the first time}