Fit, Fun, Run

{Landon and Markus at Friday's Fun Run at school}

{Markus accidentally ran 4 miles instead of three and still only came in three minutes after me!}

{Markus and the two Sams}

{School Brothers}

Running is something I know a lot about, but I'm not particularly good at it. As I type this, my boys are all firmly, intensely asleep. At least I hope Morgen is - he spent the night at Ben's house. So instead of telling you about something that I know a lot about, I'm going to change it up and tell you about things that can't be measured, just felt and attempted and hopefully understood. If not today, or this year, then maybe in years to come when my boys are sighing at their own children in frustration and utter devotion.

The more I have thought about this the more I've realized I want to tell my boys somethings. A letter, explaining and detailing a couple of handfuls of things.

First, I am so lucky to be your mom. Someone came up to church last Sunday and said, "I just wanted to say, and have been meaning to tell you, that you have such fine young men - they are so well behaved!" Whenever someone compliments me on how and who you are, for most of the time, I know it's got nothing to do with me. But you know what? I'm your mom and that means doing what needs to be done, as much as I'd rather otherwise. I don't know any other kids in this entire country your age who do their own laundry. I tell myself that obviously it'll help when you go on your missions, when you're grown and with a wife and family of your own. Ditto with the jobs you have around the house, and I'm delighted you took to mopping with such focus and determination, Morgen - I'll make sure you get more practice. I could do your laundry for you, I could do all the housework and gardening and stuff myself, but we all know that we'd all be miserable because I'd be exhausted and that means a cranky mom from that place where the devil lives. Trust me when I tell you that it's for the benefit of our family, and it means something to work for the greater good, and that it means so much to me. I can see you getting it, and it makes me light up with relief and satisfaction. Thank you.

We've weathered years of my learning, and while I never dropped you on your heads, I admit at times it was a close thing. The last couple of years in particular have been an intense upward battle of upsets, growth, change, cheer and adaptation. I couldn't be prouder of the fact that we've all come through alive, functioning, and even smiling. To see you both right now, asleep but healthy, comfortable, resting your senses of humour, varied interests and complex personalities, I thank Heavenly Father for you, over and over again, and His influence and direction in bringing us here, and here together. I've made some spectacular mistakes, and I'm sorry. But this is one of the things I want you to know: parenting isn't for wimps.

I mess up. Because I'm human, I try stuff, and it's not quite right, or was the result of tiredness, or hunger, or desperation. But I'll keep trying. As your mom, there are Things I Want You To Know. So...

1. I want you to be a decent human being. You know that I won't allow you to be a jerk to your brothers, and will stop any attempt therein.

2. I Know You'll Be Fantastic Dads. You'll be fantastic Dads, and Uncles, there's not a single doubt in my head or heart about it at all.

3. Dance. Dance in your head, in your room, through the house, while washing dishes, windows or folding clothes. Sing loud and dance party in the car, get down in the shower or while brushing your teeth - find your music and dance to it. 

4. Punch responsibility. You know me, and my love of words. Words change lives, hearts and futures. Find the words which fed your soul, your heart and keep new ones in your pockets for fun. You don't have responsibility right now, as a brother, or a son, or as a Teacher's Quorum Secretary. You don't have responsibility - you own the ability to respond. You choose. Wisely. 

5. Change your underwear. Change your sheets. Change your prayers, and your habits. Regularly. The winds of change are blowing wild and free. You'll grow, and learn. It's part of life. And it's scary but you'll be okay. And if you aren't, come tell me about it. We'll work it out. 

6. I love you, handsome boys. Always. Remember that, no matter what. Remember our laughs, remember to kiss me goodnight, remember these Things I Want You To Know, choose to be good to people, choose life, choose vegetables - at least some of the time and love each other. 

Thank you for making me your mom, for making my laugh lines so deep, my worries so awful, my past, present and future so epically cool awesome.

Love, 

Mom

XO