I consider myself a pretty tough chick, but even I could use a nice meal once or twice a decade. So, after thinking about this for several years (I never said I was very smart), I think I’ve come up with an answer.
I am completely and entirely filled with sinful pride.
I am just so unwilling to show any sign of weakness, that I force myself to be put together and composed under any circumstance. Kill me, it might, but darn it, I’ll be looking fit and prepared for the occasion.
Why on earth I do this to myself is beyond me. I’ve never much cared for the image of a weak, needy B (I don’t have the right jawline to pull it off), but then, I’ve never once considered any of the women who I’ve discussed in my vast array of meetings as being weak or needy. Go figure. I’ve seen so many strong, capable women who have borne their trials with grace and dignity. But me? I’d rather everyone just think I’ve got no trials.
Sinful, I tell ya.
I’ve only known of one person who sees so clearly through my iron-clad composure. It's my sister Monet, who is a few years older than me. She always asks, “How can I help you?”, and I always reply with the same answer, “Oh, I’m just fine.” But she doesn’t believe me, can you believe that? She just shows up on my doorstep at random moments in my day with pies, entire dinners, chocolate, or notes of encouragement. She used to steal my kids, when they were little, for an hour so I could nap or run errands. She would actually call me, exactly when I needed her most, just to say hello.
Imagine it! It’s just like in the movies! Only it’s for real!
Someone, living by the Spirit, seeing through my pride and arrogance. She knew I couldn’t keep up the facade forever, but she didn’t wait for me to crack wide open. She just quietly glued up the cracks, opened up places for pressure to release, and filled me up with warm, chocolately goodness. Because of her example, someday I’ll actually be as good a person as I’m pretending to be right now.
Why do women pretend so much (or am I the only one)? Why is it so hard to be real?
